0531

0531
Never mind I don’t care

I don’t know why I care when others don’t
I do what is needed when others won’t
I pick it up when others drop the ball
I want to bang my head against the wall
I should just let the chips fall where they may
What is in my head that makes me that way?

0530

0530
Grumpy Cat is so intense

Here’s some news that will make you squeal
Grumpy cat has a movie deal
Will it be a flop or a hit?
Honey Badger don’t give a shit

0529

0529
Hump day Howard

Lisa and Ronnie finally kiss
Ronnie doesn’t think squirting is piss
Too much Mambo will make Lisa sick
You can play piano with your dick
Maria Menounos won’t pour beer
So Kevin puts it in Richard’s rear
The things you learn that you didn’t know
All today on the Howard Stern show

0528

0528
Unlike is not fun like

I want someone’s head on a spike
‘Cause we’ve received our first “unlike”
Though I’m relieved that you’re still here
What made that person disappear?

0527

0527
Holiday haiku

Got to sleep in late
Spent the day with Sweetie Pea
Went to bed early

0526

0526
To those who served

Decoration Day
By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sleep, comrades, sleep and rest
On this Field of the Grounded Arms,
Where foes no more molest,
Nor sentry’s shot alarms!

Ye have slept on the ground before,
And started to your feet
At the cannon’s sudden roar,
Or the drum’s redoubling beat.

But in this camp of Death
No sound your slumber breaks;
Here is no fevered breath,
No wound that bleeds and aches.

All is repose and peace,
Untrampled lies the sod;
The shouts of battle cease,
It is the Truce of God!

Rest, comrades, rest and sleep!
The thoughts of men shall be
As sentinels to keep
Your rest from danger free.

Your silent tents of green
We deck with fragrant flowers;
Yours has the suffering been,
The memory shall be ours.

0525

0525
Didn’t blow a fuse

Left casino, we didn’t lose
We went looking to buy some shoes
There were many from which to choose
To get us to buy, some will schmooze
When all we really want is booze
No sales were made, they have the blues
Got in the car and set the cruise
We sped past the cows with their moos
The sunset had such pretty hues
Now we’re back home to take a snooze

0524

0524
Stones of fate

There is a game known as Stones of Fate
You can win tarot cards from your mate
By placing a stone
In a power zone
That looks like a sideways figure eight

0523

0523
Wander lust

Mark is this guy I know
To Europe he will go
He’s trying to raise dough
Via indiegogo
If your green you will show
You can get a photo

0522

0522
Troutstanding

A Trout named Michael
Hit for the cycle
A single, triple
Then a huge double
But he wasn’t done
He hit a home run
Four hits in five tries
With five RBIs
A difficult deed
Needing strength and speed
All Angel fans shout
Congrats to Mike Trout

0521

0521
This doc goes to 11

Doctor what where why how and when
This is Doctor Who eleven
There have been ten previous docs
Each one found in a police box
He’s a time and space explorer
Who helped solve the crimson horror
Fez on his head, tie in a bow
Cybermen are a frequent foe
But Dalleks are most iconic
The doc’s screwdriver is sonic
Nobody knows the doctor’s name
But he’s the coolest all the same

0520

0520
Cyber fools

Identity theft is a huge concern
Bad guys are hacking us at every turn
This problem can’t be solved by IT geeks
So we change our passwords every few weeks
If we can’t recall which symbol we used
We make a cheat sheet to not be confused
It’s so damn easy for a cyber punk
To look at that and take our cyber junk

0519

0519
Reminds me of a song

Fire and Ice
By Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

0518

0518
Horrific haiku

Horrors roam Arkham
Will Cthulhu awaken?
We quickly seal gates

0517

0517
But no barbecued iguana

Spanish language TV is hot
The women do not wear a lot
All the men are muy macho
As I watch, eating a nacho
I don’t understand what they say
But it makes for a nice workday

0516

0516
Heidi is mighty

There is a great woman named Heidi
Who works hard to keep her house tidy
Tutor and chauffeur
Midgets frighten her
Happy Birthday Heidi the mighty

0515

0515
Hillbilly hump day

I’m watching this show but don’t know why
Deep South Paranormal on SyFy
Redneck Ghostbusters stumbling around
Examining a burial mound
Difficult to take seriously
Hillbillies explaining EVP

0514

0514
Lose weight to look great

I ride a bike “uphill”
Jean walks on the treadmill
There’s less food on our plate
We’re trying to lose weight

0513

0513
Central Coast FTW!

Sunday drive isn’t a hassle
We saw zebras at Hearst Castle
Elephant seals on the shoreline
Dad tasted beer while we had wine
Filet mignon and garlic toast
Mother’s Day on the Central Coast

0512

0512
Happy Mother’s Day

M-O-T-H-E-R
By Howard Johnson

I’ve been around the world, you bet, but never went to school
Hard knocks are all I seem to get, perhaps I’ve been a fool;
But still, some educated folks, supposed to be so swell,
Would fail if they were called upon a simple word to spell.
Now if you’d like to put me to the test,
There’s one dear name that I can spell the best!

