220810

220810
Cold pints will have to do

It’s hot this August night
To me, it’s a delight
The Irish think it’s not
To them it’s too damn hot
They’re sweating in this heat
And melting in the street
There’s nowhere they can be
The pubs don’t have AC!

220803

220803
Pink man cave

I’ve gone and changed my upstairs room
To start, I cleaned it with a broom
I picked up rubbish from the ground
Then moved the furniture around
It has a TV and loveseat
The LEGO wall looks pretty neat
I put my desk and laptop there
It also has a rolling chair
The clincher is a spinning bike
And I can ride it when I like
Work, exercise, play, watch and rest
My office/man cave is the best

220801

220801
16 + 5 = forever

I miss you James, I miss you Jean
Though pain of loss is truly mean
Unending love is stronger yet
Because of that, I can’t forget
My brother James and lovely wife
They showed me how to embrace life
Their kindness, joy and laughter too
I’ll always miss the both of you

220729

220729
The long and winding road

I thought it would last forever
But then came the worst day ever
That happened five years ago now
And I’ve made it this far somehow
Since life’s a trip and not a race
I took my stuff to a new place
And I brought Linc and Brownie too
As time has passed, I’m not so blue
I’m sometimes red and sometimes green
The colors change, know what I mean?
There are more ups and fewer downs
I’m mostly better than this sounds
But days like this can hurt the most
And good humor becomes morose
I still think that love was cheated
My forever’s not completed

220727

220727
What would you do for a Choco Taco?

Pour one out for Choco Taco
You can’t get one in Morocco
They’ve been canceled in Samoa
You can’t get one any more
They’re gone in Texas and New York
They can’t be found in County Cork
Choco Taco fans are grieving
For these treats they’re not receiving

220725

220725
Love and thunder

I took a chance with a blind date
And she did too, what freaky fate
We had our fun and loved a lot
But then she passed, I was distraught
I do not pray, but I have hope
That someone else will want this dope
Love’s lighting bolts – can they strike twice?
I think they will, I’ve been real nice

220720

220720
Schrödinger’s Linc

Little Linc, Little Linc
He’s the best cat, don’t you think?
Little Linc, Little Linc
Fur is black and tongue is pink
Little Linc, Little Linc
Sleeping near the kitchen sink
Little Linc, Little Linc
Into my room, he does slink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He gives me an evil wink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He will claw me if I blink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He’s the reason that I drink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He might kill me, don’t you think?

220713

220713
M-O-O-N spells super

The moon is full, and so am I
The moon is round like apple pie
The moon tonight is extra bright
It guides us with it’s lunar light
It’s super ’cause it’s fairly near
The moon does this three times a year
The moon is shining in the sky
The moon is high, and so am I

220711

220711
Faceless tent people

I don’t like faceless people
Looking out at me
I don’t like faceless people
What do they think they see?
Who are the faceless people
Sleeping in those tents?
Who are those faceless people?!?
My fear is now intense!
I dream of faceless people
Sleeping next to me
I dream of faceless people
Who do they want to be?
Embrace the faceless people
They’re my cup of tea
I’ve joined the faceless people
They’re just like you and me

220706

220706
It’s All-Ireland time

It’s time to plan our match watching bash
It’s time to see the clash of the ash
It’s time to hang the amber and black
It’s time for cats to get Liam back

220704

220704
Happy treason day

In the US, all good things are gone
I loved it all my life
But I moved to start again
To get away from hate and strife
I thank my lucky stars
To be living here today
‘Cause this flag still stands for freedom
And they can’t take that away
And I’m proud to be an Irishman
Where at least I know I’m free
And I won’t forget the Jizztrumpet
He fucked my old country
And I’d gladly stand up at the bar
And get asked, “Are you okay?”
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt
That christians have
Ruined the USA

220629

220629
He isn’t anymore

I’m the fucking President
Take me to the Capitol now
I’m the fucking President
I know I won the vote somehow
I’m the fucking President
They may have guns but won’t shoot me
I’m the fucking President
I stacked the courts so I’ll stay free!

