His mitre was quite ostentatious

A bishop who folks called Ignatius
Would drink beer and get quite pugnacious
He’d punch a few nuns
Then shoot off some guns
His sermons were lewd and salacious


He isn’t anymore

I’m the fucking President
Take me to the Capitol now
I’m the fucking President
I know I won the vote somehow
I’m the fucking President
They may have guns but won’t shoot me
I’m the fucking President
I stacked the courts so I’ll stay free!


Another day – another shooting

I’m tired of your thoughts and prayers
It doesn’t seem like your god cares
They’ll argue until nothing’s done
So fuck your rights and fuck your guns



Happy Star Wars Day!
May the 4th be with you all
And also with you


Click click

There once was a ginger named Rusty
Who had affairs torrid and lusty
He often spilled seed
But he did not breed
He shot blanks with balls that were dusty


Violence is never the answer

I do feel bad for Jada’s hair
But she’s a multi-millionaire
She got compared to GI Jane
A fighter who could withstand pain
That Will Smith slap was just not right
He brought a gun to a word fight
I hope that when we disagree
That you won’t throw a punch at me


I can do this all day

So that was Hawkeye
Another show done
The season is over
When is the next one?
And so that was Hawkeye
I really had fun
The old nearly deaf one
Kate Bishop’s quite young
A very happy Marvel
An excelsior year
Can’t wait for the next one
It’s Moon Knight, I hear
It started with Wanda (-Hawkeye’s over-)
Then Bucky and Sam (-You should watch it-)
Now there’s more than one Loki (-Hawkeye’s over-)
Thor just said, “Goddamn!” (-Now-)
Black Widow and Shang-Chi (-Hawkeye’s over-)
What If…? had some fright (-You should watch it-)
Doc Ock and Green Goblin (-Hawkeye’s over-)
Three Spiders to fight (-Now-)
A very happy Marvel
An excelsior year
Except for Eternals
It’s bad, so I hear


Bacardi party

The office Christmas party fun
Was started with Bacardi rum
The punch was spiked, the bongs were lit
And HR didn’t give a shit
The mistletoe was hung with care
Above the boss’s derrière
The secretaries did burlesque
While interns banged upon a desk
The salesmen want to get ahead
But it’s too hard, that’s what she said
Then Santa came in through the rear
That’s when the party got in gear
While eating snacks and drinking beer
He punched an elf and shot eight deer
This should have ended his career
But he’ll be back same time next year


Zombie céilí

Everybody scream
Everybody yell
This is not a dream
It’s a scene from hell
Zombies are dancing at Copper Face Jacks
Not a single mask – not a single vax
Everybody dance
At the zombie rave
Crawling in a trance
From their fresh dug grave
Zombies are dining at Copper Face Jacks
They are eating fronts – they are eating backs
If you value life
Everybody run
Get yourself a knife
Get yourself a gun
Zombies are killing at Cooper Face Jacks
They’re hunting alone and roaming in packs


Leave your jewels in the bank and buy a revolver

Fair play to Constance Markievicz
A Polish “noble” she did hitch
A countess and a suffragette
A revolutionary threat
First woman in the parliament
She railed against establishment
A foe to Churchill and Lloyd George
A new nation she helped to forge
Keen with a rifle and her wits
In Stephen’s Green she shot the Brits
A friend to Yeats and to the poor
She showed the British to the door


They don’t fucking care

They don’t care if you die
For they need their nails done
They don’t care if you die
So you can’t take their gun
They don’t care if you die
They won’t reuse a bag
They don’t care if you die
But they’ll weep for a flag
They don’t care if you die
But they love them some cops
They don’t care if you die
But Jizztrumpet is tops
They don’t care if you die
So they won’t wear a mask
They don’t care if you die
They won’t do what you ask
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die


Got milk?

There once was a duellist named Burr, sir
A Hamilton insult disperser
But Burr was just mad
That Hamilton lad
Had got Reynolds’ kitty to purr, sir


Sorry about the mess!

Since I’m Solo now
A good Han is important
I often shoot first


The media peddle fear

If their temperature is high
Write them off as they’ll soon die
If they have a runny nose
Leave before they decompose
If they blast out splashing poo
There’s a duty you should do
If you hear somebody cough
You should drown them in a trough
If you see somebody sneeze
Kill and bury quickly please
If you think they sniffled snot
You should end them with one shot
If this sounds a tad severe
Media has stoked this fear


He’s plain batty

There once was a villain named Joker
Who was bad and not mediocre
He made people smile
Then killed them with style
While wearing a vest that was ochre


Lend me your ear

There once was a painter named Vinny
Who liked models both fat and skinny
He frequented bars
And liked painting stars
Then shot himself just like a ninny


Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

There once was an agent named Lana
A hottie – as hot as a sauna
Though he held out hope
She told Archer “Nope!”
Her danger zone was his nirvana


Last time he ran was for President

Into the school he would have run
He said he wouldn’t need a gun
Both cops and students he’s maligned
Jizztrumpet’s lost his fucking mind


I hope it rains!

He wants a wall and ICE to raid
Jizztrumpet craves a yuge parade
He needs to hear a fusillade
While his supporters drink Kool-Aid


Can’t wait for Volume 3!

There once was a raccoon named Rocket
His friend Groot could fit in his pocket
He’s covered in fur
But one thing’s for sure
His tail won’t be worn by a Crockett



Dark Tower off in the distance
Without it there’s no existence
Gunslinger protects the tower
Man in Black has eldritch power
Jake Chambers mid-world explorer
Stephen King writes more than horror
Jean and I are constant readers
My excitement might exceed hers



Bears versus babies
We all know that bears would win
Because of lasers


Can’t stand now can they?

If you’re born with skin that’s black
There’s a target on your back
Even with hands in the air
Law enforcement doesn’t care
To them, you’re a big bad dude
Fuck that racist attitude
When that song plays, “Don’t you sit!”
That’s when white folks give a shit
More concerned that you don’t stand
While the blood drips from their hand


How proud they must be

The family who sacrificed is known as Khan
Their hero son was lost in war, we honor them
The family we know as Trump, their job is con
Their awful son shoots animals, ain’t he a gem?


Stop the hate
Start the love

Stop the gun killing
Stop the blood spilling
Stop the race baiting
Stop the cop hating
Start the now living
Start the craic giving
Start the life caring
Start the love sharing



What’s with this racist cop shit?
They need to fucking stop it!
Motherfuckers with a badge
Their tiny dicks get no vag
So they fling the brown man down
Throw his black ass on the ground
Shoot him twice into his head
Motherfuckers shot him dead!
No need for a punk ass trial
Though they’re guilty by a mile
Murder pigs will be set free
Slap the black community
It’s the same shit as before
They must want a racial war
We all want to live in peace
Till we do – FUCK THE POLICE!


Have a quiet 4th

I do not think the fourth is fun
When all the booms sound like a gun
We honor soldiers from the war
By scaring them a little more
They suffer from PTSD
To them these blasts do not bring glee
Our furry friends don’t like the bangs
They run away and join wild gangs
So think about the flash and noise
That’s made by men who act like boys


‪#‎FuckDaesh‬ twice, sideways with a broom

Istanbul has been bombed again
Too many victims – it’s insane
Travelers waiting for a plane
Terrorists are a huge shit stain


Fuck the NRA

Columbine was not enough
Fuck the NRA
Sandy Hook was not enough
Make them go away
Orlando was not enough
Fuck the NRA
Never will it be enough
What else can we say?


People > guns

Here’s a tip for you and yours
When a massacre occurs
Hug your family, not your gun
Or the terrorists have won

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