Time of month

If Tom’s in town, don’t be a fool
Or else you’ll get a bloody tool
‘Cause every month ol’ Tom calls in
Reminding us of Eve’s first sin
Give her a kiss, massage or hug
Take out the trash, vacuum the rug
Buy comfort food when Tom’s in town
And you’ll turn that frown upside-down


I’m a giver

With women’s gifts, I am a master
And this tip should avoid disaster
When buying something for your steady
Don’t get them roses or a teddy
They don’t much care for cars or rockets
Just buy them dresses that have pockets


Blood, privilege and cold

A new Cap in red, white and blue
Without serum, he’s just like you
He’s beaten up by two black chicks
A red-head girl gets in some kicks
His pride is hurt and so’s his friend
His means will justify the end
But will he change with this one vial?
Will he be good or become vile?
His hatefulness is now revealed
He’ll end you with his fucking shield!


Leave your jewels in the bank and buy a revolver

Fair play to Constance Markievicz
A Polish “noble” she did hitch
A countess and a suffragette
A revolutionary threat
First woman in the parliament
She railed against establishment
A foe to Churchill and Lloyd George
A new nation she helped to forge
Keen with a rifle and her wits
In Stephen’s Green she shot the Brits
A friend to Yeats and to the poor
She showed the British to the door


She did and did not

There once was a Jedi named Daisy
Who made all the fanboys go crazy
When she used the force
They screamed until hoarse
Misogynist hatred is lazy


Ignoble warming

When it gets to -1
Go outside for icy fun
When it gets to -2
Ears and nose start turning blue
When it gets to -3
Snot freezes on my goatee
When it gets to -4
Milk and bread brawls at the store
When it gets to -5
That’s when snowmen come alive
When it gets to -6
Beat them back with burning sticks
-7, -8
Cold War isn’t going great
When it gets to -9
Frosty’s friends are looking fine
When it gets to -10
Build snow women for snowmen
Only way to win this war
Go inside and shut the door


Every word is insincere

Lifetime judge his dream career
And he really likes his beer
He’s unhinged that is quite clear
She has lived a life of fear
Jizztrumpet will taunt and jeer
Rabid fans did clap and cheer
When will this all disappear?
Hope he chokes on his next beer


This is America

Jizzy Trumpet builds a wall
He is a racist phony
Bob Mueller investigates
Let’s hear the testimony
Jizzy Trumpet, is a freak
Daughter makes him randy
Grabbing pussies all the time
His teensy-weensy handy


X for tá

Today my vote was cast
To end the passé past
I’m hoping that my Yes
Will end this holy mess


Get your rosaries off their ovaries

The Irish might repeal the 8th
The no side is aligned with faith
The yes side cares for women’s health
Access should not be based on wealth
Abortion can cause frenzied fights
You’re for the church or human rights
I will not make you have to guess
This Friday I will be a Yes


Wakanda forever

Wakanda is cool
Bald women with spears are hot
Black Panther is great


So over 2017

Can’t wait for this year to end
So hard losing my best friend
Jizztrumpet is a big child
Neo-Nazis running wild
Orders for a Muslim ban
Stimulates the Ku Klux Klan
All women hashtag #MeToo
Roy Moore’s lawyer is a Jew
Rich folks got a big tax break
Bigots won’t bake wedding cake
Star Wars fans hate number VIII
Next year best be fucking great


Turn it Up!

Young girls kept him turned on
Cherry chapstick sure made him grin
Banned from malls across the south-land
Dating children’s bad once again and I think it’s a win
Well, I heard Mister Moore talk about her
Well, I heard ole Roy put her down
Well, I hope Roy Moore will remember
A southern man don’t need him around anyhow
Sweet home Alabama
Where the state is turning blue
Sweet home Alabama
Jones is coming home to you!


We are America’s HR Dept!!!

In big business you get fired
In Hollywood you get fired
In media you get fired
In publishing you get fired
At CBS you get fired
At House of Cards you get fired
At MPR you get fired
At NBC you get fired
No matter what has transpired
In Politics you get hired


Art agitates art

The artist of the Charging Bull
Turns out to be a sexist fool
A Fearless Girl made him upset
She’s messing with his male mindset
His privilege is out of joint
The Fearless Girl says, “That’s the point!”



