Guardians of the Christmas Tree

Drax and Mantis stage a break-in
And they kidnap Kevin Bacon
In the end they kind of botch it
But I think you still should watch it


Ms. Marvel

The superhero show is on
It’s all about Kamala Khan
The haters say they could care less
But real fans think it’s marvelous


Fist of Khonshu

I think I may, I think I might
Tell you about Marvel’s Moon Knight
A hero since the seventies
With multiple identities
Marc Spector is a hired merc
He’s not that nice, kind of a jerk
And Steven Grant’s another side
That’s who came out when Marc would hide
They died, and this might sound bizarre
Returned as Khonshu’s avatar
They vanquish villains by moonlight
The crime fighter known as Moon Knight!


Ikaris sucks

The worst character
In Marvel’s Eternals is
A bloody Scotsman


I can do this all day

So that was Hawkeye
Another show done
The season is over
When is the next one?
And so that was Hawkeye
I really had fun
The old nearly deaf one
Kate Bishop’s quite young
A very happy Marvel
An excelsior year
Can’t wait for the next one
It’s Moon Knight, I hear
It started with Wanda (-Hawkeye’s over-)
Then Bucky and Sam (-You should watch it-)
Now there’s more than one Loki (-Hawkeye’s over-)
Thor just said, “Goddamn!” (-Now-)
Black Widow and Shang-Chi (-Hawkeye’s over-)
What If…? had some fright (-You should watch it-)
Doc Ock and Green Goblin (-Hawkeye’s over-)
Three Spiders to fight (-Now-)
A very happy Marvel
An excelsior year
Except for Eternals
It’s bad, so I hear


Kate is in Clint’s class

There once was a Hawkeye named Barton
Who found a sidekick he could smarten
When Clint first met Thor
Cap, Tony and more
Kate Bishop was in kindergarten


Why not…?

What if Marvel made a series
Based on fans’ obsessive queries?
They could tell the same old fables
But some change would turn the tables
The Hulk is tame and not a brute
A talking raccoon says, “I’m Groot!”
And Iron Man’s not built by Stark
Instead he makes a copper shark!
Nick Fury’s still a super spy
His patch is on his other eye!
And baldy Watcher shows the diff
You know they’d call that show What If…?


You put your right one in…

I’m watching a show about Loki
Some think he’s as tasty as gnocchi
They would take it out
And shake it about
In order to do Loki pokey


As sidekick to Cap he was plucky

There once was a soldier named Bucky
Who fell from a train but was lucky
He lost his left arm
But no other harm
His new metal arm isn’t sucky


Blood, privilege and cold

A new Cap in red, white and blue
Without serum, he’s just like you
He’s beaten up by two black chicks
A red-head girl gets in some kicks
His pride is hurt and so’s his friend
His means will justify the end
But will he change with this one vial?
Will he be good or become vile?
His hatefulness is now revealed
He’ll end you with his fucking shield!


Oh snap!

A couple named Vision and Wanda
Should never have gone to Wakanda
First killed by his wife
Then Thanos took life
What happened to Vizh is a shanda


That sore on his lip was a canker

This fella from Cork was a banker
He got a tattoo of an anchor
He thought it was cool
But that fucking fool
His mom told him – “You’re still a wanker!”


He’s plain batty

There once was a villain named Joker
Who was bad and not mediocre
He made people smile
Then killed them with style
While wearing a vest that was ochre


Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky

Infinity Stones
Wielded by The Mad Titan
Stardust in the wind


Wakanda forever

Wakanda is cool
Bald women with spears are hot
Black Panther is great


We are family

White House is a huge disgrace
Jizztrumpet is in our face
Hollywood is showing warts
Nothing good in world of sports
Ragnarok is doing well
Breast cancer can go to hell
But I do not give a damn
I’m just hanging with the fam


Can’t wait for Volume 3!

There once was a raccoon named Rocket
His friend Groot could fit in his pocket
He’s covered in fur
But one thing’s for sure
His tail won’t be worn by a Crockett


This looks Hela good!

Hammer shock
I predict lines ’round the block
Hulk and Thor
Go to war
This is what I’ve waited for!


