220323

220323
I feel fine

Late to the party
Two years after it began
I blame Paddy’s Day

220126

220126
Don’t peek, but this peak piques my interest

To me the numbers still seem bleak
But it looks like we’re past the peak
I still will mask and wash my hands
But now I’ll go to see live bands

220119

220119
Full moon fever

Full moon way up high
Full moon lights the sky
Full moon bright as day
Full moon guide the way

211227

211227
Roll on omicron!

First 2020 came
And it was plenty lame
In 2021
Still 2020 won
Will 2022
Be 2020 too?
Can we be Covid free
By 2023?!?

211201

211201
I like pi

New variant is omicron
The seventh after epsilon
If this one doesn’t make me die
Maybe I’ll get a slice of pi

210910

210910
Straight from the horse’s ass

There once was a man from Tacoma
Who unleashed a deadly aroma
He took the horse pill
Which made his butt ill
And put the whole town in a coma

210531

210531
Did you notice?

If there is no poetry
Will they even notice?
If there are no posts from me
Will they even notice?
If no games or LEGO bricks
Will they even notice?
If no left wing politics
Will they even notice?
If no Linc or Brownie Bear
Will they even notice?
If no pix of COVID hair
Will they even notice?
If I shave off my goatee
Will they even notice?
Will I write this poetry
Just so you will notice?

210405

210405
Show me your vax pix

I see so many vax pix
Each one I see gets my clicks
I also want a vax pic
But vax roll out is not quick
I will not get the vax soon
I won’t get it before June
It might take till September
Or god forbid December
I want to get a vax pic
I do not want to get sick

210125

210125
Dumb dog devours desserts & does damp doo doo

I need to dream a little more
I need to snooze, I need to snore
But Brownie scratches at the door
He needs out and I know what for
That big, dumb dog – his tummy hurts
He runs outside, he squats and squirts
He kinda earned those shakes and spurts
He should not wolf down my desserts

200520

200520
Firsthand knowledge

Is your tummy cramped and coiled?
Do farts leave your trousers soiled?
Is your brown eye feeling boiled?
Check the milk, I bet it’s spoiled!!!

200403

200403
The palm seen round the world

A face palm by Anthony Fauci
Made hot-tempered Jizztrumpet grouchy
The doc now gets threats
From dumb MAGA pets
Who want to give Fauci an ouchy

200327

200327
At first his throat was a bit sore-us

There once was a PM named Boris
Who wanted his borders less pourous
But then he got sick
From some random chick
Because he had licked her clitoris

200309

200309
Tinder tips

Today I was contemplating
If I should share tips for dating
Do not buy whiskey for Clodagh
She only drinks diet soda
You should not argue with Áine
She’ll throw you down and sit on ya
Don’t lend your money to Bronagh
She will not pay back one Krona
Be careful if you bang Fiadh
She gave a “friend” gonorrhea
Hope this did not make you sleepy
Why does it hurt when I peepee?

200306

200306
Sorry Dexy

Poor old pangolin
Don’t eat him like a sloppy joe
Nor top him on your pizza dough
They have thick hide, don’t blame or slay them
It’s spread (from Wuhan)
And spread (to Milan)
Outbreaks here, there and wherever
COVID-19
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!
COVID-19, wash your hands (thoroughly)
If you’re coughing, do into your sleeve
We don’t possess, a means to address
Oh it’s dirty
Ah, COVID-19
COVID-19
Don’t bring it ’round here
No scanning at our airports yet
So staying inside’s our safest bet
They’ve hinted (No Paddy’s), um, say what? (No Paddy’s)
That won’t sit with us now laddie
We’ll go maddy!
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!