A day without a woman
Would seem to be inhuman
No women means no living
There would be no hug giving
No mothers making dinner
Or being the breadwinner
Make sure you thank a female
By bringing her a cocktail


Almost over

Tomorrow, it will be done
Tomorrow, we’ll see who won
If she wins, she’ll be the first
If he wins, he’ll be the worst


Preventing Trumpageddon

Though one week away
I’m voting today
I just got to say
The Jizztrumpet is a racist, sexist, misogynistic,
homophobic, xenophobic, islamaphobic, tiny fingered,
Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon who wants
you to pay his taxes for him so he can build a
wall that Mexico will not pay for and gain
access to the nuclear codes while he’s
grabbing a pussy with one hand and jerking
off Putin with the other
To prevent doomsday
Please do not delay
Go vote the right way


Save the day
Save the world

Jizztrumpet says she is nasty
His rude comments don’t get past me
Interrupting like a ding-dong
Always yelling that she’s “Wrong! Wrong!”
Sounding like a broken record
His whole campaign has been absurd
I hope women will remember
On the eighth day of November


Stop the shaming

The Jizztrumpet says she is fat
He thinks there’s nothing wrong with that
The Jizztrumpet says she’s a pig
He thinks that she just got too big
The Jizztrumpet says she’s a slob
He thinks she cannot do her job
The Jizztrumpet degrades her face
He thinks her looks are a disgrace
Remember this when time to vote
Shove all these shames right down his throat!


His favorite preserve is strawberry

I once had a roommate named Jerry
His interest in porn was quite scary
He really liked when
A bunch of women
Would live in a house on the prairie


#AltRightMeans being racist is cool

Alt right means that good ol’ boys are great
Alt right means destroying love with hate
Alt right means controlling how you dress
Alt right means a woman’s “no” means “yes”
Alt right means they’re proud their skin is white
Alt right means they’re always wrong – not right


Olympic torch the whole city

Today it starts – the games of Rio
The athletes say it smells like pee-oh
It isn’t safe, the pipes are leaky
The hackers are steadfast and sneaky
If that’s not all, you might get zika
If you get cozy with that chica
The food might give you salmonella
Powerful gangs run the favela
Children and drugs are what they peddle
All this to win a shiny medal


Love trumps hate

Clinton is the first
She’s the nominee
And Trump is the worst
He’s a wannabe
The sound you’re hearing
Is of broken glass
If you’re still jeering
You can kiss my ass!



I have love for Leslie Jones
She was made from funny bones
Fuck the haters and their hate
Leslie Jones is fucking great



My hate for Trump is plain and pure
I felt the Bern, now I’m with her
Clinton’s platform I do prefer
I love women, so I’m with her
Trump is the worst, a wretched cur
Go build your wall, ’cause I’m with her
Of the two left, I do concur
She is the best, and I’m with her


Racist cry of the teapublic

Remember when we made tea float?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember women couldn’t vote?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember having different seats?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember wearing long, white sheets?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember all the injun graves?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember when we all had slaves?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember we were number one?
Let’s make it great again!
Now get a hood, and grab your gun!
Let’s make it great again!


8 lines about 4 #GoT women

Arya said she had no name
But at night she says her list
Brienne was a bit too tall
Fights men off but never kissed
Cersei was her brother’s twin
And she has him by the balls
Dany was a dragon girl
She’s unburnt but not the Khals


Farting like comedy is all about timing

I’ve held a secret in my heart
I killed a woman with my fart
The poor young lady’s life did pass
After inhaling noxious gas
It was my putrid aroma
That put her into a coma
You’ll never know quite how I felt
As I did watch her features melt
I’ll never forget that sweet lass
Who met her end by sour ass
Keeping that secret was quite smart
But better to have held that fart


Kill a lion lose your business seems fair

If you want to kill a lion
You’re a dick there’s no denyin’
It’s one thing to shoot a weasel
But why’d you go and shoot Cecil?
You spent a lot to take a life
Better spent on a battered wife
Now you’ve given us a reason
To start dentist hunting season


We got our ya-ya’s out

We saw the Stones at Petco Park
The opener was Gary Clark
Our souvenirs took all our cash
They started with Jumping Jack Flash
All Down the Line and Moonlight Mile
Honky Tonk Women made us smile
Mick left the stage for some Keith fun
He played Before They Make Me Run
Lisa shined on Gimme Shelter
Lovely voice that nature dealt her
Their Sympathy for the Devil
Took us to a higher level
Brown Sugar before the fake end
Wish they played Waiting on a Friend
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
Mick and the boys look so damn gaunt
Satisfaction closed the concert
Time to purchase a bootleg shirt
The Rolling Stones proved they still rock
Even though they’re as old as Bach

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