Cemetery girls

Well werewolf girls are chic
I really dig their fuzzy hair
And the vampire girls with the way they neck
They’ll wipe your mind with just a stare
The witches and their daughters
Always make you scream all night
And the mummy girls with the way they hug
They tie their daddies up real tight
I wish they all could be cemetery
I wish they all could be cemetery
I wish they all could be cemetery girls


The asterisk PM

There once was a PM named Lizzie
Whose policies made people dizzy
She fucked up the pound
And got people down
Then quit in a bit of a tizzy


All you can eat is not a challenge

I swiped right and went on a date
We ended up at her place
I thought that it was going great
Already was on first base
But dinner was a big buffet
I knew that this would spoil it
The gurgles started straight away
I had to use her toilet
To ghost someone is horrible
It really is a sin though
But that smell was deplorable
So I snuck out the window


I even checked my butthole

I have a thing I cannot find
I think I’ve gone and lost my mind
There was a time I had it here
But it’s been gone at least a year
I’ve checked the closets and the drawers
I’ve checked the ceilings and the floors
My mind is not inside my head
Nor is it hiding ‘neath the bed
I’ve looked outside and under there
I just made you say underwear
I’ve searched around the potted plants
And in the pockets of my pants
My Irish friends just laughed I swear
‘Cause pants to them mean underwear
I really hope it’s just misplaced
A mind’s an awful thing to waste
But if it’s gone, I will be fine
As long as one thing’s always mine
I must keep it at any cost
My sense of humor can’t be lost


The brownest month

The leaves have fallen
And Brownie’s poo is steaming
Must be November


Zombie céilí

Everybody scream
Everybody yell
This is not a dream
It’s a scene from hell
Zombies are dancing at Copper Face Jacks
Not a single mask – not a single vax
Everybody dance
At the zombie rave
Crawling in a trance
From their fresh dug grave
Zombies are dining at Copper Face Jacks
They are eating fronts – they are eating backs
If you value life
Everybody run
Get yourself a knife
Get yourself a gun
Zombies are killing at Cooper Face Jacks
They’re hunting alone and roaming in packs


Fartin’ Jay Brownbear

He put a smell on you
From his behind
In fact the house now smells like poo
Oh god – I ain’t lyin’
Linc and I can’t stand it
We’re running away
You’re still stinky Brownie
The house reeks like a shit bouquet
He put a smell on you
From his behind


Mine and mine alone

You might know a bit about me
But a leaf is not the whole tree
I don’t need your analytics
I don’t need to hear from critics
I don’t want to hear your hot take
What do you know ’bout my heartache?
I decide when I am ready
When I’m ready to go steady


Concealed in Cork

Someone won the jackpot
Making me a crackpot
They won’t think it’s funny
That I have no money
Since I have no bounty
Better leave the county


It’s the same old meme since twenty-nineteen

Another year goes badly
Paddy’s sadly voided
And deniers, stoked the fires
Should have been avoided
And you see, that to me
They hate my family
With no masks, and false facts, they’re denying
With our masks and our jabs
And our jabs made in labs
Wash your hands, stay inside, we are crying!
COVID sucks, COVID sucks
When will this end, will it end?


Ted fled

To Cancún Ted chose to go Cruzin’
Which Texans did not find amusin’
While his poodle froze
He packed up his clothes
And showed how a loser does losin’


Chunder the wonder jockey

A dwarf was in a Dino race
You should have seen his smiling face
They started at a mighty pace
He fell behind but soon gave chase
Though his first time, he rode with grace
Beginners luck could be the case
That dwarf he rode just like an ace
And so he finished in first place!


It also came early

I heard there was some snow nearby
At least one flake fell from the sky
I wipe some moisture from my eye
“It’s time for fruitcake and mince pie!
The tree and lights are standing by!
I’ll get mom shoes and dad a tie!
Let’s take some pix with that fat guy!
IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME!” – my battle cry


Monica Zelensky

The bravest use of a whistle
Might see this asshole’s dismissal
Just like Bill Clinton years ago
The Jizztrumpet falls from a blow


There’s a Ruaidhrí in my curry

There once was a fella named Ruaidhrí
Who was legendarily furry
The hair on his back
Arms, legs and ball sack
Scared women away in a hurry


February won!

Today is February One
There is February sun
Start the February run
Let’s have February fun!


Last time he ran was for President

Into the school he would have run
He said he wouldn’t need a gun
Both cops and students he’s maligned
Jizztrumpet’s lost his fucking mind


Eejit is Irish for idiot

I’ve been known to say things stupid
I can be a fecking eejit
I am not weak, I know I’m strong
I say sorry when I am wrong


Louie, Louie you’re gonna cry

I once saw a man in Salinas
Who wouldn’t stop stroking his penis
Away I did race
He quickened his pace
And covered the distance between us


You’re my boo

Halloween is drawing near
Soon will be the time for fear
Through the thrift stores I do tear
Gotta find something to wear!



Hope your day is swell and happy
Better not be hell and crappy
If it’s more than you can handle
Burn an asshole with a candle


Obstruction of justice

Roses are red
Violets are blue
They’re coming for the Jizztrumpet
I’m so fucking happy


Like it’s never happened to you

If you can’t trust a fart
Be prepared for a shart
Give your ass cheeks a squeeze
Or find fudge in undies
To the bathroom you streak
To prevent a brown leak
You leap onto the bowl
And applaud your control

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