200330

200330
Feel the city breakin’

My kitchen doubles as a pub
My bathroom a salon
My dining room’s a country club
That looks out on my lawn
My bedroom is an office now
My living room a gym
It barely matters anyhow
When everything’s so grim
I used to work from nine to five
To properly provide
But now I work to stay alive
By staying put inside

200327

200327
At first his throat was a bit sore-us

There once was a PM named Boris
Who wanted his borders less pourous
But then he got sick
From some random chick
Because he had licked her clitoris

200325

200325
Thanks yucata.de!

It’s weekly game night
But we can’t play face-to-face
So we play online

200323

200323
#TeamPope

I’m used to this as I live alone
I rarely shower or wear cologne
The dog don’t mind and neither the cat
They don’t complain or say that I’m fat
They don’t gossip or make me feel sad
The best teammates that I ever had

200320

200320
This limerick has been canceled

My plans for spring have been deleted
My TP supply is depleted
This Covid-19
Is foul and obscene
I can’t wait till it is defeated

200318

200318
We got this or else we’ll get that

I stay home to be complying
It ain’t great, but it beats dying
Keeping up my social distance
To continue this existence
Tons to do in isolation
Solo games and masturbation
Reading books and fighting sorrow
Wonder what I’ll do tomorrow…

200316

200316
No craic whatsoever

No pubs, no parades
The worst Paddy’s Day ever
Coronavirus

200313

200313
He’s going to Maam next

There once was a husband from Cavan
Who drove every weekend to Navan
His wife unaware
Of his love affair
With palindromes that he was havin’

200311

200311
Órfhlaith is Orla

Órfhlaith from Tralee
Has stolen mo chroí (my heart)
If we meet at dawn
She’ll be my leannán (lover)
I would rather be
Just having some spraoi (fun)
But with my heart gone
My hair has turned bán (white)

200309

200309
Tinder tips

Today I was contemplating
If I should share tips for dating
Do not buy whiskey for Clodagh
She only drinks diet soda
You should not argue with Áine
She’ll throw you down and sit on ya
Don’t lend your money to Bronagh
She will not pay back one Krona
Be careful if you bang Fiadh
She gave a “friend” gonorrhea
Hope this did not make you sleepy
Why does it hurt when I peepee?

200306

200306
Sorry Dexy

Poor old pangolin
Don’t eat him like a sloppy joe
Nor top him on your pizza dough
They have thick hide, don’t blame or slay them
It’s spread (from Wuhan)
And spread (to Milan)
Outbreaks here, there and wherever
COVID-19
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!
COVID-19, wash your hands (thoroughly)
If you’re coughing, do into your sleeve
We don’t possess, a means to address
Oh it’s dirty
Ah, COVID-19
COVID-19
Don’t bring it ’round here
No scanning at our airports yet
So staying inside’s our safest bet
They’ve hinted (No Paddy’s), um, say what? (No Paddy’s)
That won’t sit with us now laddie
We’ll go maddy!
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!

200304

200304
The oul’ sod is odd

The town of Athy
It sounds like a thigh
When walking in Laois
Please bring your dog’s leash
If ever in Naas
Get out of that place!
I hear that in Cobh
There might be a cove
The towns over here
Are spelled kind of queer

200302

200302
Or Máire either

This one lass named Caoimhe
Is kind of a diva
But nicer than Fómhar
Who’s just mean all over
The reason they’re vicious
Foul, vile and malicious
The names that they carry
Do not make them merry