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220429
Click click

There once was a ginger named Rusty
Who had affairs torrid and lusty
He often spilled seed
But he did not breed
He shot blanks with balls that were dusty

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220427
And nobody booed

I tried something new
Tonight I read poetry
In front of a crowd

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220425
They’ll drool on you

My two nuts just hang around
One is black, and one is brown
Most days they’re in lazy mode
When excited, they’ll explode
My two nuts just love the craic
One is brown, and one is black
They don’t care who strokes their bum
They will stay but like to come
My two nuts have so much hair
And they leave it everywhere
If you wear a sexy dress
They will make an awful mess
My two nuts are pretty swell
Though sometimes they really smell
I will scrub them clean and neat
Till they’re good enough to eat
My two nuts are quite a pair
Pleasing babes with savoir-faire
In their hostile habitat
One’s a dog, and one’s a cat

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220422
His willy got woolly

There once was a wild Irish rover
Who tended to sheep as a drover
One night on the piss
A ewe gave a kiss
Then each night he got drunk all over

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220420
I had a dream…

I’m in Kilkenny
Playing board games with my friends
The dream has come true

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220418
Not welcome in Woodstock

By the time we got to Woodstock
I just had to make a wee
And everywhere was a tree
For my urination
And then I saw the Brownie Bear
Squatting next to three small guys
Turning laughter into cries
By his defecation
We were busted, we were scolded
So we had to beg for our pardon
And we’re not allowed to go
Back to the garden

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220415
The death of Brian

There once was a fella named Brian
Nailed next to a fella who’s dyin’
The young fella said
Though he’d soon be dead
If you don’t see bright you’re not tryin’

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220413
Tsunami of sadness

His jokes always killed
Tragedy was comedy
Rest In Peace Gilbert

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220411
Drop it like it’s hot

I did a thing I didn’t like
I dropped my phone when on a hike
I cursed myself, I made a scene
At least I did not crack the screen
Instead I broke the LCD
It’s fixable for a large fee
While I stand here, egg on my face
I need to get myself a case

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220408
Hangry hangry hippo

When does hunger turn to anger?
I want pizza or a banger
As I rifle through the freezer
Hangry visits this old geezer
I could eat sweet baby Jesus
So I stuff my mouth with cheeses
They were moldy and not yummy
But at least they’re in my tummy

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220406
Time capsule thoughts

If you can read this, in 100 years
Of course I felt pain and spilled many tears
But I also loved, I laughed and I played
I’ll never forget the life that I made
In 100 years, I hope that you’ll be
Surrounded by friends and happy like me

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220404
Kingpin of Kilkenny

I like to sit around and roll
So I decide, I’m gonna bowl
I see the pins and throw the ball
I aim it straight to hit them all
The ball goes left, I hit but one
I roll again, that ball hits none
It’s been a while and that’s a fact
But honestly, I feel attacked
I hit just five in the next frame
Frames three through nine were much the same
I then decide I need to change
The balls I rolled, they all felt strange
They hurt my fingers quite a bit
I need a ball with holes that fit
I start to search the bowling hall
To find my Cinderella ball
There’s one behind a rubbish pile
My fingers fit, I start to smile
I slide it down the well-oiled lane
The red-necked pins explode with pain
Now that’s the bowling that I like
It took ten frames to bowl a strike
And now I get to throw twice more
Another strike! I start to roar!
Just like a bowler in their prime
I get a third, it’s turkey time!
So if you’re feeling in the pits
Just find yourself a hole that fits

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220401
Stand up and be counted

This weekend I fill out the census
I make sure that I’m conscientious
I count every cat
Dog, spider and rat
In order to reach a consensus