My asterisk is on fire

You should trust me when I say
It’s good to have a bidet
When you go to eat buffet
On colonoscopy day


Love trumps hate

Clinton is the first
She’s the nominee
And Trump is the worst
He’s a wannabe
The sound you’re hearing
Is of broken glass
If you’re still jeering
You can kiss my ass!


She’s my Santa Maria Girl

Well I took a chance, on a dating site
On a Friday-I-ay-I-ay
And when she walked in, she was dynamite
On a summer day-I-ay-I-ay
She was lots of fun, such a pretty girl
And I felt right then, I would take a whirl
I can tell you friends, I knew what to do
I gave her a ring, she’s my sugar pooh


In a nutshell
We’ve gone to hell

Trump makes them fear
And they all cheer
He spews out hate
They think it’s great
I’m scared as shit
That Trump wins it



I have love for Leslie Jones
She was made from funny bones
Fuck the haters and their hate
Leslie Jones is fucking great


Stop the hate
Start the love

Stop the gun killing
Stop the blood spilling
Stop the race baiting
Stop the cop hating
Start the now living
Start the craic giving
Start the life caring
Start the love sharing


Pokemon d’oh!

I will not play Pokemon Go
I never watched that stupid show
I don’t need games to walk outside
Into brick wall I won’t collide
It’s free to play? I’ll get the app
No doubt it sucks, I’m sure it’s crap
I caught Squirtle, he’s pretty cute
I want some more, so off I scoot
Around the corner comes a truck
I level up, and “HOLY —”


Steve – you’re welcome

I know what I’m gonna do
I will make an epic poo
I will eat a ton of fruit
Let it brew until I toot
Then go sit upon my throne
And whip out my ol’ iPhone
Push until it hurts my hole
Push until it fills the bowl
Though I have an aching ass
Epic turds like this are class


Show us your love

Go hug your kids, go hug them tight
Embrace loved ones with all your might
Love long and hard, do not pretend
You never know when it may end



What’s with this racist cop shit?
They need to fucking stop it!
Motherfuckers with a badge
Their tiny dicks get no vag
So they fling the brown man down
Throw his black ass on the ground
Shoot him twice into his head
Motherfuckers shot him dead!
No need for a punk ass trial
Though they’re guilty by a mile
Murder pigs will be set free
Slap the black community
It’s the same shit as before
They must want a racial war
We all want to live in peace
Till we do – FUCK THE POLICE!


Have a quiet 4th

I do not think the fourth is fun
When all the booms sound like a gun
We honor soldiers from the war
By scaring them a little more
They suffer from PTSD
To them these blasts do not bring glee
Our furry friends don’t like the bangs
They run away and join wild gangs
So think about the flash and noise
That’s made by men who act like boys


Loving spoonful

I did not think I’d ever see
A heart shaped clump made by cat pee
Linc must have tried with all his might
To leave this gift for us last night
He found a way to show his love
It’s super sweet, at least kind of
I’d rather he purr on my knee
Than shower us with gifts of pee

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