211129

211129
I even checked my butthole

I have a thing I cannot find
I think I’ve gone and lost my mind
There was a time I had it here
But it’s been gone at least a year
I’ve checked the closets and the drawers
I’ve checked the ceilings and the floors
My mind is not inside my head
Nor is it hiding ‘neath the bed
I’ve looked outside and under there
I just made you say underwear
I’ve searched around the potted plants
And in the pockets of my pants
My Irish friends just laughed I swear
‘Cause pants to them mean underwear
I really hope it’s just misplaced
A mind’s an awful thing to waste
But if it’s gone, I will be fine
As long as one thing’s always mine
I must keep it at any cost
My sense of humor can’t be lost

211124

211124
A yank’s thanks

I’m often asked, since I’m away
How do I spend Thanksgiving Day?
I do not have a big turkey
No stuffing, yams nor cranberry
I do not have my family here
No football games to watch and cheer
I kind of think, most displaced yanks
Just look around and give their thanks
That’s not to say I do not miss
A feast worthy of a chef’s kiss
Or seeing mom or Tom or dad
Of course those things do make me sad
But this is where my feet did roam
I’m in my new forever home
Although it’s far from you to me
I’m just right where I want to be

210908

210908
Merry birthday

‘Twas the night before birthday, and inside my place
Linc and Brownie are sitting in front of my face
I’m trying to watch Parks and Rec season two
But these selfish monsters are blocking my view
They don’t have a cake and not even one toy
But they want to be near a good little boy
Now Brownie, now Lincoln, if you’ll both sit still
We’ll give brand new meaning to Netflix and chill

210428

210428
Can’t get there from here

Four lads in a car
They go down to Cork
They don’t get too far
Turned wrong at the fork
The hotel was wrong
And these hapless men
Did not take too long
To get lost again
They thought as they drove
That they should not roam
To Cork or to Cobh
So far from their home

200701

200701
I didn’t kiss it!

Most every day, I walk my dog
And on one walk, we found a frog
It was not jumping on a log
Or hiding in a stinky bog
We found it near a busy road
Perhaps in fact it was a toad
It hopped around and never slowed
So I walked home to my abode

200420

200420
420 is good for many reasons

Two years a cat
Imagine that
I’m hoping for
Fifty-two more

200330

200330
Feel the city breakin’

My kitchen doubles as a pub
My bathroom a salon
My dining room’s a country club
That looks out on my lawn
My bedroom is an office now
My living room a gym
It barely matters anyhow
When everything’s so grim
I used to work from nine to five
To properly provide
But now I work to stay alive
By staying put inside

191218

191218
Darkness imprisoning me

Not only has today been dark
It’s rained enough to launch an ark
The wet and cold are now allied
I do not wish to go outside

190729

190729
730 Jean free days 💔

Two years ago I lost my wife
While others choose this day to weep
The end does not define her life
Her memory each day I keep

190419

190419
Immaculate perception

I cleaned the house because it’s Spring
I scrubbed the floors and everything
I dusted here, I dusted there
I found a ton of Brownie hair
I washed the dishes in the sink
I picked up after little Linc
I swept so hard my fingers bled
And now it’s time to go to bed

190327

190327
Mope brings external

I will need some hocus-pocus
To regain external focus
It should clearly be worth nothing
Through each day I’m mostly floating
Walk the dog, and feed the kitty
Exercise to keep me pretty
Nothing else seems to be working
Thankfully sunshine is lurking

190201

190201
February won!

Today is February One
There is February sun
Start the February run
Let’s have February fun!

181112

181112
HB Mr. B

Today could be chucked in a bin
A grounded plane with damaged skin
Another plane but had to wait
I missed the bus ’cause we were late
Then had to stand out in the cold
All the delays had gotten old
And traffic as we got to Naas
We crawled along at a snail’s pace
Then at long last, I made it home
And quickly bought Glory to Rome
‘Cause Tony said to this weekend
And I obey my foul-mouthed friend

180618

180618
Around the world in 90 days

These last three months have been quite rough
I’ve lived them all without my stuff
I packed it up and said goodbye
And off it went via Shanghai
The trip has been far from banal
It went through the Suez Canal
Then Rotterdam before Dublin
Excitement level is bubblin’
I’m finally gonna get my gear
Tomorrow it’s delivered here!

