And don’t come back!

Goodbye to 2021
It has been real, but not real fun
Welcome to 2022
Will you be good, or stink like poo?


Boom! Bang! Whap! Doink!

There once was a head coach named Madden
His passing caused many to sadden
‘Cause year after year
The viewers would hear
His “Boom!” and then our hearts would gladden


Roll on omicron!

First 2020 came
And it was plenty lame
In 2021
Still 2020 won
Will 2022
Be 2020 too?
Can we be Covid free
By 2023?!?


Christmas with the cats

It’s time for joy and festive cheer
But things are different this year
I could not get back to the states
So now I’ll spend it with me mates
They’re wearing black and amber hats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats
It’s not the same and that’s ok
I’ll celebrate a brand new way
Just like LA it won’t be white
But over here, the weather’s shite
My parents send me online chats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats
I want to party till it’s late
But this year pubs will close at eight
No ugly sweaters on display
No pub crawls on St. Stephen’s Day
I blame the feckin’ bureaucrats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats
I have to bring a biscuit tin
Or else my friends won’t let me in
The wine is mulled, the pudding’s plum
The pies have mince, yeah that sounds dumb
The yummy sweets – the tasty fats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats


I can do this all day

So that was Hawkeye
Another show done
The season is over
When is the next one?
And so that was Hawkeye
I really had fun
The old nearly deaf one
Kate Bishop’s quite young
A very happy Marvel
An excelsior year
Can’t wait for the next one
It’s Moon Knight, I hear
It started with Wanda (-Hawkeye’s over-)
Then Bucky and Sam (-You should watch it-)
Now there’s more than one Loki (-Hawkeye’s over-)
Thor just said, “Goddamn!” (-Now-)
Black Widow and Shang-Chi (-Hawkeye’s over-)
What If…? had some fright (-You should watch it-)
Doc Ock and Green Goblin (-Hawkeye’s over-)
Three Spiders to fight (-Now-)
A very happy Marvel
An excelsior year
Except for Eternals
It’s bad, so I hear


Brighter days ahead

It’s winter solstice
The shortest day of the year
Sunlight is coming!


He kept his black heart in a freezer

There once was a nasty old geezer
A Scrooge by the name Ebenezer
He acted that way
Since it took all day
To find his small dick with a tweezer


Bacardi party

The office Christmas party fun
Was started with Bacardi rum
The punch was spiked, the bongs were lit
And HR didn’t give a shit
The mistletoe was hung with care
Above the boss’s derrière
The secretaries did burlesque
While interns banged upon a desk
The salesmen want to get ahead
But it’s too hard, that’s what she said
Then Santa came in through the rear
That’s when the party got in gear
While eating snacks and drinking beer
He punched an elf and shot eight deer
This should have ended his career
But he’ll be back same time next year


This stinks

Come on poo
I’ll wait for you
There’s not much else that I can do
Come on poo
I think you’re due
That’s why I push until I’m blue
Come on poo
I think we’re through
You’ll always be my number two


Now I’m a bereaver

There were four Monkees
Micky Dolenz is the last
Rest in Peace Michael


Even Alice loves Santa

Never wants to give a kid a lump of coal
Santa lives with reindeer up at the North Pole
With a little round belly that shakes like jelly
And a simple case of he’s a jolly ol’ soul
Old kids wonder if Santa’s just a dream
His role at Christmas is a bit extreme
But what do you expect from an elf who’s never seen?
And ho, ho, ho, you know what I mean
All the young kids love Santa
Jolly ol’ Saint Nick they say
Come down through the chimney
Dear Santa please bring me
Presents on this Christmas day
All the young kids love Santa
Jolly ol’ Saint Nick they say
If I give you my letter
Will you promise I’ll get more
Presents on this Christmas day?


Semen on a demon

There is a demon on a shelf
He wears the skin of Santa’s elf
He keeps an eye on girls and boys
To rob them of their Christmas toys
He tells their parents they’ve been bad
Because he loves when kids are sad
He tells such lies with hateful glee
So you’ll get nothing ‘neath the tree
No bikes to ride or games to play
And when he ruins Christmas Day
He hides behind the cups and delph
That demon can go fuck himself!


Oh my gourd!

A couple named Pumpkin and Peter
Were cold so they sat by the heater
Pete wanted a bite
But try as he might
She was so hard, he couldn’t eat her


I like pi

New variant is omicron
The seventh after epsilon
If this one doesn’t make me die
Maybe I’ll get a slice of pi

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