The first taste is free

From door to door all over town
It’s time for kids to shake us down
I shaved my head like Walter White
To give out crystal meth tonight


It’s cold up there with no hair

I just cut off all my hair
I did this to show I care
Even though I now look mean
I’d do anything for Jean


I do this when I break-in

In the morn, tummy’s achin’
Late to work, ’cause I’m flakin’
I don’t know what I’m makin’
But of course, it’s with bacon
I take one, now I’m takin’
So much nom that I’m shakin’
This is how to awaken!



Bears versus babies
We all know that bears would win
Because of lasers


Save the day
Save the world

Jizztrumpet says she is nasty
His rude comments don’t get past me
Interrupting like a ding-dong
Always yelling that she’s “Wrong! Wrong!”
Sounding like a broken record
His whole campaign has been absurd
I hope women will remember
On the eighth day of November


Hopeful haiku

The cancer is back
Started chemotherapy
Better fucking work


Keep sending good thoughts

Old doc’s treatment had been subpar
So I took Jean to the ER
New doc came in with an answer
Now we know it’s fucking cancer
Been in pain, and three months later
Clearly old doc was a traitor
Bad news isn’t ever easy
And I know that this sounds cheesy
Sweetie Pea is a big brawler
She will make the tumors smaller
Your support has been tremendous
Thanks for all the love you send us


I read the news today – oh boy!

Good news
Woo hoos
I’m glad
Grave news
Boo hoos
I’m sad
Guilt news
Blown fuse
I’m mad


Expand your terror!

There is a house upon the hill
The quickest glance can bring a chill
My friends and I answered a call
But that grim house betrayed us all
We searched the manse from room to room
Until we found unending doom
Try as I might, I cannot block
The horrors of the Widow’s Walk!


Happy birthday Tom!

I have a big brother named Tommy
We have the same daddy and mommy
We went to The Hat
To eat food and chat
Because they have the best pastrami


The Ghastlytrump tinies

The work is done, the secret’s out
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
We all know Trump’s deplorable
But this book is adorable
The images and clever scripts
Predict a Trump apocalypse
Send them your cash or just donate
And love will triumph over hate


Stop clowning around

Creepy forests outside of towns
Are stomping grounds for grotesque clowns
Feelings hidden by extreme paint
Pallid makeup will make kids faint
The balloons float to draw you near
Then they show up to instill fear
Scaring children and adults too
Coming soon to forests near you!


Save the tatas!

October is all about boobies
To men, they’re as precious as rubies
In all the small towns and big cities
We have to take care of the titties
All hipsters and hippies and yuppies
Should protect these prized sweater puppies
From knockers and jugs to small bug bites
Make sure that you inspect your headlights
Awareness and funding’s the answer
To finding a cure for breast cancer

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