Super secret sauce

There once was a top chef named Davy
Who traveled the world with the Navy
This world renowned cook
Left out of his book
His method for making man gravy


Mope brings external

I will need some hocus-pocus
To regain external focus
It should clearly be worth nothing
Through each day I’m mostly floating
Walk the dog, and feed the kitty
Exercise to keep me pretty
Nothing else seems to be working
Thankfully sunshine is lurking


Sex, cats and robots

Love, Death and Robots
Part Black Mirror meets Hentai
Part Heavy Metal


Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Lee!

To every sir and madam
That know Lisa and Adam
The long waiting is all done
Today these two become one
Their love will be wholehearted
Let’s get this party started


Sharkey malarkey

There once was a fella named Fearghal
Who liked to go downtown to burgle
He once came across
Some white, lukewarm sauce
A mouthful he did swish and gurgle


Oíche mhaith

If you’re an Ulster dreamer
You’ll always dream of Eimear
Your mind will be a reelin’
If ever you meet Caoilfhoinn
You better have inertia
To try to woo a Saoirse
If you can say it rightly
You’ll get to see her nightly


Not that there’s anything wrong with that

There once was a father named Eamonn
Who got a big kick out of gay men
He liked how they’d play
With shirts off all day
Abú, hallelujah and amen!


Like a silk sheet

At the Paddy’s day parade
You will surely find Máiréad
Those that have both brains and brawn
Fascinate the fair Siobhán
To impress an Irish lass
Say their name as smooth as glass


Get the point?

Don’t mess with a woman named Niamh
They always keep knives up their sleeve
Don’t mess with a fella named Piaras
They carry sharp objects that pierce
Don’t mess with a woman named Medb
They might whack your head with a stave
Don’t mess with a fella named Aodh
They have been known to skin and flay
Don’t mess with the folks of the harp
They always have things that are sharp


There’s a Ruaidhrí in my curry

There once was a fella named Ruaidhrí
Who was legendarily furry
The hair on his back
Arms, legs and ball sack
Scared women away in a hurry


Owen is owin’ Eoghan

This is the legend of Eoghan
Others are comin’ and goin’
He has a side he ain’t showin’
Vast is the knowledge he’s knowin’
Dark is the shade he is throwin’
Loud is the horn he is blowin’
He doesn’t do his own crowin’
His tale is growin’ and growin’


Rhymes with skin trade

My leg hurt, and I needed shin-aid
I made an appointment with Sinéad
She is a pro at giving first aid
Her regimen helped make the pain fade


“Are you guilty?” “Neigh!”

There once was a fella named Niall
Who broke the law and was on trial
For shagging a horse
He argued of course
The horse said he was in denial

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