140131

140131
Broncos – 4
Seahawks – 20

The Seahawks and the Broncos
Former AFC West foes
From states where pot is allowed
The NFL must be proud
A THC Super Bowl
Where getting high is the goal

140129

140129
You cannot deny warming’s not a lie

The rain is a lie
Bright sun in the sky
It’s hot as July
The soil is bone dry
The farmers all cry
Their crops wilt and die
There is no supply
Of fresh food to buy
A tear’s in my eye
As life says good-bye

140127

140127
If I had one to sell

I would commit the perfect crime
In order to get more free time
There’s not enough time in the day
I have to work instead of play
When I was young, I had the time
But then I didn’t have a dime
Free time and money are the goal
To have them both, I’d sell my soul!

140125

140125
The title is in this hat

On my desk, there lays a cat
But he does not lay real flat
So he’s not a good place mat
It is hard to make him scat
Seldom does he want to chat
Yet he always wants a pat
If you don’t, he is a brat
He’s still cute, imagine that

140123

140123
Hold tight

There once was a singer named Bieber
Who worked teen girls into a fever
But then he got caught
Fast driving and pot
In jail he will be a receiver

140121

140121
I can’t trust a fart

If you fart and no one’s there
Should you really even care?
If it makes a nasty sound
Even though no one’s around
Do you say, “Excuse me sirs?”
What happens when that occurs?
If it waters up your eyes
How should you apologize?
Do you say, “I’m sorry ma’am”?
Does she even give a damn?
If I’m in an empty room
And I toot a smelly fume
I hope that the dog walks by
So that I can point and lie
It is certainly an art
To know when and where to fart

140119

140119
I just had a good time

I kinda lost track of time
But I was able to rhyme
It’s better late than never
When doing this forever

140117

140117
Just say nyet!

There are those that are gluten-free
But the world should be Putin-free
He’s as bad as Josef Stalin
Russia’s status is free-fallin’
They are hosting the winter games
While his speeches are fanning flames
His views are as thick as a brick
Vladimir Putin – you’re a dick!

140115

140115
Banksy even tagged our wall

Justin Bieber egged our house
Got TP’ed by Mickey Mouse
Left Eye tried to burn us down
Neighbors always wear a frown
Someone left a burning bag
Smelled so bad it made us gag
If our neighbors don’t improve
Think that we will have to move

140113

140113
Deja voodoo metz

Meeting Martin Sheen
At Gideon’s show
Means 2014
Won’t totally blow

140111

140111
Copied a copy-cat

Yesterday I posted a spoof
Of plagiarist Shia LaBeouf
Copying is not creative
And his work was replicative
This asshole has no discretion
He even stole his confession
He sky wrote and tweeted a pic
Thus making him Shia LaDick
So don’t worry, you can relax
There have been no recent attacks
My poems are not abating
I will never #stopcreating

140109

140109
And freaking zebras too!

From the smartest hawk to the dumbest quail
From the fastest fox to the slowest snail
From the harbor seal to the sly raccoon
From the humpback whale to the arctic loon
From the sea lion to the bold seagull
From the sea otter to the bald eagle
From the coyote to the grizzly bear
From the spotted owl to the snowshoe hare
From the pretty deer to the ugly boar
I enjoy wildlife and want to see more!

140107

140107
I’m experiencing disquietude

I truly need a break
I’ve had all I can take
Please send all of the stress
To a different address
My magnificent plan
To breathe deep as I can
If this plan doesn’t work
I’ll probably go berserk

140105

140105
Just like football clap-clap clap-clap-clap

In NCAA sports
The Bruins come to play
With balls of all sorts
Blue and gold rules LA
From the hills of Westwood
Over to the Rose Bowl
Even in $C’s hood
You can hear their bell toll
While the Bruins have flown
110 banners
$c Trojans condone
Douchebags and spray tanners

140103

140103
Light up that halo #AngelsWin

Halo around the sun
Halo around the sun
Means today will be fun
Halo around the moon
Halo around the moon
Means fun will happen soon
Halo around your head
Halo around your head
Means you’re probably dead

140101

140101
I’m back like a heart-attack

365 days done
And now a new year has begun
Each year we make a promise to
Become a better me and you
Here’s to doing our very best
To stave off cardiac arrest