“M” is for the million things she gave me
“O” means only that she’s growing old
“T” is for the tears she shed to save me
“H” is for her heart of purest gold
“E” is for her eyes with love-light shining
“R” means right and right she’ll always be
Put them all together they spell MOTHER,

a word that means the world to me.

When I was but a baby, long before I learned to walk,
While lying in my cradle, I would try my best to talk;
It wasn’t long before I spoke and all the neighbors heard,
My folks were very proud of me for “Mother” was the word.
Although I’ll never lay a claim to fame,
I’m satisfied that I can spell the name:

“M” is for the mercy she possesses
“O” means that I owe her all I own
“T” is for her tender, sweet caresses
“H” is for her hands that made a home
“E” means ev’rything she’s done to help me
“R” means real and regular, you see
Put them all together they spell MOTHER,

a word that means the world to me.

0511

0511
Thanks for the visit!

From near and from far
Our friends are many
Two of the best are
Annette and Kenny
Sipping Chardonnay
Eating barbecue
Or watching a play
Is cool with you two

0510

0510
Not as fun as the game

Mouse searches for food
Peanut Butter in dark hole
Quickly the trap shuts

0509

0509
Fellas love to be limericked

There once was a fellow from Frisco
Who really got down at the disco
He wanted a treat
So he got some meat
And slathered that meat up with Crisco

0508

0508
All hail Bones!

Last night we played Star Trek Catan
We went where no starship had gone
It was fun, and I did enjoy
My win thanks to Dr. McCoy

0507

0507
God shave the king

I don’t really give a fuck
But we’ll soon have a King Chuck
Queen Liz is 87
And on her way to heaven
She’s number one by and large
But, she’s putting Charles in charge
He will travel in her place
And be “King” as a test case
Most Britons love QE2
And don’t want to bid adieu
Yet time catches up to all
While Charles waits for his call

0506

0506
Monday not funday

Something is going wrong at work
Is it an electronic quirk?
Or is it another mistake?
It’s unreal how many they make
Seemingly, once you get hired
It’s difficult to be fired

0505

0505
Soy bi-pedal

Legal Alien
by Pat Mora

Bi-lingual, Bi-cultural,
able to slip from “How’s life?”
to “Me’stan volviendo loca,”
able to sit in a paneled office
drafting memos in smooth English,
able to order in fluent Spanish
at a Mexican restaurant,
American but hyphenated,
viewed by Anglos as perhaps exotic,
perhaps inferior, definitely different,
viewed by Mexicans as alien,
(their eyes say, “You may speak
Spanish but you’re not like me”)
an American to Mexicans
a Mexican to Americans
a handy token
sliding back and forth
between the fringes of both worlds
by smiling
by masking the discomfort
of being pre-judged
Bi-laterally.

0504

0504
Utinni!

From Luke to Yoda to R2D2
To Han Solo – “May the 4th be with you!”
From A New Hope to Empire to Jedi
We know that Darth Vader is the bad guy
The prequels sucked from here to the Death Star
Anakin is a brat and fuck Jar Jar
Will VII through IX redeem the franchise?
They only sure thing is more merchandise

0503

0503
Hot? Haiku

Amazing outside
Enter air-conditioning
put on my jacket

0502

0502
Hey punk! Here’s your poem!

There once was a guy named Vitali
We met in High School back in Cali
Though he’s in PA
And I’m in CA
He’s still my friend, buddy and pally

0501

0501
To Medb and Fergus from Maine

Féile Na Bealtaine
Long ago I was in a
Group with the great Catherine Kay
I thought of her this May Day
We were Queen Medb Encampment
Much fun was had in her tent
We would sing, drink, laugh and rave
Cate was a passionate Medb
QME seems long ago
Much time since the last táin bó
Medb is gone and Fergus too
So we sadly sing Abu!