Happy Thanksgiving 2022

I’m thankful for family and friends
I’m thankful for family that are my friends
I’m thankful for friends that are my family
I’m thankful for living in Ireland
I’m thankful for living in Kilkenny
I’m thankful for living with Brownie, Linc and Jeanne
I’m thankful for 54 First Dates that didn’t work
I’m thankful for 1 First Date that did
I’m thankful for no more First Dates


55 First Dates at 55

Since I left the United States
I’ve been on 55 first dates
It’s been a crazy last four years
I’ve had some laughs and caused some tears
But something changed nine months ago
I’m not alone – I’m not solo
I’ve found a woman who’s first rate
I’m sure I’ve had my last first date


50 first dates at 50

When you get to 50
Dating ain’t so nifty
All this endless dating
Made me end up hating
The whole dating process
So I cut my losses
Now, instead of dating
I’m home masturbating


Love and thunder

I took a chance with a blind date
And she did too, what freaky fate
We had our fun and loved a lot
But then she passed, I was distraught
I do not pray, but I have hope
That someone else will want this dope
Love’s lighting bolts – can they strike twice?
I think they will, I’ve been real nice


All you can eat is not a challenge

I swiped right and went on a date
We ended up at her place
I thought that it was going great
Already was on first base
But dinner was a big buffet
I knew that this would spoil it
The gurgles started straight away
I had to use her toilet
To ghost someone is horrible
It really is a sin though
But that smell was deplorable
So I snuck out the window


They’ll drool on you

My two nuts just hang around
One is black, and one is brown
Most days they’re in lazy mode
When excited, they’ll explode
My two nuts just love the craic
One is brown, and one is black
They don’t care who strokes their bum
They will stay but like to come
My two nuts have so much hair
And they leave it everywhere
If you wear a sexy dress
They will make an awful mess
My two nuts are pretty swell
Though sometimes they really smell
I will scrub them clean and neat
Till they’re good enough to eat
My two nuts are quite a pair
Pleasing babes with savoir-faire
In their hostile habitat
One’s a dog, and one’s a cat


Knackered in Kilkenny

I went and joined Tinder and Bumble
So my self confidence could crumble
I thought I’d be a master dater
Instead I’m still a masturbater


That’s what he and she said

“What’s up?” says he
“Not much,” says she
The back and forth futility
“Let’s meet again.”
“Sure thing, say when.”
Until the end of time – amen


The days between

Five days of reflection
With intense affection
For my one and only
While I’m feeling lonely
Sunday was the first date
Thursday is the worst date
Sunday I romance her
Thursday – fucking cancer
Even though it’s four years
This week still brings more tears
Will it dwindle? Never
Sweetie Pea forever!


My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo

There once was a man from Toledo
Who had a voracious libido
If his tinder date
Was willing to mate
He’d sink her with his pink torpedo


Dating in Ireland

I wanted a ride, but she gave me a lift
I asked for a kiss, but she gave me the shift
I wanted a friend, but she said I’m her mate
She’s taking the piss, this is such a weird date


The last shall be first and the first last

Twelve years ago this week
I had the best first date
It wasn’t that unique
But man it turned out great
I don’t expect to meet
A clone of my soulmate
But it would sure be sweet
To have my last first date


Tinder tips

Today I was contemplating
If I should share tips for dating
Do not buy whiskey for Clodagh
She only drinks diet soda
You should not argue with Áine
She’ll throw you down and sit on ya
Don’t lend your money to Bronagh
She will not pay back one Krona
Be careful if you bang Fiadh
She gave a “friend” gonorrhea
Hope this did not make you sleepy
Why does it hurt when I peepee?


