A king’s scepter has a knob on the end

There once was a princess named Annie
Who married a king known as Manny
She ruled the demesne
The bedroom his reign
His scepter would dictate her fanny


Go blow your trumpet

Hey imbecile – now here’s the thing
You’re Putin’s pawn – you’re not a king
With Israel you failed the quiz
You can’t be more than king of jizz


Spoilers in 5-7-5

Winterfell fallen
Murder Girl killed Zombie King
Undead now deader



Young Ferdiad was kind of sullen
He had to fight his friend Cú Chulainn
Queen Medb slyly lied
Poor Ferdiad died
His body Cú Chulainn was cullin’


She’s a dancing machine

I really love my sweetie Jean
From one to ten, she’s a fifteen
She’s super smart, her wit is keen
She makes the hard work seem routine
She’s a great cook, such fine cuisine
She perks me up more than caffeine
She’s always nice and never mean
I’m not a king, but she’s my queen


“We miss you” “I know”

There once was a princess named Carrie
Whom every boy wanted to marry
In moonlight angled
Her own bra strangled
‘Cause this year is our adversary


Your meat needs three stripes

I’m so mad I wrote this letter
Burger King you should know better
I just ate a Whopperrito
Whopper crossed with a burrito
Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce
This creation does upset us
Please forget these loathsome mergers
You should stick to grilling burgers


‪#‎Brexit‬? how ’bout ‪#‎FuxItUp‬!

EU is a bloody mess
Like a Donald Trump U.S.
Merry England wants to leave
Chaos is all they achieve
Scotland voted to remain
And Gibraltar next to Spain
Ulster said it wants to stay
Now they may unite some day
UK’s money loses ground
Peso’s worth more than the pound
Misinformed and racist Brits
Put their county in the shits
Now the home of Mr. Bean
Can’t be saved by king or queen


‪#‎PlayMoreGames‬ ‪#‎InternationalTabletopDay‬

Tabletop day is Saturday
Break out the games, and let’s all play
Tell Cliff that you have wood for sheep
Nick gains money during upkeep
With purple trains, Jon makes the route
Gregg’s a Cylon, there is no doubt
Tom’s in Essen to find a cure
Luke has the King, I know for sure
If none of this makes any sense
Go play a game, they’re so intense
Maybe you’ll win or make a friend
You’ll find the fun will never end


Why is GoT so rapey?

I’ll still watch you Game of Thrones
Though you chill me to my bones
Biggest question with this show
Why do you hate women so?
Sand snakes aren’t as good as guys
They should fight someone their size
Arya beaten with a rod
Queen is jailed by the god squad
She can’t even help her bro
‘Cause they say he’s a big ‘mo
Poor Sansa should have escaped
Not all women should be raped


Still time to be resolute

The lights are gone, the tree is down
Can’t spend the day in a nightgown
It’s back to the same old routine
Unless you’re a king or a queen
It’s back to work or back to school
No more time to act like a fool
Get off the couch, put down the beer
Let’s exercise in the new year!


Robot cowboy princes

Every day is game day
‘Cause gamers want to play
Shuffling cards, rolling dice
Pushing pawns, moving mice
From farming to sci fi
No theme in short supply
Zombie ninja wizards
Fighting pirate lizards
Horror to fantasy
It beats watching TV


Apologies to Night Ranger

Sister Cersei – oh, Jaime has come
Then he pushes Bran, and that is dumb
Foul play, no way
Then King Robert tries to fight a boar
But he loses, and that starts a war
Bran flew, ’cause you

They’re Hodoring
Three-eyed crow in flight
As Summer he will bite
The walkers are all white

Bran, you know Hodor is walking fast
Going north you find the wall at last
Robb slay by Frey
Sister Cersei – Joffrey’s much too mean
You don’t care because you’re still the queen
You preen, obscene, yeah

Bran’s on your back upright
Jojen’s got the greensight
And Hodor is your might
Three-eyed crow in flight
As Summer he will bite
The walkers are all white

Sister Cersei – now Joffrey is dead
That drives Margaery to Tommen’s bed
Kismet, you bet

But they’re Hodoring
Yeah, Hodoring!


Don’t mock the imp at your own wedding

There once was a boy in King’s Landing
Whose wife was better at glad handing
On their wedding day
There was some foul play
Which most viewers thought was outstanding


Poor Poe

Annabel Lee
By Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
I and my Annabel Lee—
With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we—
Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above
Nor the demons down under the sea
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea—
In her tomb by the sounding sea.


The princess kissing would make me horny too!

Hey, Mr. Horned Toad
Get off of the road
Here comes a big van
To squish flatter than
A piece of paper
We’d need a scraper
To clean up the street
It wouldn’t be neat
Your wife would be sad
Her kids with no dad
So, Mr. Horned Toad
Get off of the road


Didn’t we fight a war to not care?

So, Kate and Willie popped out a boy
Women around the world jump for joy
From Buckingham Palace to Beijing
Such excitement for this future king
But for the moment, he’s just a prince
And all this chatter makes most men wince


God shave the king

I don’t really give a fuck
But we’ll soon have a King Chuck
Queen Liz is 87
And on her way to heaven
She’s number one by and large
But, she’s putting Charles in charge
He will travel in her place
And be “King” as a test case
Most Britons love QE2
And don’t want to bid adieu
Yet time catches up to all
While Charles waits for his call


I’m wearing me green jacket

The Fairies
by William Allingham

Up the airy mountain
Down the rushy glen,
We dare n’t go a-hunting,
For fear of little men;
Wee folk, good folk,
Trooping all together;
Green jacket, red cap,
And white owl’s feather.
Down along the rocky shore
Some make their home,
They live on crispy pancakes
Of yellow tide-foam;
Some in the reeds
Of the black mountain-lake,
With frogs for their watch-dogs,
All night awake.
High on the hill-top
The old King sits;
He is now so old and gray
He’s nigh lost his wits.
With a bridge of white mist
Columbkill he crosses,
On his stately journeys
From Slieveleague to Rosses;
Or going up with music,
On cold starry nights,
To sup with the Queen,
Of the gay Northern Lights.
They stole little Bridget
For seven years long;
When she came down again
Her friends were all gone.
They took her lightly back
Between the night and morrow;
They thought she was fast asleep,
But she was dead with sorrow.
They have kept her ever since
Deep within the lake,
On a bed of flag leaves,
Watching till she wake.
By the craggy hill-side,
Through the mosses bare,
They have planted thorn trees
For pleasure here and there.
Is any man so daring
As dig them up in spite?
He shall find the thornies set
In his bed at night.
Up the airy mountain
Down the rushy glen,
We dare n’t go a-hunting,
For fear of little men;
Wee folk, good folk,
Trooping all together;
Green jacket, red cap,
And white owl’s feather.

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