I gained the knot of wings #thornwatch

When Eyrewood’s under attack
The villagers are quick to act
They tie a knot on a tree’s notch
To summon aid from the Thornwatch
The watch bring hope when there is fear
And ebb makes sure evil is near
When darkness lurks there is no rest
To all who dwell in the forest
If you’re seeking adventures grand
The Eyrewood could use a hand
But briar thorns are all you got
So find a birch, and tie a knot


International Trump day

Brownie and Raven are good dogs
On weekends, we go riding hogs
I want to move to the UK
I want to work all night and day
Trojans and Yankees are my faves
Olives and mushrooms are my craves
Corned Beef is the best Irish food
That Kanye West is one cool dude
I like DC more than Marvel
I like life forms that were larval
The best rock group is Fleetwood Mac
My life is planned by zodiac
Tom Cruise told me about Xenu
It fits right in with my world view
As president, Trump has the tools
If you believe this – April Fools!


Did he kill himself

I need to get this off my mind
If you watch Flash but are behind
I warn you now to leave the room
Jay Garrick just cannot be Zoom
As Flashes go, he was the first
To make him bad would be the worst
The writers have a lot of nerve
I hope this story is a swerve
Barry Allen might be the best
While others favor Wally West
This might seem a bit hysteric
I’ll quit Flash if Zoom is Garrick


#2 beats ROY G BIV

In dankest night, in shit’s domain
No nostril can avoid my pain
If you can’t flush me down the drain
I’ll leave my mark – Brown Lantern’s Stain!


SD I want to be in you

Comic-Con – I want to go
Comic-Con – it’s such a show
Pop culture and comic geeks
Haven’t changed their clothes in weeks
Cosplayers dressed to the nines
Hours spent waiting in lines
Rumors aren’t in short supply
Find out first who’s next to die
Hard to find a place to crash
Hope you brought a ton of cash
Comic-Con – it isn’t fair
Comic-Con – I can’t be there


Holy stupid limerick

There once was a hero named Batman
His enemy Penguin’s a fat man
The rotund bad guy
Tried stealing a pie
But the Dark Knight prevented that plan


Holy Geritol Batman

Here’s something that ain’t no jive
Batman is seventy-five
Gordon’s been flashing the sign
Going back to ’39
The World’s Greatest Detective
Has been pretty effective
Diminishing Gotham’s crime
Even though from time to time
A two-bit hood like Two-Face
Makes Bats look like a disgrace
Then Robin will stop the gang
By throwing his batarang
Batman’s Bruce and Robin’ Dick
Make this duo dynamic


Like sex for me in 80’s

There was a man named Professor X
His students could move and blast objects
Slide around on ice
Use claws that could slice
Watching X-Men is as good as sex


Good grub great guys

It is National Chili Day
So spend it in a special way
My favorite place to go is Tom’s
They put hair on your chest and palms
They serve iced tea from a bottle
And talk comics with a model
Don’t be scared ’cause their skin is brown
Tom’s Take-out is the best in town


Gadot is no Carter

“Wonder Woman is too skinny
Though she looks good in a mini”
Fanboys are antagonistic
They are never realistic
They’re as fun as a root canal
But they hope Zack picked the right Gal


Damn you Marvel Studios!

Speculation is now gone
James Spader will play Ultron
In comics he’s built by Pym
But the movie won’t have him
So there goes my costume plan
I cannot go as Ant-Man


Supes is fab!

There once was a baby from Krypton
Who grew up and was know for his brawn
He and Lex Luthor
Were always at war
Over who looked the best in chiffon


Jersey Girl wasn’t that bad

Never known for having priorities straight
Comic book geeks are unreasonably irate
Keeping in mind we dropped the bomb on Japan
The worst thing ever is Affleck as Batman
It’s hard to argue when the heads aren’t level
“He sucked in Gigli. He sucked as Daredevil”
Is it really his fault that those movies failed?
“Yes! Get a cross and make sure his hands are nailed!”
He’s no Brando, but I liked him in “Mallrats”
So, throw down the pitchforks and let go the bats
Your quarrel is as moot as this is bizarre
Peter Dinklage Hula Hooped at a gay bar

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