200930

200930
He won’t denounce white supremacy!

The Jizztrumpet lets people die
And won’t denounce the racist right
Instead he says, “stand back, stand by”
He proudly made the Proud Boys’ night

200928

200928
Offaly is awful

Midlands driving never a blast
Midlands driving gets old real fast
I drove there once, it’s not for me
So much turf, all I can see
Midland days feckin’ away to oh fuck those Midland drives
Welly, welly, welly boots
Tullamore, Tullamore
Where is Ballinagar?
Tullamore, Tullamore
Athlone or Mullingar?
I drove through there, missed the off ramp
Needed to wee, my pants got damp
I kept driving to Longford town
No luck there, no one around
Midland fun? Never begun oh fuck those Midland drives
Welly, welly, welly boots
Tullamore, Tullamore
Where can you get a bite?
Tullamore, Tullamore
Or a place for the night?
Got to Sligo, the N4 ends
Told the Midlands, we can’t be friends
There and then, I made a vow
Won’t be back, no way no how
Midland trips are all bullshit and fuck those Midland drives

200925

200925
You never forget your first

I once had a girlfriend named Sandy
My memories still makes me randy
With lovely blonde hair
And boobs out to there
She tasted sweet like cotton candy

200923

200923
The pumpkin spice must flow

It’s autumn bitches!
Cooling down, colorful, and
Pumpkin spice for all!

200921

200921
The culchies can drink!

They’re open!
They’re really open!
We don’t need chips with pints
The pubs are open!
They’re open!
Thank Christ they’re open!
It’s time to have some craic
The pubs are open!
They’re open!
They’re feckin’ open!
Let’s all have one tonight
The pubs are open!

200918

200918
Stay demented!

I listened to Dr. Demento
Recounting his latest memento
A “Weird Al” 8-track
He found in the back
Of a thrift store in Sacramento

200916

200916
Bet they smell it in New Delhi

Watching Netflix on the telly
Linc is kneading on my belly
Brownie’s farts are awful smelly
Does my lifestyle make you jelly?

200914

200914
Art imitates art

Open my journal
And I write, “Dear Diary
Fuck 2020!”

200911

200911
His semen created more seamen

A seafarer from Ballintubber
Encountered a buxom land lubber
But his one night stand
Got way out of hand
His blubber had ruptured the rubber

200909

200909
The big five three

Today I’m 53
Big whoop-de-fuckin-dee
Although this year is hell
You’ve made my birthday swell
While I take birthday spanks
I give you many thanks!

200907

200907
Dear Micheál, show prudence

Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open up the pubs
Dear Micheál, don’t forget nightclubs
We want to drink and shake our hips
Why do I need to order chips?
Dear Micheál, won’t you open up the pubs?
Dear Micheál, let us drink and smile
Dear Micheál, we’ve been good a while
We’d like to buy some pints to drain
We want to drink and smile again
Dear Micheál, won’t you let us drink and smile?
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?

200904

200904
Thousand-of-kind

It’s time for your annual partay
I wish I could be at your soirée
To prove that I care
This rhyme that is rare
Is only for you on your birthday

200902

200902
Yes he is!

Brownie is a good boy
So he gets his good toy
Wagging his tail with joy
Brownie is a good boy