So don’t let her get near your penis

There once was a dental hygienist
Who had a hot body like Venus
But she had a smell
The ninth ring of hell
Her own holes were far from the cleanest


Hit it Max

That Garsa Fwip
Sharp as a whip
She used to strip
When it was hip
You best not flip
Or lose your grip
‘Cause in a blip
She’ll make you trip
With just one quip
You’ll be a drip
So bite your lip
‘Cause you got zip


Save the boobies

Some are pink, and some are brown
Some are flat, and some are round
Some are A, and some are C
Some are even Double D
Some will bounce, and some will sway
I can look at some all day
Some are young, and some are old
Some are cute, and some are bold
Some are fake, and some are real
Some provide a baby’s meal
Some are big, and some are small
I don’t care, I like them all


Teeny broad the naked barber of Main Street

There once was a lass from Youghal Harbour
Who grew up to work as a barber
She thought clothes were rude
So she cut hair nude
The nuns in town wanted to garb her


Mistress of the fabulous!

Elvira’s in the dark no more
She’s found a woman to adore
It’s not too late for new love or
To open up that closet door


Fucking Dumb Asses!

Says its OK
So get your fucking shot today!


Now that’s a hen party!

The ladies all love charming Bingo
And also his Pegasus Wingo
They give blushing brides
Wild pre-wedding rides
Together they lustfully sing-o


She took all the juice from the humpback

There once was a surfer named Lulu
Who rode big waves in Honolulu
She also rode Ken
Who hung more than ten
His longboard would make her go cuckoo


A wee bit of divil in her

A handsome young devil named Kevin
Took hundreds of women to heaven
When his dick got straight
It far surpassed eight
And went all the way to eleven


You put your right one in…

I’m watching a show about Loki
Some think he’s as tasty as gnocchi
They would take it out
And shake it about
In order to do Loki pokey


My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo

There once was a man from Toledo
Who had a voracious libido
If his tinder date
Was willing to mate
He’d sink her with his pink torpedo


Who converted whom?

There once was a Mormon on mission
Who learned he’d a unique condition
When he would convert
He then couldn’t squirt
Unless in the doggie position


The dream before Xmas

‘Twas a week before Christmas, and all over town
All the talk about COVID was bringing me down
I wanted to snuggle and spoon in a bed
With a winsome woman who loves giving head
And what do my wondering eyes should appear
But a sweet Irish lass to bring me good cheer
She sat on my lap, and she rubbed on my dick
If she kept that friction, I knew I’d come quick
I needed her badly – to unload my sack
So onto the mattress, and there she lay back
I kissed down below – I kissed on her belly
Her perky tits heaved and jiggled like jelly
A wink of her eye, and a roll ’round the bed
She drained Santa’s sack, and then left me for dead
I was to bring gifts to some kids up the road
But here with this lass I had dropped my whole load
As I left the temptress who looked out of sight
“Happy Christmas to me, I’ve had such a good night!”


Covid Claus

There once was a dude named Kris Kringle
Whose bags were so full they would jingle
Through front and back roads
He dropped many loads
He left behind gifts that would tingle


You never forget your first

I once had a girlfriend named Sandy
My memories still makes me randy
With lovely blonde hair
And boobs out to there
She tasted sweet like cotton candy


His semen created more seamen

A seafarer from Ballintubber
Encountered a buxom land lubber
But his one night stand
Got way out of hand
His blubber had ruptured the rubber


A king’s scepter has a knob on the end

There once was a princess named Annie
Who married a king known as Manny
She ruled the demesne
The bedroom his reign
His scepter would dictate her fanny


Yes, mistress!

There once was a mistress named Megan
She’d often leave wealthy men beggin’
She’d start with a tease
Then quick as you please
She’d bugger them good with a peggin’


5318008 on a calculator

There once was a woman named Helen
With each boob as big as a melon
Each night her two mitts
Were squeezing those tits
Exploring her globes like Magellan


Made you look

I make a thing that no one sees
It can’t be touched nor can you squeeze
I make this thing three times a week
I know you know of what I speak
This thing is made out of my brain
If I don’t rhyme, I’ll go insane
This thing I make I hope you care
And if you do, I hope you share


Scariest TV family

They sling a lot of mucky
They’re awful and they’re sucky
They’re altogether yucky
Jizztrumpet family
Dad’s skin could use some bleaching
His kids are good at leaching
I’m hoping for impeaching
Jizztrumpet family
Pelosi is a calling
The house of cards is falling
I hope to see them bawling
Jizztrumpet family


It’s beyond me…

They have a blow out
They just want to use the phone
But rose tints their world



There once was a Furter named Frank-N
Whose Rocky was built for his wankin’
But Janet designed
To blow Rocky’s mind
With touchin’ and thrillin’ and thankin’


I see you shiver with antici…

Now’s the time we talk of Rocky
Brad Majors was kind of cocky
Janet Weiss did not like getting
Into scenes that caused seat wetting
Dr. Frank liked looking pretty
Eddie sang a little ditty
Then he got a damn good whacking
Said the man whose neck was lacking
Dr. Scott rode in a buggy
Riff Raff was a balding druggie
And his spying sis Magenta
With Columbia would yenta
Lastly there was Frank’s creation
Who was built for fornication
More than just a midnight movie
Rocky Horror Show is groovy


730 Jean free days 💔

Two years ago I lost my wife
While others choose this day to weep
The end does not define her life
Her memory each day I keep


Ignoble warming

When it gets to -1
Go outside for icy fun
When it gets to -2
Ears and nose start turning blue
When it gets to -3
Snot freezes on my goatee
When it gets to -4
Milk and bread brawls at the store
When it gets to -5
That’s when snowmen come alive
When it gets to -6
Beat them back with burning sticks
-7, -8
Cold War isn’t going great
When it gets to -9
Frosty’s friends are looking fine
When it gets to -10
Build snow women for snowmen
Only way to win this war
Go inside and shut the door


It’s time for some Crosby and Bowie

There was a nice woman named Zoe
Who made men smile when it was snowy
The use of her hand
Was certainly grand
But she preferred giving a blowy


She liked to get women to plow her

There was a lass named for a flower
Who was full of sexual power
She conquered her men
Again and again
Wherever she went boys would cower


Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me

While I’m handing out the candy
Rocky Horror makes me randy
Sweets and treats for all the kiddies
As I stare at Janet’s titties


German dungeon porn

There once was a fräulein from Essen
Who wanted to teach men a lesson
She said she liked boys
And all of their toys
But as it turns out she was messin’


This happened out in the Canaries

There was a ship captain from Skerries
Naïve like a typical Aries
She asked him to show
To bramble he’d go
And rummage for his twig and berries

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