He isn’t anymore

I’m the fucking President
Take me to the Capitol now
I’m the fucking President
I know I won the vote somehow
I’m the fucking President
They may have guns but won’t shoot me
I’m the fucking President
I stacked the courts so I’ll stay free!


Lavatory lamentation

On a bus for transportation
Corcaigh is my destination
Traffic means a hesitation
Causing much exasperation
I would like to bring cessation
To my need for urination
With a sense of desperation
To the jacks with trepidation
Odor is a foul sensation
I hold on for concentration
Need to get some relaxation
Waiting for piss termination
Pull my pants up with elation
Back to seat for the duration
Silently in celebration
Waiting for the final station


Everything in the rain

An Irish summer
Means fun activities like
Camping in the rain


Above and below

I rolled the die under a chair
I need to get it out of there
But in the floor, there is a hole
To get it now, I’ll need a pole
But I have none, I want to cry
I’ll never get that missing die
But that’s ok, I do have more
And most are not below the floor


Once a year

A day before the yanks agree
It’s summer from Muff to Tralee
The sun is hot, the sky is blue
The ice cream shop has quite a queue
It’s time for shorts and sunny smiles
On hilltops you can see for miles
The kind of day when Irish cheer
‘Cause summer comes one day a year


She has a very tight calendar

Mother’s day is March or May
Depending where you are
Then in June it’s Father’s day
Now isn’t that bizarre?
Calendars have men second
It’s usually reversed
It’s about time I reckon
That moms get to come first


All you can eat is not a challenge

I swiped right and went on a date
We ended up at her place
I thought that it was going great
Already was on first base
But dinner was a big buffet
I knew that this would spoil it
The gurgles started straight away
I had to use her toilet
To ghost someone is horrible
It really is a sin though
But that smell was deplorable
So I snuck out the window


Cardboard conundrum

Solving puzzles can be risky
When you’re drinking wine or whiskey
The small pieces will stop fitting
And in time you’ll end up quitting
Cardboard corners will start bending
And you’ll never see the ending
If it’s cab sav that you guzzle
Do not start a jigsaw puzzle


Slip of the tongue

I learned this when I was young
And since then I’ve fairly flung
If like me you are well tongue
Doesn’t matter how you’re hung


Ms. Marvel

The superhero show is on
It’s all about Kamala Khan
The haters say they could care less
But real fans think it’s marvelous


Lately things they don’t seem the same

I’ve been in a haze
For four or five days
It’s been since the first
And just gotten worse
I’ve been close to tears
For four or five years
My eyes are a fount
When birthdays don’t count


Or not so secretly

There once was a man who was creepy
He’d often pretend to be sleepy
His snoring was fake
He’d lay there awake
And secretly rub on his pee pee



I got home safely
Then I slept for twelve hours
What an awesome trip!

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