A yank’s thanks

I’m often asked, since I’m away
How do I spend Thanksgiving Day?
I do not have a big turkey
No stuffing, yams nor cranberry
I do not have my family here
No football games to watch and cheer
I kind of think, most displaced yanks
Just look around and give their thanks
That’s not to say I do not miss
A feast worthy of a chef’s kiss
Or seeing mom or Tom or dad
Of course those things do make me sad
But this is where my feet did roam
I’m in my new forever home
Although it’s far from you to me
I’m just right where I want to be


It’s alive!

I was handing out candy, late last night
And I woke this morning at first light
And suddenly to my surprise
My Christmas tree began to rise
He did the smash – he did the pumpkin smash
The pumpkin smash – orange seeds in a splash
He did the smash – he threw guts in the trash
He did the smash – he did the pumpkin smash
From my back garden to my living room
He was smashing gourds for a pumpkin tomb
His allies came from the nurseries
They were hammer-wielding Christmas trees
They did the smash – they did the pumpkin smash
The pumpkin smash – orange seeds in a splash
They did the smash – they threw guts in the trash
They did the smash – they did the pumpkin smash


207 dreadful days…

The next real fun is Halloween
From now to then there’s naught between
So while my Xmas tree’s still up
I’m busting out my pumpkin cup!


I hope someone will say – fair play!

I get food from the take-away
And Monday week is next Monday
When driving over to Galway
I take the Dual Carriageway
Post X-mas is St. Stephen’s Day
And fourteen stones is what I weigh
The pitch is where the hurlers play
I keep on learning every day


On the 33rd day of Xmas…

My Christmas tree still lights the room
I only see friends my friends on zoom
Until my friends can visit me
I’m leaving up the fucking tree!


Happy bastard’s birthday

There was a new mother named Mary
But Joseph’s son she did not carry
When asked by her guy
She made up a lie
Though pregnant she still had her cherry


Seinfeld >>> Friends

It’s Christmas Eve Eve
Also known as Festivus
Thanks 90’s TV


It’s raining deer – Merry Christmas

This has been a shitty year
So to bring some festive cheer
Brownie, Linc and I have gear
Wearing antlers like reindeer
Do they look good? I can’t tell
My yoke has a little bell
Brownie’s antlers look real swell
Linc thinks I should go to hell


Hide the reindeer sausage

There once was a reindeer named Donner
To serve Santa Claus was his honor
He used his esteem
To hustle and scheme
A young elven lass and get on her


The dream before Xmas

‘Twas a week before Christmas, and all over town
All the talk about COVID was bringing me down
I wanted to snuggle and spoon in a bed
With a winsome woman who loves giving head
And what do my wondering eyes should appear
But a sweet Irish lass to bring me good cheer
She sat on my lap, and she rubbed on my dick
If she kept that friction, I knew I’d come quick
I needed her badly – to unload my sack
So onto the mattress, and there she lay back
I kissed down below – I kissed on her belly
Her perky tits heaved and jiggled like jelly
A wink of her eye, and a roll ’round the bed
She drained Santa’s sack, and then left me for dead
I was to bring gifts to some kids up the road
But here with this lass I had dropped my whole load
As I left the temptress who looked out of sight
“Happy Christmas to me, I’ve had such a good night!”


My jingle jangled

Letting myself go
Don’t care how much I weigh
Sweets and cookie dough
Gorging all the way
Hanging out with Linc
He is not too bright
I’ll sit back and quaff my drink
I’ve had enough tonight!
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay


Is Chip on the chop?

