Happy not a ghost day!

It’s time to rhyme your birthday post
I think you’ll like this one the most
The reason I can make this boast
Is ’cause I am not yet a ghost
Since you are I are both still here
I wish you happiness and cheer
So have a drink of wine or beer
And I’ll be back this time next year


Sean-Con 2019

They say you can’t go home again
But I went back and met a friend
A second friend! A third! A fourth!
So many friends I have up north
We played some games and ate good food
Which put me in a happy mood
I had some wine they drank some beer
Can’t wait to do again next year


Tomorrow let’s all meet again

Party weekend at Ryan’s bar
Let’s celebrate Arthur the star
Been serving drinks for fifteen years
Whole lotta bands – whole lotta beers
Music in front – garden in back
No matter where – there’s always craic
Fiddle, guitar, bodhrán and bass
Looking for fun? This is the place!


Every word is insincere

Lifetime judge his dream career
And he really likes his beer
He’s unhinged that is quite clear
She has lived a life of fear
Jizztrumpet will taunt and jeer
Rabid fans did clap and cheer
When will this all disappear?
Hope he chokes on his next beer


Get that man a beer!

There once was a drunkard named Charlie
A fan of the hops and the barley
If he didn’t get
His foam filter wet
He’d end up bad tempered and snarly


He kept it well stocked with grape jelly

There was an old drunkard named Kelly
Whose clothes were so soiled they were smelly
In his dressing gown
To stay sitting down
He put his fridge under the telly


Happy fucking Fourth of July

On this sad 4th of July
The Jizztrumpet makes me cry
He shows allies no respect
World wide image is now wrecked
Presidential he is not
Melting down our melting pot
Every tweet’s a dis or brag
It’s like shitting on the flag
Though we beg, urge and beseech
GOP will not impeach
While you eat your barbecue
The POTUS is fucking you


Think before you drink

From Las Vegas to Lima, Ohio
Gringos celebrate Cinco de Mayo
They’ll drink más Coronas and Dos Equis
And power down nachos with gloppy cheese
Bros revel in their appropriation
Hailing a wall that block immigration
Of course the irony does not stop there
Back in Mexico they simply don’t care


I’m a leprechaun artist

St. Paddy’s day – you can’t escape
Just two more days to get in shape
You’ll eat and drink till you’re a sphere
But please don’t drink green, fucking beer


Make beer, not war

If you like beer and board games too
Then you should Kickstart Dragon Brew
You choose your favorite mythic race
Then draft some cards and worker place
It’s fun to play and not a chore
So back it to “Make Beer, Not War!”


Green beer is for sasanaigh

Put on your green, and raise your beer
At last, St. Patrick’s Day is here!
I’ll speak about the Emerald Isle
And you might end up with a smile
Pull up a chair, and sit right down
We love the craic and hate the crown
We like our food boiled in a pot
Cabbage is good, corned beef is not
Only three leaves on a shamrock
The trunk’s a boot; a lake’s a lough
Jumpers are worn when it’s fierce cold
It’s always fierce the truth be told
The coffee might contain Baileys
To warm you up before céilís
Of course you know, we love our beer
But if it’s green, get out of here!


Green beer no – green shake yes

Now that February’s gone
March is here and marching on
Highlight is St. Paddy’s Day
Shamrock shake and fish filet
Make sure to avoid green beer
Won’t be long till April’s here


There’s no war on Christmas

Excessive fuss for a red cup
Those noisemakers should just shut up
When it’s a solo filled with beer
There are no gripes ’bout Christmas cheer
They whine and moan; it’s so misplaced
That energy is such a waste
They worry ’bout coffee that’s spiced
When they don’t ever act like Christ


We are the mighty coyotes

Tomorrow will be 30 years
Since last I saw my high school friends
We’ll have some laughs and drink some beers
I hope the party never ends


Hot holiday haiku

Groundhog Day Part II
Memorial Day Weekend
No more weeks of Spring


Still time to be resolute

The lights are gone, the tree is down
Can’t spend the day in a nightgown
It’s back to the same old routine
Unless you’re a king or a queen
It’s back to work or back to school
No more time to act like a fool
Get off the couch, put down the beer
Let’s exercise in the new year!


Let’s do better in 2015!

The year comes to its fated end
A good night to spend with a friend
As you plan your resolution
Consider your contribution
Stop drinking beer, and cut your hair
Lose twenty pounds, I just don’t care
Those goals are nice but selfish too
Do something that’s not just for you
Share the planet, and save the bees
Pledge your money to cure disease
Eat local foods, and plant a tree
Don’t fight too much, try to agree
Make your city a better place
Do something for the human race
What will I do to save the Earth?
I’ll cover it with smiles and mirth
As we bid this year adieu
Do as I say, not as I do


Merry Christmas from sunny California

I gave myself a gift this year
I didn’t drink a keg of beer
I didn’t buy a box of games
I didn’t dance with dusky dames
I didn’t buy a brand new car
I didn’t travel to a star
I didn’t buy a motorbike
I gave myself a Christmas hike


Our wedding was so 5 years ago

More laughter than tears
More courage than fears
More vino than beers
More Macy’s than Sears
More Seinfeld than Cheers
We’ve made it five years!


Don’t strain yourself

I think there’s Ebola
On your Coca-Cola
Media lives off fear
Joe Six-Pack drinks a beer
Put down that Ricola
It might have Ebola
Media slavery
Does not want bravery
I’m sure there’s Ebola
On raisin granola
They want you to be scared
Nobody will be spared
Flint to Pensacola
We all have Ebola


Paddy O’Downer

It happens every year
Wannabes drink green beer
Eat cabbage and corned beefs
Think shamrocks have four leafs
I don’t want to be mean
But simply wearing green
And acting childish
Doesn’t make you Irish


Spring can’t come soon enough

Drink your wine and drown in your beer
Game of Thrones is done for the year
Hard to top what happened last week
But Ramsay tries by taunting “Reek”
Tywin and son have a good talk
Balon Greyjoy gets a used cock
Yara sails for the Narrow Sea
Jaime reunites with Cersei
Lord Varys does not impress Shae
Davos helps Gendry get away
Stannis may fight beyond the wall
Dragon Girl is mother to all
Most think that Sansa is last Stark
Arya’s bite is worse than Hound’s bark
Ygritte with her bow and arrow
Points out “You know nothing Jon Snow”
Sam and Gilly find secret door
Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor


Hump day Howard

Lisa and Ronnie finally kiss
Ronnie doesn’t think squirting is piss
Too much Mambo will make Lisa sick
You can play piano with your dick
Maria Menounos won’t pour beer
So Kevin puts it in Richard’s rear
The things you learn that you didn’t know
All today on the Howard Stern show


Central Coast FTW!

Sunday drive isn’t a hassle
We saw zebras at Hearst Castle
Elephant seals on the shoreline
Dad tasted beer while we had wine
Filet mignon and garlic toast
Mother’s Day on the Central Coast


Perhaps too silly

Writing while drunk is an art
Something something something fart
This one’s sure to be a hit
Something something something shit
Schlitz and grits and shits and tits
Makes it hard to use your wits


Monday funday

Our St. Pat’s party was great
Bubbles blowing in the sun
Can’t count the bangers I ate
Playing Rock Band was so fun
Ciders and beers, we drank a bunch
Then the day turned into night
Next day’s text – “come home for lunch”
What an afternoon delight!


Least interesting man in the world

There is a man from Argentina
Who rules in the papal arena
He reads from Jonah
And sips Corona
Known as la cerveza mas fina

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