210621

210621
Happy yoga day

I want to go to Rome in Italia
But you have to dress the part
And I don’t look good wearing a toga
T-O-G-A, toga
I have to lose some weight, so I sat on a rug
I reached for my toes
‘Cause I’m gonna try to do some Yoga
Y-O-G-A, yoga
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoga
Well, I’m not the world’s most flexible guy
But when I bent my back I nearly broke my spine
Fuckin’ yoga!
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoga
Well, I’m not dumb, but I can’t understand
How people touch their toes
Just by reaching their hand
Fuckin’ yoga!
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoga
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoga
Well, I bent, posed, stretched and strained all night
But still my hamstring’s just too tight
I stood straight up, and then went on my knees
And demonstrated how an old dog pees
Well, I’m not the world’s most dexterous man
But I know what I am and I’m just a fat man
Who can’t do Yoga
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoga
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoga

210616

210616
It’s a win-wank

I want to travel since I can
But lack of money stops that plan
I have few skills for making bank
But I’m a pro at wink and wank
This talent solves my money plans
I’m gonna start an OnlyFans

210609

210609
Second jab is Saturday

Listing my imagination
After second vaccination
I can take a plane to Cali
Or go hike the Great Rift Valley
I can visit my relations
Hug and touch to feel sensations
See the Dead in Sarasota
Or twine ball in Minnesota
I can go to Spain and Quito
Searching for the best burrito
I can play games at conventions
Smoke weed and explore dimensions
I can have a pint of cider
I can put my tip inside her
I might burst just like a geyser
After second jab of Pfizer

210421

210421
The road to anywhere

Before you end up on a gurney
Make sure you plan a jaunty journey
Look at the map, pick a direction
It does not have to meet perfection
If flawless becomes your fixation
You’ll never find your destination
The purpose of this merry mission
To have fun on your expedition
So pick a route and start your roaming
To Wexford, Wicklow or Wyoming
To go somewhere beats going nowhere
Appreciate just how you got there

210312

210312
Still at level five

There once was a woman named Bronagh
Who wanted to visit Verona
But thanks to lockdown
She can’t leave her town
All thanks to the virus Corona

210219

210219
Ted fled

To Cancún Ted chose to go Cruzin’
Which Texans did not find amusin’
While his poodle froze
He packed up his clothes
And showed how a loser does losin’

191209

191209
I’m getting out of Cali

The last two weeks were number one
Though I was always on the run
And rain and clouds obscured the sun
But seeing friends was really fun
I played some games and even won
Time with my folks – second to none
I did so much – I did a ton
A great two weeks but now it’s done

190729

190729
730 Jean free days 💔

Two years ago I lost my wife
While others choose this day to weep
The end does not define her life
Her memory each day I keep

180926

180926
They enjoyed Kilkenny

Vacation for my mom and dad
A splendid trip I hope they had
We ate and drank and had the craic
They went to Mayo and came back
We toured Kilkenny without rain
But now they’re leaving on a plane
Until I see them in twelve weeks
Ignore the tear stains on my cheeks

180905

180905
The gift that keeps giving

Another journey ‘round the sun
Another year of joy and fun
Another trip with plans to make
Another candle on your cake
Another chance to get your kicks
Another person drawn with sticks
Another post that’s so sublime
Another silly birthday rhyme

170927

170927
She’s Aoife to my Strongbow

Through Waterford I went a hiking
I saw some crystal and a Viking
A moment was seized
Jean’s ashes released
This place would have been to her liking

170923

170923
I’m leaving on a jet plane

Flying in an aeroplane
Can lead to tremendous pain
Way up in the friendly skies
Your ears start to pressurize
When the plane starts to descend
Chewing gum is your best friend
If your eardrums fail to pop
Try to suck on a cough drop
If that doesn’t do the trick
Blow your nose as if you’re sick
Thus endeth my travel tip
Write these down for your next trip

170421

170421
Hundred-to-one haiku

Delicious dinners
Fun friends, good gambling, swank shops
Vegas vacation

160219

160219
The city animal is a pussy

There was a farmer from Kilkenny
The women he bedded were many
When there came a need
To scatter his seed
He realized he didn’t have any

160217

160217
All aboard!

We passed through Limerick on vacation
And saw a man at the train station
His pants on the ground
A crowd gathered ’round
And witnessed his wild masturbation

160215

160215
I’d cross the Shannon for Shannon

There once was a lass from ol’ Limerick
She was ginger so sure she’s a mick
I had in my head
To take her to bed
But I knew that I would finish quick

160212

160212
Westport we’re in you

In Westport on this winter day
We walked the Wild Atlantic Way
The bitter cold chilled to the bone
This frigid climate is well known
Despite the weather we did roam
Because some day this might be home

160210

160210
The weather is exactly as planned

We will fly up in the air
We will go from here to there
We will go from nice and warm
To a place that loves to storm
Here it’s 80 Fahrenheit
Then a Trans-Atlantic flight
What is waiting there for us?
Rain and zero Celsius

150928

150928
Try not to hate no worries mate

Worst part of the trip is the travel
It makes my brain start to unravel
From lengthy delays on the tarmac
To encumbered bags that hurt your back
Can’t sleep on the plane though I’m shit faced
And then one of our bags is misplaced
The vacation starts when you get there
But sitting around makes me lose hair

150925

150925
Good luck All Blacks!

Our two week trip is at an end
Into a cave we did descend
The glow worms shined as bright as stars
Like fireflies caught in blue jars
We’ve seen and done so many things
Hobbiton from Lord of the Rings
We ate food cooked over tea tree
But never saw a brown kiwi

150923

150923
Hobbiton was awesome

Jean and I went to the Shire
We heard angels in a choir
It’s all true, I am no liar
Green Dragon Inn had a fire
In Bag End we could retire
There’s no way we could be higher

150921

150921
Just as planned

Walking with Jean hand in hand
It’s nighttime in New Zealand
The wine and food sure is grand
We want to stay in Auckland

150918

150918
HB + SP

Went down under to get some ink
I found a place that didn’t stink
There was some pain, but I pushed through
To get a stick person tattoo

150916

150916
Always and forever

For all of the days
You are my always
I always want to
I always want you

150914

150914
I have a pain down under

14 hours on a plane
In my ass there is a pain
All that sitting on my bum
Butt cheeks feel insanely numb

150911

150911
Next stop Sydney!

I’ve lost my concentration
For working at the station
I have a new fixation
We’re going on vacation!

140825

140825
2,680 miles later…

The trip is done
There’s no more fun
Wipe off that smirk
It’s back to work

140823

140823
Sadly we weren’t scared

We stayed in a hotel in Ryde
People say there are ghosts inside
Spectral encounters are implied
I think it’s ’cause a hooker died
It’s creep factor was bona fide
But spooky times we were denied

140821

140821
Road to everywhere

Before we went on vacation
I felt tied to the whipping post
Mostly due to my vocation
Then we drove up and down the coast
This trip has been a lot of fun
Despite driving for ten long days
Our personal Cannonball Run
We’ve seen so much I’m in a daze

140819

140819
Also a fox!

We saw a cougar at Lake Quinault
On the north shore road without asphalt
We viewed from afar
Inside our safe car
We’ll store that in out memory vault

140817

140817
Portland’s hangover cure

We got six donuts from Voodoo
First we ate one to break our fast
We had our second for lunch too
Then for dessert we ate the last