220117

220117
N stands for knowledgeable

I once was told to go to hell
But I could not drive there
I have a license now – that’s swell
Still I’m going nowhere
I should be good and happy that
I cannot get to hell
If they don’t have my dog and cat
It’s probably just as well

220114

220114
Happy birthday Brownie!

A dog was born ten years ago
His fur is brown, like cookie dough
He isn’t bright, a little dense
His head is stupidly immense
He’d sell his soul to get a treat
But most of all that dog is sweet
I’ll sing him this, but he won’t care
Oh happy birthday Brownie Bear!

220105

220105
Three degrees of urination

Woke up this morn, ’twas minus three
Got out of bed to have a pee
The ice cold floor was such a shock
Warm urine dribbled out my cock
My feet had frozen to the floor
As I leaked out a little more
The trickle turned into a stream
In panic, I let out a scream
So in came Linc and Brownie Bear
While I wailed in wet underwear
Then Brownie stepped into the piss
It splashed on Linc who gave a hiss
The two of them began to fight
While I assessed my pissy plight
I heard them roar and bark and howl
As I reached for the nearest towel
My feet had warmed – no longer stuck
I pulled them free of all the muck
Into the shower I did go
At last the urine ceased its flow
I cleaned the pets, I cleaned the floor
I cleaned myself three times or four
I threw the wet clothes in the bin
We will not speak of this again!

211124

211124
A yank’s thanks

I’m often asked, since I’m away
How do I spend Thanksgiving Day?
I do not have a big turkey
No stuffing, yams nor cranberry
I do not have my family here
No football games to watch and cheer
I kind of think, most displaced yanks
Just look around and give their thanks
That’s not to say I do not miss
A feast worthy of a chef’s kiss
Or seeing mom or Tom or dad
Of course those things do make me sad
But this is where my feet did roam
I’m in my new forever home
Although it’s far from you to me
I’m just right where I want to be

211115

211115
The brownest month

The leaves have fallen
And Brownie’s poo is steaming
Must be November

211018

211018
Fartin’ Jay Brownbear

He put a smell on you
From his behind
In fact the house now smells like poo
Oh god – I ain’t lyin’
Linc and I can’t stand it
We’re running away
You’re still stinky Brownie
The house reeks like a shit bouquet
He put a smell on you
From his behind

211006

211006
His number one trick

I took Brownie for a walk
He went pee on every block
We had walked about a mile
When he made a young girl smile
I don’t know what made her beam
Maybe it was Brownie’s stream
Wonder if he’d been a hit
If she had seen Brownie shit

210908

210908
Merry birthday

‘Twas the night before birthday, and inside my place
Linc and Brownie are sitting in front of my face
I’m trying to watch Parks and Rec season two
But these selfish monsters are blocking my view
They don’t have a cake and not even one toy
But they want to be near a good little boy
Now Brownie, now Lincoln, if you’ll both sit still
We’ll give brand new meaning to Netflix and chill

210901

210901
Long, straight, curly, fuzzy

It’s here, it’s there, I do declare
Around the house, there’s so much hair!
I sweep it up from nine to five
But I can’t stop, that hair’s alive!
It falls off Linc and Brownie Bear
It’s on the ground, it’s in the air
It’s black and brown and coarse and fine
I cannot lie, some hair is mine
It’s on the rug and every stair
It’s on the couch and every chair
It’s on my shirt, it’s on my hat
I have enough to make a cat
It’s on my face and derrière
This feckin’ hair is everywhere!

210820

210820
Happy Birthday Linc!

I have a cat, his name is Linc
His fur is soft and black as ink
His claws are sharp, his butthole pink
Around the house he likes to slink
Then disappears before I blink
He thinks that Brownie is a fink
He likes to make his boxes stink
His antics push me to the brink
So, twice a month I see a shrink
That little shit drives me to drink

210802

210802
And whatever else comes out of mammals

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Brownie’s main love
Is smelling poo

210707

210707
Now the real fireworks start!

For the next four months
Gird your loins and prepare for
Passels of pumpkins!

210623

210623
Nap lap trap

Linc nestles into my lap
Just so he can take a nap
As the hours fly on by
I might be stuck here till July

210607

210607
Walk Brownie walk

Walked with Brownie really far
Walked downtown past Ryan’s Bar
We walked past outdoor cafes
People basking in sunrays
We saw shops with fish and meat
Brownie thought he’d earned a treat
We walked past the new skate park
And small dogs that always bark
We walked past a donut shop
Brownie wouldn’t let me stop
We saw people all around
Life returning to this town
We crossed bridges here and there
I walked far with Brownie Bear

210531

210531
Did you notice?

If there is no poetry
Will they even notice?
If there are no posts from me
Will they even notice?
If no games or LEGO bricks
Will they even notice?
If no left wing politics
Will they even notice?
If no Linc or Brownie Bear
Will they even notice?
If no pix of COVID hair
Will they even notice?
If I shave off my goatee
Will they even notice?
Will I write this poetry
Just so you will notice?

