Happy not a ghost day!

It’s time to rhyme your birthday post
I think you’ll like this one the most
The reason I can make this boast
Is ’cause I am not yet a ghost
Since you are I are both still here
I wish you happiness and cheer
So have a drink of wine or beer
And I’ll be back this time next year



This started as a resolution
And now it’s time for dissolution
This may have brought some satisfaction
And stirred up tepid interaction
For ten years now, I’ve covered most things
One thousand seven hundred postings
Realistically, most were stinky
Nasty, awful, stupid or kinky
One or two were not terribly bad
Wish it were more, but that’s all I had



Are there any rhymes?
I checked the poetry vault
There aren’t any left


The miracle of Festivus

As a holiday, it’s satirical
But I love a Festivus Miracle
Events as mundane as finding a bowl
Are miracles near a Festivus Pole
While some focus on grievances airing
I focus on miracle declaring
If someone is more down than the rest of us
Show them the miracle of Festivus


O kleiner Linc

O little Linc, o little Linc
Don’t cough another hair ball
O little Linc, o little Linc
Don’t cough another hair ball
You eat so much at breakfast time
But barf it before dinner time
O little Linc, o little Linc
Don’t cough another hair ball


Guardians of the Christmas Tree

Drax and Mantis stage a break-in
And they kidnap Kevin Bacon
In the end they kind of botch it
But I think you still should watch it


I hate this cold craze

It’s been cold for days and days
So I sit beside a blaze
Hope this weather’s just a phase
Need the temperature to raise


‘Tis the season to get baked

Last Christmas Eve, I smoked a bowl
And met Saint Nick at the North Pole
The reindeer flew, we played with elves
Then got some sweets to stuff ourselves
We had some drinks, and he got pissed
So I checked out his Christmas list
I found your name, and you’re marked nice
I’m in the naughty column twice!
He sobered up and went to work
He filled his sleigh and gave a smirk
“Next Christmas you’ll get what you need
As long as I can smoke your weed!”
So I whipped out my trusty bong
He inhaled deep, he inhaled long
“I thank you for this killer grass
It knocked me on my jolly ass
Next year you’ll meet a wee cailín
A lovely Irish lass named Jeanne”
No longer will my heart be blue
My verdant Christmas wish came true!


Being naughty isn’t nice

Don’t be mean this Christmas season
Don’t leave dogs out when they’re freezin’
No one likes a Christmas Karen
Worse than fruitcake with a hair in
We should not neglect the needy
Share some spirit, don’t be greedy
Don’t go mad with decorations
Temper all your expectations
Don’t start fighting during dinner
Christmas doesn’t have a winner
People shouldn’t feel diminished
When the holidays are finished


I hung balls on my joint

At this time of year
Don’t mix up your cannabis
With your Christmas tree


USA is good at football

Team USA needed a win
But this football was not pigskin
And since Iran missed quite a few
A single goal puts the yanks through


The Late Late Toy Show

A TV presenter named Ryan
Shows kids toys that we should be buyin’
We look at that junk
To get good and drunk
And have a nice Saturday lie in


Happy Thanksgiving 2022

I’m thankful for family and friends
I’m thankful for family that are my friends
I’m thankful for friends that are my family
I’m thankful for living in Ireland
I’m thankful for living in Kilkenny
I’m thankful for living with Brownie, Linc and Jeanne
I’m thankful for 54 First Dates that didn’t work
I’m thankful for 1 First Date that did
I’m thankful for no more First Dates


Come on you mighty Bruins!

The trojans are our biggest rival
To beat them would mean Chip’s survival
If we keep the bell
That sure would be swell
And might start the program’s revival


I’m far from ecstatic

After working in the attic
Something happened quite dramatic
I tripped and gave my head a bash
And now I have a bloody gash


Funny film Friday

Linc is on my lap, Brownie’s on my right
Think we’ll watch a film, on this chilly night
Jeanne is on my left, with a glass of wine
Blankets on our legs, everything is fine


Bell, book and Brownie

We plant a birch along with vine
And hope the two will intertwine
So that our future will be fine
With some of hers and some of mine
Our distinct piles start to combine
We take it as a perfect sign
That what we have is genuine
And pour another glass of wine


In 3D

It’s time to get weird
Watching the life story of
Alfred Yankovic


Wait till he charges per tweet

To Musk, free speech comes at a price
It will now cost to spew advice
If you prefer a big blue tick
You’ll pay eight bucks to that rich prick


A callous phallus

The old man next door is a meanie
A fascist just like Mussolini
He’s no treats just tricks
This ghoul has no fix
He suffers from small hollow weenie


Cemetery girls

Well werewolf girls are chic
I really dig their fuzzy hair
And the vampire girls with the way they neck
They’ll wipe your mind with just a stare
The witches and their daughters
Always make you scream all night
And the mummy girls with the way they hug
They tie their daddies up real tight
I wish they all could be cemetery
I wish they all could be cemetery
I wish they all could be cemetery girls


The asterisk PM

There once was a PM named Lizzie
Whose policies made people dizzy
She fucked up the pound
And got people down
Then quit in a bit of a tizzy


The inconvenience of Clerks III

I’ve seen the third and final Clerks
The end of those New Jersey jerks
Less like Jedi, more like Empire
At least it’s no prequel quagmire
Of course there’s Silent Bob and Jay
And cameos to save the day
It made me laugh, it made me cry
Dante and Randall’s last goodbye


He plundered her booty

There once was a pirate named Aodhán
Who had a real knack for pursuadin’
A fine Irish lass
To show him her ass
And then he’d commence with invadin’


55 First Dates at 55

Since I left the United States
I’ve been on 55 first dates
It’s been a crazy last four years
I’ve had some laughs and caused some tears
But something changed nine months ago
I’m not alone – I’m not solo
I’ve found a woman who’s first rate
I’m sure I’ve had my last first date


Games or rent?

1188 games in Essen
1188 games to see here
1188 games in Essen
How could you play them, play them in a year?
At your house, and their house,
At game nights, and at conventions
With strangers, with friends,
With husband or wife
1188 games in Essen
How could you play them all in your whole life?


Trickle up fact

Everything is more expensive
Corporations are offensive
Though us peons scream and holler
Big biz gets our hard-earned dollar


Bats fly when you’re having fun

At midnight tonight
My birthday month is over
Then it’s spooky time!


One small shit for man…

NASA shot a DART
Into an asteroid
They are really smart
They’re gainfully employed

I once shit a shart
Right past my hemorrhoid
I’m still scared to fart
I’m downright paranoid


If the campervan’s a rockin’…

In autumn it can get quite chilly
And camping might seem pretty silly
To keep warm at night
We snuggle real tight
And play hide and seek with my willy


50 first dates at 50

When you get to 50
Dating ain’t so nifty
All this endless dating
Made me end up hating
The whole dating process
So I cut my losses
Now, instead of dating
I’m home masturbating

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