A callous phallus

The old man next door is a meanie
A fascist just like Mussolini
He’s no treats just tricks
This ghoul has no fix
He suffers from small hollow weenie


It’s alive!

I was handing out candy, late last night
And I woke this morning at first light
And suddenly to my surprise
My Christmas tree began to rise
He did the smash – he did the pumpkin smash
The pumpkin smash – orange seeds in a splash
He did the smash – he threw guts in the trash
He did the smash – he did the pumpkin smash
From my back garden to my living room
He was smashing gourds for a pumpkin tomb
His allies came from the nurseries
They were hammer-wielding Christmas trees
They did the smash – they did the pumpkin smash
The pumpkin smash – orange seeds in a splash
They did the smash – they threw guts in the trash
They did the smash – they did the pumpkin smash


Goblin girls

There once was a green little goblin
Her wife and she often were squabblin’
So they’d get some drink
Until they were pink
And come home three sheets and a wobblin’


Pumpkin pawing period

October can be hideous
When ghosts and goblins pity us
Be sure to make the pixies proud
By showing them you are endowed
With mighty gourds and giant squash
They’ll love your swagger and panache
So go and grab that orange butt
But wait to make the deepest cut


Now the real fireworks start!

For the next four months
Gird your loins and prepare for
Passels of pumpkins!


207 dreadful days…

The next real fun is Halloween
From now to then there’s naught between
So while my Xmas tree’s still up
I’m busting out my pumpkin cup!


Crappy Halloween

Trick or treat
Smell my feet
2020 is not sweet
Treat or trick
Suck my dick
2020 makes me sick


Poitín > pot of gold

The spooky day will be here soon
I have been hyped since half past June
If you don’t like please don’t impugn
I like black cats, but I’m no loon
And over in this land of green
The treats are good, the tricks aren’t mean
And if you’re nice you’ll get poitín
That’s why I treasure Halloween


Different seasons

August has AU
Autumn has AU also
August is autumn


730 Jean free days 💔

Two years ago I lost my wife
While others choose this day to weep
The end does not define her life
Her memory each day I keep


Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me

While I’m handing out the candy
Rocky Horror makes me randy
Sweets and treats for all the kiddies
As I stare at Janet’s titties


Pink looked good on me

Stranger Things returns!
To honor that, my costume
Went to Eleven


You’re my boo

Halloween is drawing near
Soon will be the time for fear
Through the thrift stores I do tear
Gotta find something to wear!


The first taste is free

From door to door all over town
It’s time for kids to shake us down
I shaved my head like Walter White
To give out crystal meth tonight


Happy Halloween Eve!

I am a pope, and Jean’s a nun
Brownie’s a cop without a gun
Raven’s a freaking astronaut
Linc isn’t cool with what he’s got
We may not have scary costumes
But as the kids ride witches brooms
To our front door to get their treat
Our neighbors must accept defeat
We have the best house on the block
And Charlie Brown still got a rock


Boris sent me

Vampires give a fright
Because they might bite
The poor ol’ mummy
His wardrobe’s crummy
Zombies don’t like grains
They’d rather eat brains
Invisible Man?
I’m not a big fan
Wolf man is scary
He’s so damn hairy
The Overlook’s ghost
Is not a good host
The creature has gills
He gives me the chills
I do not like ghouls
They’re grave robbing fools
Doc Victor is mean
His lab is not clean
His monster is green
He hates Halloween!


Have a groovy Halloween

Raven is a bumble bee
Her tail stings so viciously
Brownie is a dinosaur
His mouth is hard to ignore
Linc does not have a costume
Dressing him would spell our doom


Thanks Leisure Time Games

A Halloween gameday at the mall
So many games, I can’t play them all
Doomtown, Pathfinder
Munchkin Loot Letter
Waterdeep, and some I can’t recall


K-K-K-Kenny and Annette

(To Elton John’s “Bennie and the Jets”)
He’s handy, she’s cheerful,
Have you ever met?
Our friends’re so much fun,
Kenny and Annette
Oh but he’s kind, and she’s affable
Oh Kenny he’s really lean
Annette is quite astute, she’s really cute
You know their house looks like it’s Halloween
Kenny and Annette


Howard Phillips <3 Craft

Hallowe’en in a Suburb
By H. P. Lovecraft

The steeples are white in the wild moonlight,
And the trees have a silver glare;
Past the chimneys high see the vampires fly,
And the harpies of upper air,
That flutter and laugh and stare.

For the village dead to the moon outspread
Never shone in the sunset’s gleam,
But grew out of the deep that the dead years keep
Where the rivers of madness stream
Down the gulfs to a pit of dream.

A chill wind weaves thro’ the rows of sheaves
In the meadows that shimmer pale,
And comes to twine where the headstones shine
And the ghouls of the churchyard wail
For harvests that fly and fail.

Not a breath of the strange grey gods of change
That tore from the past its own
Can quicken this hour, when a spectral pow’r
Spreads sleep o’er the cosmic throne
And looses the vast unknown.

So here again stretch the vale and plain
That moons long-forgotten saw,
And the dead leap gay in the pallid ray,
Sprung out of the tomb’s black maw
To shake all the world with awe.

And all that the morn shall greet forlorn,
The ugliness and the pest
Of rows where thick rise the stones and brick,
Shall some day be with the rest,
And brood with the shades unblest.

Then wild in the dark let the lemurs bark,
And the leprous spires ascend;
For new and old alike in the fold
Of horror and death are penn’d,
For the hounds of Time to rend.


And pumpkin cider

A Happy Halloween
To every kid and tween
If you are on our street
Come by to trick-or-treat
While you eat our candy
We’ll be drinking brandy


Our werewolf is pretty hairy

Trick or treaters should be wary
Of our house; it looks real scary
While our candy is quite tasty
It might be a little hasty
To approach us for some candy
A good costume would be handy
So don’t even think of knocking
If your outfit isn’t rocking


See you next year

Halloween’s near!
Pumpkins appear
This time of year
Though Jean will cheer
It may seem queer
I quake with fear
But do not jeer
Or look and sneer
This sounds severe
But I’m sincere
Let me be clear
My dread will rear
When it is here
I’ll disappear!


Though it’ll be hot ’til Halloween

Labor Day, the end of summer
Work tomorrow, what a bummer
Today is swimming in the pool
Tomorrow going back to school
Today is hanging with good friends
Tomorrow summer vacay ends
Don’t become a Summer mourner
Christmas is around the corner

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