200228

200228
The media peddle fear

If their temperature is high
Write them off as they’ll soon die
If they have a runny nose
Leave before they decompose
If they blast out splashing poo
There’s a duty you should do
If you hear somebody cough
You should drown them in a trough
If you see somebody sneeze
Kill and bury quickly please
If you think they sniffled snot
You should end them with one shot
If this sounds a tad severe
Media has stoked this fear

200226

200226
Captain Trips

It’s exactly how
The Stand by Stephen King starts
Coronavirus

200214

200214
V for the D

Some cringe when they see VD Day
Cause VD’s a pain in the A
To them VD’s an STD
That feels like burning when they pee
And if you still abbreviate
Some Facebook friends will postulate
That you just want the world to see
You have a V for your wee D

191125

191125
Sorry about the mess

The shower is the place to be
If you are nude and need to pee
Another thing that you can do
Is wash your hair while making poo
You probably think that I am sick
To go and do this dirty trick
I’m not a freak, I do declare
It’s why there is a drain in there

190923

190923
Greta can’t sleep

Big business has stolen the young people’s dreams
They poison the oceans, lakes, rivers and streams
Compostable products like bags, cups and straws
Make them stacks of money all done “for the cause”

190104

190104
Unhealthy haiku

Cough sneeze hack wheeze sniff
Nobody likes being sick
Unless you’re a freak

190102

190102
Crappy New Year

Some years start off with a bang
Drinking champagne with the gang
Others start off kind of slow
Clean forgot by all you know
Being sick removes all cheer
When you have been sick all year

181217

181217
That might be their plan

When I am sick, my pets don’t care
I need to walk my Brownie Bear
And Linc will yell until he’s fed
They’ll eat my corpse when I am dead

181119

181119
A rake of shit

The Jizztrumpet rakes up the leaves
His fucking face gives me dry heaves
With Putin, Foster, Pence and May
I wish they all would blow away

180727

180727
Forever and ever

When you lose someone to cancer
Paying tribute is the answer
Memories you cannot sever
Because they loved you forever

180214

180214
She cho-cho-chose me!

Friday night – a twist of fate
We met on a crazy date
She gave me a better life
I asked her to be my wife
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine
Nine short years went by too fast
Our true love was meant to last
My lover and my best friend
Cancer got her in the end
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine
I miss her all night and day
Feeling pain in every way
Sweetie Pea will always be
In my heart eternally
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine

171104

171104
We are family

White House is a huge disgrace
Jizztrumpet is in our face
Hollywood is showing warts
Nothing good in world of sports
Ragnarok is doing well
Breast cancer can go to hell
But I do not give a damn
I’m just hanging with the fam

170923

170923
I’m leaving on a jet plane

Flying in an aeroplane
Can lead to tremendous pain
Way up in the friendly skies
Your ears start to pressurize
When the plane starts to descend
Chewing gum is your best friend
If your eardrums fail to pop
Try to suck on a cough drop
If that doesn’t do the trick
Blow your nose as if you’re sick
Thus endeth my travel tip
Write these down for your next trip

170826

170826
I know you said you’d wait for me
I hope you’re right my Sweetie Pea

The hardest thing I’ll ever do
Is say goodbye to Jelly Moo
My Sweetie Pea is here no more
She will not walk through our front door
She will not cook us awesome food
Or show kindness and gratitude
She will not laugh at silly jokes
Or suffer all those needle pokes

Without our Jean, the world is dark
Her happy smile won’t make a spark
The loss of Jean has caused a hole
There’s one less aunt for young Nicole
Her siblings knew they could count on
The young Jeannie who is now gone
Let’s not forget her awesome friends
As ratings go, she gave them tens

Although she’s gone, she is still here
Our memories won’t disappear
As we recall that pretty face
And how she changed every workplace
She read a lot and knew so much
Our lives transformed with by her sweet touch
There is no way we could forget
The best person we’ve ever met

170724

170724
I’m out

FUCK CANCER

170719


170719
Never tear us apart

I’m helplessly hopeful
And hopelessly helpful
I hope and I help with my heart
I’m fearlessly faithful
And faithlessly fearful
That cancer will tear us apart

170717

170717
I need a miracle every day

I feel so hopeless
There is nothing I can do
Except be right here