170531

170531
Sleep tight don’t let the covfefes bite

“Despite the constant
Negative press covfefe
I wrote a haiku”

170529

170529
Can’t wait for Volume 3!

There once was a raccoon named Rocket
His friend Groot could fit in his pocket
He’s covered in fur
But one thing’s for sure
His tail won’t be worn by a Crockett

170526

170526
Sad!

Jizztrumpet says Germans are bad
One of the worst was his own dad
This has to make most teutons mad
But does make him Putin’s comrade

170524

170524
I don’t know how long we can cope

The world has much love for this Pope
His sermons preach of lasting hope
But today, he walked a tightrope
By welcoming in a big dope
Jizztrumpet is a misanthrope
Repellent because of his grope
His pride is a slippery slope
When asked to smile Francis said, “NOPE!”

170522

170522
Apologies to John, Paul, George and Ringo

Melania told Jizztrumpet
I hate your orange tan
Then she told Jizztrumpet
Your stupid Muslim ban
Your tiny, wrinkled gland
Don’t want to hold your hand

170519

170519
It’s a piss poor day

Sitting, trying to excrete
Earwig on the toilet seat!
Makes me jump in a heartbeat
Frantically I cry and bleat
Then I dribble on my feet
Grotesque insect so petite
Grab it with a two-ply sheet
Wad it up all tight and neat
Flush it down so indiscreet
Victory is bittersweet

170517

170517
Obstruction of justice

Roses are red
Violets are blue
They’re coming for the Jizztrumpet
I’m so fucking happy

170515

170515
Essiac and soursop

Every night I make the tea
For my little Sweetie Pea
Hoping that this is the key
For her to be cancer free

170512

170512
Don’t drive angry

I tell you this, it is no lie
Drivers today want me to die
At least four times I’ve used my horn
The first two beeps were in the morn
Two near side-swipes on way to work
And then at lunch another jerk
He came at me from the wrong way
Then flipped me off to end the fray
That’s not enough, now here’s a truck
It’s backing up, *honk* what the fuck?!?
This bad driving has caused a shock
When I go home, I think I’ll walk

170510

170510
It’s only been 110 days!

Jizztrumpet is Nixonian
His orders are draconian
The consummate vulgarian
The Comey thing – contrarian
Constant attacks on media
Precipitates acedia
The US ain’t utopia
But let’s avoid dystopia

170508

170508
Liar, liar Jizztrumpet on fire

There once was a hero named Sally
She knew that Flynn was Russia’s pally
She gave evidence
That Flynn lied to Pence
Which might bring about Trump’s finale

170505

170505
Think before you drink

From Las Vegas to Lima, Ohio
Gringos celebrate Cinco de Mayo
They’ll drink más Coronas and Dos Equis
And power down nachos with gloppy cheese
Bros revel in their appropriation
Hailing a wall that block immigration
Of course the irony does not stop there
Back in Mexico they simply don’t care

170503

170503
#DarkTowerMovie

Dark Tower off in the distance
Without it there’s no existence
Gunslinger protects the tower
Man in Black has eldritch power
Jake Chambers mid-world explorer
Stephen King writes more than horror
Jean and I are constant readers
My excitement might exceed hers

170501

170501
Trump fans – dense means stupid

Jizztrumpet is fucking dense
Things he says do not make sense
Every day he fucks up more
“Why was there the civil war?”
His query is causing waves
Guess he forgot ’bout the slaves