The Bruins play ball at the Rose Bowl
And beating the Trojans is their goal
To lose is a sin
If Chip doesn’t win
His stocking will be filled with black coal


Covid Claus

There once was a dude named Kris Kringle
Whose bags were so full they would jingle
Through front and back roads
He dropped many loads
He left behind gifts that would tingle


Brownie Bear at my side

It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
Look back on the Christmas lights (which Linc broke)
The tears that I cried
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
Oh! This is the doggie that Jean and I chose
Oh! This little doggie has such a cute nose
Oh! He runs at full speed along the chain fence
Oh! Brownie’s motherfucking head is immense
Oh! When out on a walk – don’t care where he goes
Oh! His head is so big, I think it still grows
Oh! The rest of the doggies don’t wear their leads
He runs through weeds, eating the seeds
That’s what Brownie Bear needs
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
Afterwards he takes a quick doze
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
When it’s time for dinner he knows
He wants a nice treat
He wants his rawhide
Still, it’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side


The first of many

Frosty morning walk
Friends, presents, eating, and drinks
Kilkenny Christmas


That must have been some doll

I really hope this Festivus
Brings good cheer for the rest of us
I’ll win the feats of strength no doubt
And grievances may get aired out
But there’s no hate around my pole
While Black Pete brings you lumps of coal
There had to be another way
And Festivus became that day
Remember in just two days time
The Christmas bells will start to chime
For peace on earth, goodwill to all
Who bought their son a lovely doll


It also came early

I heard there was some snow nearby
At least one flake fell from the sky
I wipe some moisture from my eye
“It’s time for fruitcake and mince pie!
The tree and lights are standing by!
I’ll get mom shoes and dad a tie!
Let’s take some pix with that fat guy!
IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME!” – my battle cry


Happy Xmas 2018!

I wish all days were Christmas Eve
The time of year when we believe
That someday we’ll get peace on earth
And everyone is full of mirth
When kitchens are chock-full of food
And Christmas punch can fix your mood
There’s so much fun, no one will leave
I wish all days were Christmas Eve


He went down on history

A crimson-nosed reindeer named Rudy
A loner, both sullen and moody
When he was depressed
What made him feel best
Was dressing like Cher, Madge and Judy


Be more than one flavor

There once was a fella named Santa
Who scored whores in downtown Atlanta
While giving him head
A toothless one said
“His jism tastes just like grape Fanta!”


Twinkle twinkle little Linc

I thought I got the tree for me
But little Linc thinks differently
A star should sit upon the peak
But that’s where Linc decides to sneak


Or whatever you celebrate

Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas – peace to all
And Happy New Year


All for me!

When I’m longing for Jean’s presence
I go shopping and buy presents
Just for me and not for sharing
I am great at my self caring


Or maybe the next day

Hard to be festive and merry
When the world is fucking scary
Though there’s pain and utter sorrow
I will be cheery tomorrow


My favorite time of year

Tree and lights are up
Shopping and parties begin
Christmastime is here


My Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa wish too

I have one wish this Festivus
For Jean to be as well as us
Maybe more well than Dave the drunk
His muddled head’s missing a chunk
And way better than fatso Fred
He’s one donut away from dead
And don’t forget ol’ smelly Sue
She stinks worse than a pile of poo
My wish for Jean this Festivus –
Better health than the rest of us!


A real prequel

I can’t wait to see Rogue One!
Ready for some Star Wars fun
Keeping with the Christmas cheer
You will get no spoilers here!


Spirits for the Xmas spirit

Drinking at the Christmas party
Diet cola and Bacardi
Ate a rib eye that was yummy
So much goodness in my tummy
Then came time to exchange presents
I gave dollars; they gave ten cents
Left the party as it ended
Kind of glad that I attended


X-mas will be blue this year

Why do I always cry?
Constant tear drops in my eye
I do fear lack of cheer
Will be commonplace this year


Christmastime in our bungalow

Bundled up like an Eskimo
Warming hands with some hot cocoa
Christmas songs on the radio
Jingle Bells in my falsetto
Kissing Jean under mistletoe
That is how every day should go


Maximize lights per square inch

To brighten up this shitty year
I hung the lights upon our tree
This early start on Christmas cheer
Helps change my mood from gloom to glee