Black like my soul

It’s time to turn the ledgers black
Just buy that bullshit on the rack
Spend money at your favorite store
Shop till it hurts, then shop some more


The Native American Dream

Having Thanksgiving
With Native Americans
At their casino


Sorry about the mess

The shower is the place to be
If you are nude and need to pee
Another thing that you can do
Is wash your hair while making poo
You probably think that I am sick
To go and do this dirty trick
I’m not a freak, I do declare
It’s why there is a drain in there


Let’s retain the victory bell-y

In Westwood a Bruin named Kelley
Has rushing skills that make you jelly
When he gets the ball
It will show to all
That u$c trojans are smelly


Blue >>> Cardinal

The victory bell
Has been blue since last year’s win
Let’s keep it that way


I love UCLA

I hate $c, I really do
I hate $c, they smell like poo
I hate $c, they light my fuse
I hate $c, I hope they lose


What were they like before?!?

There was an old fishwife named Molly
Who helped a blue genie dodge folly
When given a wish
“I want these damn fish
To smell like my pussy by golly!”


It also came early

I heard there was some snow nearby
At least one flake fell from the sky
I wipe some moisture from my eye
“It’s time for fruitcake and mince pie!
The tree and lights are standing by!
I’ll get mom shoes and dad a tie!
Let’s take some pix with that fat guy!
IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME!” – my battle cry


A cake made out of babies

Playful nicknames is a duty
How ’bout babycakes or cutie?
Is he charming? Is he funny?
Maybe call him honey bunny
Does she shine with every fiber?
Sweetie pea might best describe her
If their presence makes you sizzle
They might be your swizzle pizzle
If you’ve found the perfect crony
Be sincere and don’t be phony
It’s alright if it is corny
Or a name that make them horny
If they are your dearest dandle
Find for them a heartfelt handle
If it’s thoughtful and not solemn
It won’t matter what you call ’em


Kept her busy

This lass took her lad, and she showed him
To my doctor friend, and I quote him
“This guy in Tralee
Has not two but three!
That’s why he’s known as Frankenscrotum”


Miss Jean

Every day there’s pain and sorrow
It will still be there tomorrow
Though I know her love and laughter
Will be there forever after


Insomnia is my biggest vice

I forgot to go to bed
Bees are buzzing in my head
Skipping sleep sure is not wise
I’ll just sit and close my eyeszzzzzzzzzz…


This is how Frankenstein started

Outside it rains as hard as fuck
Inside the house all day I’m stuck
My cabin fever runs amok
Dreary November sure does suck

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