Thanks for everything 2013!

It’s 2014 eve
Today I will achieve
A feat you won’t believe
For every day this year
My poems caused a cheer
Or some to shed a tear
I used words in a rhyme
My drawings looked like slime
But finished every time
Next year’s resolution
My rhyme revolution
Will find distribution


Your emergency is not mine!

It’s never too late
To try and frustrate
Your indifference
Is making me tense
If nonsense persists
Your face meets my fists
Please listen next time
To prevent a crime


I hope 2014 is swell

Auld Lang Syne
By Robert Burns

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu’d the gowans fine;
But we’ve wandered mony a weary fit
Sin’ auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidled i’ the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin’ auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie’s a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll tak a right guid-willie waught

For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.


We do need some stinkin’ badgers

Jean saw a badger on our drive
Amazingly, he was alive
Too often critters are road kill
Observing wildlife is a thrill


I’ll always have your back

Don’t wait for a zombie apocalypse
When we’re invaded by alien ships
We might get blown away by asteroids
Or fight an army of evil androids
You never know how the world’s gonna end
But it won’t suck if you’re with your best friend


Gloves are 50% off too

Boxing day has nothing to do
With pugilists or people who
Punch your face or get into fights
It’s about presenting delights
To folks who need to get a break
We should all give more than we take


Did you get it?

Did you get a Barbie doll?
Did you get a basketball?
Did you get a brand new car?
Did you get a steel guitar?
Did you get that fun new game?
Did you get a picture frame?
Did you get a gold iPhone?
Did you get some sweet cologne?
Did you get the xbox one?
Did you get a BB gun?
Did you get a racing bike?
Did you get that thing you like?
Did you get a choo choo train?
Did you get a golden chain?
Did you get a chia pet?
Did you get a clarinet?
As we eat our Christmas spread
Think of those without a bed
There are folks that just want life
For their brother or their wife
There are kids out in the street
Looking for a scrap to eat
Is there something you can do
To help make these dreams come true?


Happy holidays haiku

On this Christmas Eve
We’re driving far to be close
Happy holidays!


It’s a Festivus miracle

December 23rd is Festivus
It’s a holiday for the rest of us
If diminished distractions are your goal
No tinsel on your aluminum pole
If disappointed, grievances can air
Tell them how you feel like you just don’t care
Meatloaf is the traditional dinner
The Feats of Strength need to have a winner
If no one pins the head of the household
Festivus continues for time untold


And to all a good night!

A Visit from St. Nicholas
By Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blixen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too—
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”


Reason to play coop

Playing the same game is repetitive
But I don’t like to be competitive
Remember, winning isn’t everything
But it’s certainly better than losing
I don’t want to be contradictory
I’d rather we all enjoy victory


House of hate haiku

Man sounds like a duck
Ducks are easily confused
Man builds dynasty


At least nobody was surprised

A rednecked hillbilly
From dynasty of ducks
Thinks butt sex is silly
And costs himself some bucks
“Jim Crow made blacks happy”
He said ignorantly
If he’s the clan’s pappy
How dumb is his family?


All that and a chili dog too

Tonight is our Christmas soiree
For the folks I work with all day
It’s over in Oceano
To see a variety show
With all the popcorn we can eat
This X-mas party won’t be beat


Smaug’s jealous of my wealth

By the time you read this
I’ll have won the jackpot
There’s no way I can miss
This isn’t a longshot
There’s no way I can lose
I’m counting my riches
I’m the next Howard Hughes
Half a billion bitches!


If Jesus were brown, and Santa was black
Megyn Kelly would have a heart attack

I’m dreaming of a brown Jesus
Just like the man from Bethlehem
Megyn Kelly thinks it’s needless
If he’s not white, she would condemn
I’m dreaming of a Black Santa
With every poem that I write
He’s bringing gifts to Atlanta
But Megyn thinks that isn’t right
May you get a gift from his sack
And may all your Santas be black


The Smaug affair and back again

The Road Goes Ever On
By J.R.R. Tolkien

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains of the moon.

Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.


I’m in tune
Right in tune

Friends played at a local cafe
Music on a Saturday night
Tunes were good, the tea was okay
The company was out of sight


I’m attacking the darkness

There once was a wizard named Ezren
Who never said “god bless” or “amen”
When magic was found
He would turn around
And explore each location again


12/12/09 Mr. & Mrs. Geraghty

It was four years ago
Beneath the neon glow
Of a near-freezing sign
We became yours and mine
Your friends joined my wolf pack
We have each other’s back
The best day of my life
When you became my wife
I’ll fix it whatever
I’ll follow wherever
I’ll do it whenever
I’ll love you forever


Wheaton’s Law @wilw

Here are some rules for a good life
When leaving the house, kiss your wife
Don’t put other’s down out of spite
Do what you can to stop a fight
When eating chips, don’t double dip
You should always leave a nice tip
Don’t cut in line or steal a space
Your life’s a journey not a race
Don’t ever call a girl a chick
Above all else – don’t be a dick


Who else could I be?

I don’t want to be
Like everybody
Not run-of-the-mill
Nor mentally ill
I want to be rare
Without any care
Upbeat and unique
Not lacking mystique
I want to be me
Except differently


Best one until next year

I don’t think I will ever see
A better looking Christmas tree
The ornaments that mean so much
Look at Tiny Tim with his crutch
And there’s Homer as Mr. Plow
And Spider-Man’s on the top bough
Santa’s there with a twinkling light
It’s perfect for this chilly night


I imagine he’s right

By John Lennon

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one


Pearl Harbor haiku

They attacked at dawn
Three hundred zeroes flying
Thousands of lives lost


Sorry can’t reach my pocket

Christmas time is here
Do you have the cheer?
And by cheer I meant
Please give your last cent
To the most greedy
Rather than needy


Stop clownin’ around

“Keep your burgers, keep your fries,
make our wages supersize”
Fast food workers want more pay
They use food stamps everyday
So the fry cooks strike and rant
But their bosses say they can’t
If they paid a living wage
It would end this Gilded Age


Gadot is no Carter

“Wonder Woman is too skinny
Though she looks good in a mini”
Fanboys are antagonistic
They are never realistic
They’re as fun as a root canal
But they hope Zack picked the right Gal


Death Valley days

“Don’t feed the animals”, they said
If you do they’ll soon be dead
But it was just a bit of bread
And so the coyote we fed


How will returns work?

Amazon.com may use drones
To deliver books and iphones
This Cyber Monday would be good
To test this in my neighborhood
I wonder what they could bring me
I’d start with a Joshua Tree
Then they’d bring a whiskey sour
To my house within an hour
I’d love to get a sloppy joe
In 45 minutes or so
These drones have possibilities
To those with disabilities
Will this power be used for good
Or will it be misunderstood?
Either way is okay with me
As long as shipping is still free


To the blue and to the gold

Hail to the hills of Westwood,
To the mighty sea below;
Hail to our Alma Mater,
She will conquer every foe.
For we’re loyal to the Southland,
Her honor we’ll uphold;
We’ll gladly give our hearts to thee,
To the Blue and to the Gold.

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