170331

170331
Go! Go Ed!! Go!!!

Edgar’s got a bike to ride
From the bay to the Westside
Powered by his strength and smiles
He will ride 500 miles
Climbing up and down the grades
All to bring an end to AIDS

170329

170329
Where’s your tilde?

There once was a traitor named Devin
Whose Trump love went well past eleven
And like a dumbbell
He shared his intel
Which broke off the seal numbered seven

170327

170327
I don’t like Mondays

The weekend was great
Two days of fun and frolic
But now it’s Monday

170324

170324
#TheArtOfTheFail

I should not laugh, I should not gloat
But Trump is on a sinking boat
There’s so much chaos on the hill
He cannot pass his new health bill
Repeal-Replace has gone nowhere
So we still have Obamacare
The swamp is streaming through the breach
It’s “when” not “if” we should impeach

170322

170322
We’re the best! Yes we are!

We are feeble-minded folks
Every night, the same dumb jokes
We think that we’re such a hoot
Simple, but at least we’re cute

170320

170320
Hit me with your best shart!

The last few days have not been great
For bathroom trips I vacillate
Between the squirts and smelly farts
My TP use is off the charts
And now I trust my flatulence
About as much as Trump and Pence
Another cramp, so here I sit
I cannot wait for solid shit

170317

170317
Throat punch for Patty

Every Irish lass and laddie
Knows today is all for Paddy
From Clonmel to Cincinnati
They’ll punch you if you say Patty

170315

170315
I’m a leprechaun artist

St. Paddy’s day – you can’t escape
Just two more days to get in shape
You’ll eat and drink till you’re a sphere
But please don’t drink green, fucking beer

170313

170313
Somebody’s watching Jizztrumpet

Land of the free; home of the brave
But spies live in your microwave
Oh purple mountain majesty
Team 45’s a travesty

170310

170310
Just like war priests at black masses

There once was a half-orc named Oloch
Who got his sword stuck in the bedrock
It wasn’t that dumb
He channeled Gorum
Which helped him defeat a dark warlock

170308

170308
#DayWithoutAWoman

A day without a woman
Would seem to be inhuman
No women means no living
There would be no hug giving
No mothers making dinner
Or being the breadwinner
Make sure you thank a female
By bringing her a cocktail

170306

170306
Scariest Poe poem ever

Grabbing pussies makes me cheery, while Steve Bannon sits there bleary
Kellyanne was cleaning puddles sprinkled over my golden floor
While I tweeted, close to crapping, suddenly there came a slapping,
As if Putin fiercely fapping, fapping on my golden floor.
“‘Tis Obama! Wire tapping, tapping on my golden floor-
He is sick and so much more!”

170303

170303
The play’s the thing

We had a real good day
We went to see a play
We had a real good night
We got a tasty bite
Into our bed we creep
It’s time to go to sleep

170301

170301
Sacrifice? Or getting ready for summer?

If you have an ashen smudge
And you’ve given up sweet fudge
‘Cause your goal is losing pudge
Do you think your god will judge?