210510

210510
Rat in a cage

I am full of rage
Linc kneads and Brownie snuggles
I am less angry

210507

210507
At the Y I’ll dine

It’s almost nine
I’m out of wine
These guys are mine
I’m feeling fine

210412

210412
The flowers are underwater

An Irish April
The perfunctory showers
Will bring May showers

210203

210203
Linc and Brownie speak ex cathedra

I sit upon my comfy seat
There is a cat between my feet
He’s sleeping now, it’s kind of sweet
Not screaming for more food to eat
And next to him is Brownie Bear
He covers me with his brown hair
I cannot move, I’m stuck – I swear
I think I need a bigger chair

210201

210201
None shall pass!

On the stairs, Linc sits and waits
To attack the things he hates
Sometimes it’s poor Brownie Bear
With each pass, he loses hair
Sometimes laces on my shoes
Feel the wrath of Linc’s abuse
Wiggled fingers near the rail
Move them quick, or he’ll impale
Ninja killer on the steps
He’ll shred up your quadriceps
If I go, he’ll cut me dead
I don’t need to go to bed…

210127

210127
On the 33rd day of Xmas…

My Christmas tree still lights the room
I only see friends my friends on zoom
Until my friends can visit me
I’m leaving up the fucking tree!

210125

210125
Dumb dog devours desserts & does damp doo doo

I need to dream a little more
I need to snooze, I need to snore
But Brownie scratches at the door
He needs out and I know what for
That big, dumb dog – his tummy hurts
He runs outside, he squats and squirts
He kinda earned those shakes and spurts
He should not wolf down my desserts

201221

201221
It’s raining deer – Merry Christmas

This has been a shitty year
So to bring some festive cheer
Brownie, Linc and I have gear
Wearing antlers like reindeer
Do they look good? I can’t tell
My yoke has a little bell
Brownie’s antlers look real swell
Linc thinks I should go to hell

201214

201214
My jingle jangled

Letting myself go
Don’t care how much I weigh
Sweets and cookie dough
Gorging all the way
Hanging out with Linc
He is not too bright
I’ll sit back and quaff my drink
I’ve had enough tonight!
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay

201202

201202
He’s a goofball

I caught my tail, so I’m a good boy
I ate the mail, so I’m a good boy
I bark real big, so I’m a good boy
I eat like pig, so I’m a good boy
I chase the cat, so I’m a good boy
I’m getting fat, so I’m a good boy
I sleep all day, so I’m a good boy
I never stay, so I’m a good boy
I shed real bad, so I’m a good boy
I love my dad, so I’m a good boy

201130

201130
Brownie caught his tail

Linc caught a mouse
Inside our house
He did it twice
He caught two mice
He thinks it’s fun
I hope he’s done

200916

200916
Bet they smell it in New Delhi

Watching Netflix on the telly
Linc is kneading on my belly
Brownie’s farts are awful smelly
Does my lifestyle make you jelly?

200914

200914
Art imitates art

Open my journal
And I write, “Dear Diary
Fuck 2020!”

200902

200902
Yes he is!

Brownie is a good boy
So he gets his good toy
Wagging his tail with joy
Brownie is a good boy

200817

200817
Proximity paralysis

I can call you on the phone
But I still feel all alone
We could maybe even zoom
But you’re not here in this room
We could have a meal to share
But you’re not here ’cause you’re there
But the thing I really fear
Is if you were really here

200708

200708
Brownie Bear at my side

It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
Look back on the Christmas lights (which Linc broke)
The tears that I cried
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
Oh! This is the doggie that Jean and I chose
Oh! This little doggie has such a cute nose
Oh! He runs at full speed along the chain fence
Oh! Brownie’s motherfucking head is immense
Oh! When out on a walk – don’t care where he goes
Oh! His head is so big, I think it still grows
Oh! The rest of the doggies don’t wear their leads
He runs through weeds, eating the seeds
That’s what Brownie Bear needs
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
Afterwards he takes a quick doze
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
When it’s time for dinner he knows
He wants a nice treat
He wants his rawhide
Still, it’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side