Three degrees of urination

Woke up this morn, ’twas minus three
Got out of bed to have a pee
The ice cold floor was such a shock
Warm urine dribbled out my cock
My feet had frozen to the floor
As I leaked out a little more
The trickle turned into a stream
In panic, I let out a scream
So in came Linc and Brownie Bear
While I wailed in wet underwear
Then Brownie stepped into the piss
It splashed on Linc who gave a hiss
The two of them began to fight
While I assessed my pissy plight
I heard them roar and bark and howl
As I reached for the nearest towel
My feet had warmed – no longer stuck
I pulled them free of all the muck
Into the shower I did go
At last the urine ceased its flow
I cleaned the pets, I cleaned the floor
I cleaned myself three times or four
I threw the wet clothes in the bin
We will not speak of this again!


His number one trick

I took Brownie for a walk
He went pee on every block
We had walked about a mile
When he made a young girl smile
I don’t know what made her beam
Maybe it was Brownie’s stream
Wonder if he’d been a hit
If she had seen Brownie shit


Four seasons total landscaping

Joe Biden might be sleepy
But Jizztrumpet is weepy
He’s also super creepy
And just might savor peepee
He’s really good at lying
While so many are dying
Now in his bunker crying
We’ll need Joe’s unifying


V for the D

Some cringe when they see VD Day
Cause VD’s a pain in the A
To them VD’s an STD
That feels like burning when they pee
And if you still abbreviate
Some Facebook friends will postulate
That you just want the world to see
You have a V for your wee D


Sorry about the mess

The shower is the place to be
If you are nude and need to pee
Another thing that you can do
Is wash your hair while making poo
You probably think that I am sick
To go and do this dirty trick
I’m not a freak, I do declare
It’s why there is a drain in there


Excremential crisis

In just one month I’m 52
I have ennui and deja vu
I do not know what I should do
I could wear black or powder blue
I could eat steak or Irish stew
I could watch Jaws or something new
I could just pee or full on poo
Lord give a sign here in the loo!


Scat school

Darker pee and lighter poo
Means that something’s wrong with you
Darker poo and lighter pee
Indicate that you’re healthy


Olympic torch the whole city

Today it starts – the games of Rio
The athletes say it smells like pee-oh
It isn’t safe, the pipes are leaky
The hackers are steadfast and sneaky
If that’s not all, you might get zika
If you get cozy with that chica
The food might give you salmonella
Powerful gangs run the favela
Children and drugs are what they peddle
All this to win a shiny medal


Loving spoonful

I did not think I’d ever see
A heart shaped clump made by cat pee
Linc must have tried with all his might
To leave this gift for us last night
He found a way to show his love
It’s super sweet, at least kind of
I’d rather he purr on my knee
Than shower us with gifts of pee


Happy or hungry?

You seem excited to see me
Do you need food or want to pee?
Perhaps you thought that we were dead
And worried how you would get fed
How did you spend your time today?
Did you destroy or did you play?
There’s no debris, so I conclude
That I will give you some wet food


I’m pretty tea’d off

Every morning after I pee
I can’t wait to imbibe my tea
Weekday weekend doesn’t matter
Drink until it fills my bladder
If I happen to go without
I’ll be angry and then I’ll pout
Hot, iced, green, black and even chai
I’m drinking tea until I die


My back teeth were floating

My speed machine
Flies through the green
Light goes yellow
Cannot mellow
Go straight ahead
Right through the red
Here comes a cop
Not gonna stop
He cannot see
Too much iced tea
I have to pee!


Ain’t I a catch?

My list of fails is still growing
Rarely am I easy going
I wash whites and darks together
I’ve been known to wear green pleather
When it’s pee, I neglect flushing
On weekends, I’ll skip teeth brushing
Don’t know when my nails need clipping
I am flawed, but don’t be tripping


Number one with a bullet

When making number two
There is no guarantee
I want to make a poo
But all I do is pee
I give it all I got
And try with all my heart
But squatting on the pot
The most I do is fart


Big isn’t always better

There once was a man from Germany
Who had a dick that hung to his knee
In lederhosen
The tip got frozen
And flew off when he tried to go pee

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