180604

180604
Happy 50th SP! ❤

Happy birthday Sweetie Pea
Wish that you were here with me
In our house in Kilkenny
I’ll love you eternally

180420

180420
I’m a cat dammit!

It’s totally worth all the hassle
To get the keys to me own castle!
It’s totally worth every penny
I now own a house in Kilkenny!

180404

180404
I left at 4:20

This house is full of memories
Of sugar poohs and sweetie peas
The good times far outweigh the bad
But lately all I’ve felt is sad
The things are gone, the walls are bare
And melancholy fills the air
I turn the key and lock the door
I won’t be going back no more

180402

180402
Thanks FB Marketplace

I thought it would be really rough
But I just sold all of my stuff
Within this house, there’s just a bed
So I can rest my weary head

180326

180326
So long stuff

The time has come, today’s the day
I’ve packed my stuff, it’s gone away
This empty house, where once was cheer
Is hollow now, without my gear
As I chill with Brownie and Linc
I think of friends, and raise my drink
To Sweetie Pea, I love you most
The sun sets on the Central Coast

170717

170717
I need a miracle every day

I feel so hopeless
There is nothing I can do
Except be right here

170616

170616
Jean is my Wonder Woman

Though sweet Jean is still real sick
Those good thoughts sure did the trick
You can always send some more
To this cancer warrior

170327

170327
I don’t like Mondays

The weekend was great
Two days of fun and frolic
But now it’s Monday

160810

160810
Next time I’ll call pizza slut

The dogs are fed, the cat is too
Now it’s my turn to have a chew
But Jean is gone, I’m on my own
My stomach growls, I start to moan
I look around for food to nuke
The leftovers all look like puke
So I decide to cook from scratch
I gather wood, and strike a match
I fill a pot, and start to boil
I grease the pan with olive oil
I marinate the meat in sauce
I chiffonade like I’m a boss
I bake spring rolls as an hors d’oeuvre
Then right before I start to serve
My eyes open, I’m on the floor
My head had banged the freezer door
My night as chef was just a dream
I settle for melted ice cream

160506

160506
I can’t live without her

Jean is away – she’s gone for work
I stumble ’round like a big jerk
The dogs are dead, cat ran away
She has been gone for one whole day
We’re out of food and no clean clothes
I showered with the garden hose
The house burned down at half past noon
I really hope she comes back soon

160212

160212
Westport we’re in you

In Westport on this winter day
We walked the Wild Atlantic Way
The bitter cold chilled to the bone
This frigid climate is well known
Despite the weather we did roam
Because some day this might be home

160106

160106
What’s colder than cold? Ice cold!

Just cold water in the shower
Makes sure that my mood is sour
Drinking hot tea by the liter
Gotta fix the water heater

151111

151111
Good thing his nose is pink

We could not find our little cat
We did not know where he was at
We checked outside, he was not there
He wasn’t in his favorite chair
We searched upstairs and then searched down
He could be anywhere in town
We called his name, “Where are you Linc?”
We found him in our bathroom sink

151009

151009
Ditty for a doggie – Brownie Bear

He sits around like he just don’t care
That chromatic canine – Brownie Bear
He’ll eat your house into disrepair
A cast iron stomach – Brownie Bear
His policies are quite laissez faire
That political pooch – Brownie Bear
The backyard’s covered with his back hair
He’s a hirsute hounddog – Brownie Bear
He makes the room reek of derrière
That foul-smelling fido – Brownie Bear
Empty noggin, at a wall he’ll stare
Thick headed, tail wagger – Brownie Bear

150703

150703
Have a safe and sane 4th

Bang! Happy Independence Day
Bang! Another dog runs away
Bang! Barbecuing in the park
Bang! Soldiers shaking in the dark
Bang! Bottle rocket, cherry bomb
Bang! Suddenly they’re back in ‘Nam
Bang! Before you light any more
Bang! Think about the folks next door

150603

150603
Everyday

Greet the dawn with a yawn
This is how the day begins
Make a squirt, wash the dirt
Got to scrub off all my sins
Kiss my spouse, leave the house
Wave at Jerry, Phil and Bob
Stop and go, to and fro
Finally make it to my job
Nine to five, still alive
Did it all for little pay
Kiss my mate, life is great
Made it through another day

150420

150420
In da couch

We live at Four Twenty
We have fun a plenty
Like the Waldos in San Rafael
We live on East Cook Street
And when the day’s complete
We chill out and feel pretty swell