Games or rent?

1188 games in Essen
1188 games to see here
1188 games in Essen
How could you play them, play them in a year?
At your house, and their house,
At game nights, and at conventions
With strangers, with friends,
With husband or wife
1188 games in Essen
How could you play them all in your whole life?


Loathsome lunatic from Leningrad

The thing I hate most about Putin
He went into Ukraine a-shootin’
I’m gonna be blunt
The fucker’s a cunt
He struts around all highfalutin



England suffers from football fate
They forgot to close the Southgate
Rashford, Sancho and young Saka
At penalties, they were caca
But here across the Irish Sea
No tears were shed for those missed three
We celebrate – #ItsGoingRome
Meanwhile our team never left home


Still at level five

There once was a woman named Bronagh
Who wanted to visit Verona
But thanks to lockdown
She can’t leave her town
All thanks to the virus Corona


I thought the day would never come

This year needs a fucking conclusion
Impeached due to Russian collusion
Then masks that cause facial contusion
We’ve all suffered from forced seclusion
We can’t have a big celebration
But one thing will bring jubilation
And comfort to every nation…
Spontaneous ejaculation!!!


Dear Micheál, show prudence

Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open up the pubs
Dear Micheál, don’t forget nightclubs
We want to drink and shake our hips
Why do I need to order chips?
Dear Micheál, won’t you open up the pubs?
Dear Micheál, let us drink and smile
Dear Micheál, we’ve been good a while
We’d like to buy some pints to drain
We want to drink and smile again
Dear Micheál, won’t you let us drink and smile?
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?


Thick, arrogant prick

Hogan’s sorry he got caught
Is he sorry? Not a lot!
He still claims he did no wrong
That is why we say “SO LONG!”


Voting in 9 x 9 days!

The Senator Kamala Harris
With Biden – they will not embarrass
The US of A
Which as of today
Is laughed at in Seoul, Rome, and Paris


Sorry Dexy

Poor old pangolin
Don’t eat him like a sloppy joe
Nor top him on your pizza dough
They have thick hide, don’t blame or slay them
It’s spread (from Wuhan)
And spread (to Milan)
Outbreaks here, there and wherever
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!
COVID-19, wash your hands (thoroughly)
If you’re coughing, do into your sleeve
We don’t possess, a means to address
Oh it’s dirty
Ah, COVID-19
Don’t bring it ’round here
No scanning at our airports yet
So staying inside’s our safest bet
They’ve hinted (No Paddy’s), um, say what? (No Paddy’s)
That won’t sit with us now laddie
We’ll go maddy!
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!


The long goodbye

No longer Europe’s friend
You thought it best to end
So long
We wanted you to stay
But you fled anyway
You will not see us grieve
When all you tories leave
Auf Wiedersehen
Don’t let the door hit ya
Where the good Lord split ya


Money lesson in Essen

Nice trip to Essen
I still bought a lot of games
But less than last year


Apologies to Coolio

As I walk through the packed aisles and I look to my right
I see a game that I want and I devise to squeeze in tight
‘Coz I’ve been planning and reading so long, that
I got to buy this game before it is gone
You see Rahdo told me that this one is phenomenal
Because negative interaction is nominal
Then my wallet does the talkin’, and I start walkin’
Until Boydell’s new game is blockin’
I really love his games, so I buy it, dude
He better sign the box or that would be quite rude, fool
I’m the board game geek that goes around with a Pope hat
So all the folks in the math trade hall know where I’m at

Though I’ve only been there twice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Tokens, cards, minis and dice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Kickstarter’s my only vice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Buying games at twice the price
Essen is a gamer’s paradise


May would not be soon

May is out in June
Who’s the next buffoon?
Will this Tory goon
Sing the same old tune?