Thanks crazyblinddate.com

I remember well that summer night
When we first met from a dating site
Those eleven years have rambled on
Now I’m over here, and she is gone
Her absence is felt in every way
But I’m grateful for that fateful day
Although I still miss my Sweetie Pea
It’s not as dark as it used to be



When first we met on a crazy blind date
I did not know how lucky I would be
Our meeting was a lovely twist of fate
The perfect friend, you made me so happy
I love you as I never loved before
Since first we met for just a cup of tea
Each night I think about the vows we swore
I love you as I loved you
‘Cause you’re my sweet
‘Cause you’re my Sweetie Pea


And young lesbian love

I finished binge watching “Everything Sucks”
It was so 90’s, it had “Mighty Ducks”
My favorite part was watching Luke’s mom
Dating a white nerd she thought was the bomb


She cho-cho-chose me!

Friday night – a twist of fate
We met on a crazy date
She gave me a better life
I asked her to be my wife
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine
Nine short years went by too fast
Our true love was meant to last
My lover and my best friend
Cancer got her in the end
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine
I miss her all night and day
Feeling pain in every way
Sweetie Pea will always be
In my heart eternally
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine


Turn it Up!

Young girls kept him turned on
Cherry chapstick sure made him grin
Banned from malls across the south-land
Dating children’s bad once again and I think it’s a win
Well, I heard Mister Moore talk about her
Well, I heard ole Roy put her down
Well, I hope Roy Moore will remember
A southern man don’t need him around anyhow
Sweet home Alabama
Where the state is turning blue
Sweet home Alabama
Jones is coming home to you!


Next Friday is scarier than Jason

Friday night and I got money
So it’s date night with my honey
Head to Red Box then to take-out
Hoping that we get to make-out
But this Friday is a thirteen
And our nice night ended up mean
Movies and the food were sucky
So we didn’t get too lucky
While this evening seemed to be cursed
Next Friday will surely be worse


Dating tips from a master ex-dater

Plan out what you want to wear
Trim your nails and wash your hair
Tweeze the long hairs in your nose
Clean the fungus ‘tween your toes
Do this if you want to date
Or you’ll have to masturbate


She’s my Santa Maria Girl

Well I took a chance, on a dating site
On a Friday-I-ay-I-ay
And when she walked in, she was dynamite
On a summer day-I-ay-I-ay
She was lots of fun, such a pretty girl
And I felt right then, I would take a whirl
I can tell you friends, I knew what to do
I gave her a ring, she’s my sugar pooh


Drops mic

Sean writes and draws three times a week
He doesn’t have a good physique
He studied more than lifting weights
In High School he had zero dates
But still he has a gorgeous wife
Who’s happy with their way of life
His brains are better than his brawn
Sean is clever, so be like Sean


Here’s to 7×7 more!

Seven years ago we met
It’s a night I won’t forget
Whoda thunk that a blind date
Would turn out to be so great?
Funny, smart and you’re the bomb
Thanks crazyblinddate.com


Aw, it’s you. I never knew.

I met her at a coffee shop
I didn’t want the date to stop
So we went out to a movie
Then the date got pretty groovy
Out to a bar for drinks and dance
Could feel the starting of romance
I dropped her off and bid adieu
Then realized “that’s my place too!”


Two less lonely people

It was six years ago tonight
We met, and Jean was out of sight!
Set up on a crazy blind date
Neither knew that it would be great
She’s the kind of woman, you know
That you grab, and you don’t let go
The kind you can’t stop thinking of
Six years gone, and I’m still in love


Now on kickstarter!

The perfect game for a geek date
Is Cosmic Wombat’s Stones of Fate
Easy to play and quick to learn
Leaves time to flirt during your turn
There’s wands and swords and cups and coins
And artwork that might thrill your loins
It’s made by my friend Luke Laurie
And tests your skills and memory
To win a card, you place your stones
Then flip the card, and check the zones
If you play games with your soul mate
Then you should try the Stones of Fate


Presto! Face slap!

There once was a man from Modesto
Who wrote a dating manifesto
To get to third base
Go to a nice place
And buy her linguini with pesto



One day you’re not whole
Then you go on a blind date
Next day you’re complete


By kitty I mean…

There once was a girl with one titty
She was smart and funny and pretty
She had a blind date
And found her next mate
She liked him, and he liked her kitty

WP Twitter Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com