220627

220627
Lavatory lamentation

On a bus for transportation
Corcaigh is my destination
Traffic means a hesitation
Causing much exasperation
I would like to bring cessation
To my need for urination
With a sense of desperation
To the jacks with trepidation
Odor is a foul sensation
I hold on for concentration
Need to get some relaxation
Waiting for piss termination
Pull my pants up with elation
Back to seat for the duration
Silently in celebration
Waiting for the final station

220622

220622
Above and below

I rolled the die under a chair
I need to get it out of there
But in the floor, there is a hole
To get it now, I’ll need a pole
But I have none, I want to cry
I’ll never get that missing die
But that’s ok, I do have more
And most are not below the floor

220620

220620
Once a year

A day before the yanks agree
It’s summer from Muff to Tralee
The sun is hot, the sky is blue
The ice cream shop has quite a queue
It’s time for shorts and sunny smiles
On hilltops you can see for miles
The kind of day when Irish cheer
‘Cause summer comes one day a year

220617

220617
She has a very tight calendar

Mother’s day is March or May
Depending where you are
Then in June it’s Father’s day
Now isn’t that bizarre?
Calendars have men second
It’s usually reversed
It’s about time I reckon
That moms get to come first

220615

220615
All you can eat is not a challenge

I swiped right and went on a date
We ended up at her place
I thought that it was going great
Already was on first base
But dinner was a big buffet
I knew that this would spoil it
The gurgles started straight away
I had to use her toilet
To ghost someone is horrible
It really is a sin though
But that smell was deplorable
So I snuck out the window

220613

220613
Cardboard conundrum

Solving puzzles can be risky
When you’re drinking wine or whiskey
The small pieces will stop fitting
And in time you’ll end up quitting
Cardboard corners will start bending
And you’ll never see the ending
If it’s cab sav that you guzzle
Do not start a jigsaw puzzle

220610

220610
Slip of the tongue

I learned this when I was young
And since then I’ve fairly flung
If like me you are well tongue
Doesn’t matter how you’re hung

220608

220608
Ms. Marvel

The superhero show is on
It’s all about Kamala Khan
The haters say they could care less
But real fans think it’s marvelous

220606

220606
Lately things they don’t seem the same

I’ve been in a haze
For four or five days
It’s been since the first
And just gotten worse
I’ve been close to tears
For four or five years
My eyes are a fount
When birthdays don’t count

220530

220530
Got a ticket to my destination

My visit was fun
But now it is done
I had a great time
But not a long time
I’ll be back again
But I don’t know when

220525

220525
Another day – another shooting

I’m tired of your thoughts and prayers
It doesn’t seem like your god cares
They’ll argue until nothing’s done
So fuck your rights and fuck your guns

220523

220523
Had to get away

It’s fun to be on holiday
It’s fun to rest and get away
It’s fun to frolic in the sun
I recommend for everyone

220516

220516
No sawing or dropping logs

I cannot sleep while on a plane
The lack of napping is a pain
Another thing I cannot do
No matter what I cannot poo
So when I land, and have the chance
I get to do my doo doo dance
Then throw my clothes into a heap
Climb into bed and fall asleep

220513

220513
I’m going back to Cali

I’m going back, but I’m not going home
I’m gonna see mom, dad, Tom and Jerome
I’m gonna go back to where I’m the Pope
I’m gonna eat tacos and smoke some dope
I’m not going home, but I’m going back
I’m gonna see friends like a maniac
I’m gonna play games and walk in the sun
And then I’ll go home when all of that’s done

220511

220511
To be the man, you got to drive the van!

Last night I drove a campervan
I drove it from Kildare
I drove it like the Macho Man
I drove it like Ric Flair
I drove the camper for a friend
I drove it to their pad
I’ll drive the campervan again
Or else I will be sad

220509

220509
Fist of Khonshu

I think I may, I think I might
Tell you about Marvel’s Moon Knight
A hero since the seventies
With multiple identities
Marc Spector is a hired merc
He’s not that nice, kind of a jerk
And Steven Grant’s another side
That’s who came out when Marc would hide
They died, and this might sound bizarre
Returned as Khonshu’s avatar
They vanquish villains by moonlight
The crime fighter known as Moon Knight!

220502

220502
A trip to Mahon Falls

I traveled on a magic road
To see the falls that freely flowed
Partaking in the vivid views
Considering which path to choose
I could go back the normal way
But I could do that any day
I feel I’ve hit the motherload
So I’ll stay on this magic road

220425

220425
They’ll drool on you

My two nuts just hang around
One is black, and one is brown
Most days they’re in lazy mode
When excited, they’ll explode
My two nuts just love the craic
One is brown, and one is black
They don’t care who strokes their bum
They will stay but like to come
My two nuts have so much hair
And they leave it everywhere
If you wear a sexy dress
They will make an awful mess
My two nuts are pretty swell
Though sometimes they really smell
I will scrub them clean and neat
Till they’re good enough to eat
My two nuts are quite a pair
Pleasing babes with savoir-faire
In their hostile habitat
One’s a dog, and one’s a cat

220418

220418
Not welcome in Woodstock

By the time we got to Woodstock
I just had to make a wee
And everywhere was a tree
For my urination
And then I saw the Brownie Bear
Squatting next to three small guys
Turning laughter into cries
By his defecation
We were busted, we were scolded
So we had to beg for our pardon
And we’re not allowed to go
Back to the garden