Yes we are

There is no wall and
UK is still in EU
Must be April Fools


A rake of shit

The Jizztrumpet rakes up the leaves
His fucking face gives me dry heaves
With Putin, Foster, Pence and May
I wish they all would blow away


German dungeon porn

There once was a fräulein from Essen
Who wanted to teach men a lesson
She said she liked boys
And all of their toys
But as it turns out she was messin’


Everyone there is so happy to be there

Soon I will be there in Essen
Queueing for a board game lesson
Richard, Tony, Matt and Uwe
Will show we their new games to play
Blackout: Hong Kong, Carpe Diem
I will buy ’em when I see ’em
So much playing and more buying
Pretty sure my wallet’s crying


It might help

The States are not United
And Britain isn’t Great
The world is more divided
So, I’ll just masturbate


I want gulaš for all

France and Croatia
Roosters versus tablecloths
The World Cup Final


Water restrictions in Ireland?!?

It’s been so long without the rain
Sure it’s as hot as France or Spain
The whitest Irish has a tan
We’re now under a hosepipe ban
With dirty cars and dying plants
We need to do a Riverdance
Dry kiddie pools – ain’t that a bitch
While water sprays the hurling pitch!


Around the world in 90 days

These last three months have been quite rough
I’ve lived them all without my stuff
I packed it up and said goodbye
And off it went via Shanghai
The trip has been far from banal
It went through the Suez Canal
Then Rotterdam before Dublin
Excitement level is bubblin’
I’m finally gonna get my gear
Tomorrow it’s delivered here!


Taco of Gibraltar

There once was a foodie named Rocco
Who wanted to eat the best taco
Papaya and goat
Served on the love boat
Half way between Spain and Morocco


Just the tip

There was a strange man from Kilkenny
Who’d suck his own dick for a penny
The kind of a guy
Who’d blast in his eye
If given a ten or a twenny


This little piggy went to Waterford

There was a fat man from Dungarvan
Who sharpened his knives to start carvin’
He slaughtered a beast
And cooked a huge feast
Then ate it all like he was starvin’


Or GenCon or Origins or…

As a game geek, I’m not messin’
Really wish I was in Essen
Charterstone is on the hot list
Gaia Project cannot be missed
Scottish Clans are making whisky
Tony Boydell has some Nice Tea
Transatlantic, Keyper, Merlin
Now my mind cannot stop whirlin’
Altiplano, Codenames: Duet
All my gaming needs would be met
Though my love for games won’t lessen
Really wish I was in Essen



Jizztrumpet says Germans are bad
One of the worst was his own dad
This has to make most teutons mad
But does make him Putin’s comrade


‪#‎FuckDaesh‬ twice, sideways with a broom

Istanbul has been bombed again
Too many victims – it’s insane
Travelers waiting for a plane
Terrorists are a huge shit stain


‪#‎Brexit‬? how ’bout ‪#‎FuxItUp‬!

EU is a bloody mess
Like a Donald Trump U.S.
Merry England wants to leave
Chaos is all they achieve
Scotland voted to remain
And Gibraltar next to Spain
Ulster said it wants to stay
Now they may unite some day
UK’s money loses ground
Peso’s worth more than the pound
Misinformed and racist Brits
Put their county in the shits
Now the home of Mr. Bean
Can’t be saved by king or queen


So long 2015!

2016 is almost here
It’s time to look back on the year
In Paris there were two attacks
White lives don’t matter less than blacks
ISIS proceeds to terrorize
And mass shootings are on the rise
Another Bush; Trump wants a wall
The Right has no one good at all
Glad Star Wars fans around the block
Sad Star Trek fans lost Mr. Spock
Australia was a lot of fun
Then Jean and I toured Hobbiton
Later we lost Eugene and Lou
But now there’s one more thing to do
So raise your glass and give a cheer
It’s time to say, “Happy New Year!”


Wish you were here

The third planet from the Sun is Earth
From Paris to Pismo Beach to Perth
April Twenty Two
Is a day for you
To consider the world’s future worth

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