The Late Late Toy Show

A TV presenter named Ryan
Shows kids toys that we should be buyin’
We look at that junk
To get good and drunk
And have a nice Saturday lie in


Wait till he charges per tweet

To Musk, free speech comes at a price
It will now cost to spew advice
If you prefer a big blue tick
You’ll pay eight bucks to that rich prick


The asterisk PM

There once was a PM named Lizzie
Whose policies made people dizzy
She fucked up the pound
And got people down
Then quit in a bit of a tizzy


Trickle up fact

Everything is more expensive
Corporations are offensive
Though us peons scream and holler
Big biz gets our hard-earned dollar


Happy birthday today and every other day

Happy birthday
So nice to see
Happy birthday
It should be as good as can be
Oh happy birthday
Happy birthday make a wish for free
That on your birthday you will plant a money tree
Happy birthday
Have fun today
Happy birthday
I hope you just eat cake and play
Oh happy birthday
You’ll open your presents and party with glee
Oh happy birthday
I hope you sing this part with me
Every other day
Every other day
Every other day of the year is fine, yeah
But then when your birthday comes
But then when your birthday comes
You can find me rhymin’ all of the time
Happy birthday
Have fun today
Happy birthday
Don’t get carried away
Whoa, Happy birthday
Don’t go away
Happy birthday
It’s here to stay
Oh happy birthday
Oh happy birthday


At least he didn’t stab it

A nasty young man from Stab City
Would do things that weren’t very pretty
He once traveled east
And paid off a priest
To lick a Kilkenny nun’s kitty


Drop it like it’s hot

I did a thing I didn’t like
I dropped my phone when on a hike
I cursed myself, I made a scene
At least I did not crack the screen
Instead I broke the LCD
It’s fixable for a large fee
While I stand here, egg on my face
I need to get myself a case


Violence is never the answer

I do feel bad for Jada’s hair
But she’s a multi-millionaire
She got compared to GI Jane
A fighter who could withstand pain
That Will Smith slap was just not right
He brought a gun to a word fight
I hope that when we disagree
That you won’t throw a punch at me


It ain’t easy being green

They raised the price to light a light
And that increase was total shite
This tax came in because the greens
Said we should not use some machines
But their machines are fairly dear
And you can hardly get them here
To make things worse, inflation hit
And we still knew their plan was shit
They’re giving us 200 quid
So we’ll forget just what they did
I’ll take that dough and make a bet
That Irish voters won’t forget


Bad poetry day

To some folks, my poems are shitty
They’re rude, vile and stupid – not witty
They say that my drawings ain’t pretty
More worthy of scorn, not your pity
It’s fine that some find it offensive
I used to get moody and pensive
Then lash out because I’m defensive
My therapy bills were expensive
But now when my poems are hated
I won’t feel so low and deflated
The reason I’m now liberated?
Bad poetry is celebrated!


Please, no wagering

Is life a competition
Or just an exhibition?
I don’t need your permission
To write this composition
Expose my exposition?
Oppose your opposition!
These lines are an admission
I’m not a word magician
I have no inhibition
With thought to page transmission
My rhyming repetition
And drawing demolition
Might nurture nerve nutrition
And intellect ignition
To wrap up this submission
My prose and picture mission
Will come to its fruition
With global recognition
A well-to-do patrician
And songs by a musician


Spam egg sausage and spam

Check your spam, check your spam
Yes, of course I sent it ma’am
We have problems sending emails
And I swear it’s not a scam
Yes, I did – I don’t kid
I will bet you twenty quid
Though it was marked as suspicious
My email was not malicious
Open it, take a chance
I assure you in advance
You must have a real careful filter program
Go on, and check your folder
Just do as I told ya
Check your spam, oui your spam, check your spam!


Walk the walk

We are walking to show we care
We are walking ’cause they’re not there
We are walking for survivors
We are walking for your fivers
We are walking to find a cure
We are walking all night for sure
We are walking for Jean my wife
We are walking – Relay for Life


It’s a win-wank

I want to travel since I can
But lack of money stops that plan
I have few skills for making bank
But I’m a pro at wink and wank
This talent solves my money plans
I’m gonna start an OnlyFans


Bill Gates’ loss might be my gain

Melinda, I see you’re soon single
I am too if you want to mingle
I don’t have as much cash as Billy
While he’s smart, I’m simple and silly
You’ve had a nerd with piles of money
You should try one who’s broke and funny
If you want a goofball who’s humble
Swipe right on me when you’re on Bumble


Concealed in Cork

Someone won the jackpot
Making me a crackpot
They won’t think it’s funny
That I have no money
Since I have no bounty
Better leave the county


He grew up to be an FG TD

A young fella in Ballyragget
Saw money and wanted to snag it
Went up to his gran
Snatched right from her hand
She called him a punk and a maggot


The small woman

My tinkerer in Gloomhaven
Was a modest, moxie maven
She gave her coins to the Great Oak
And got some blessings to invoke
Her hardwork did unlock the Saw
And now retires with scant hoopla
She battled through a twelve game slog
I say goodbye to An Bhean Bheag


What if?

Ever ponder fate though?
What if I didn’t go?
What if she didn’t show?
What if I had no dough?
What if she had a beau?
I guess we’ll never know


Then pints were quaffed – seven or eight

A dungeon crawl to liberate
Some loot from those with no heart rate
Sarcophagus a heavy weight
The lid came off – a twist of fate
Stone statue then did animate
With one goal – to exterminate
The bard – then target of hulk’s hate
Rolled through the legs to separate
A crossbow aimed – the bolt flew straight
It found its mark – the giant great
Exploded in a spray of slate
The spoils were split with every mate


Substantially scuttered

On 29 June
You can drink your pints and eat
€9 Tayto


Bitcoin works too

While the world has gone to hell
Do you have a thing to sell?
I will work from dawn to night
Making you a new website
I will finish in a flash
If you send me bags of cash!


Tinder tips

Today I was contemplating
If I should share tips for dating
Do not buy whiskey for Clodagh
She only drinks diet soda
You should not argue with Áine
She’ll throw you down and sit on ya
Don’t lend your money to Bronagh
She will not pay back one Krona
Be careful if you bang Fiadh
She gave a “friend” gonorrhea
Hope this did not make you sleepy
Why does it hurt when I peepee?


Black like my soul

It’s time to turn the ledgers black
Just buy that bullshit on the rack
Spend money at your favorite store
Shop till it hurts, then shop some more


Money lesson in Essen

Nice trip to Essen
I still bought a lot of games
But less than last year


Apologies to Coolio

As I walk through the packed aisles and I look to my right
I see a game that I want and I devise to squeeze in tight
‘Coz I’ve been planning and reading so long, that
I got to buy this game before it is gone
You see Rahdo told me that this one is phenomenal
Because negative interaction is nominal
Then my wallet does the talkin’, and I start walkin’
Until Boydell’s new game is blockin’
I really love his games, so I buy it, dude
He better sign the box or that would be quite rude, fool
I’m the board game geek that goes around with a Pope hat
So all the folks in the math trade hall know where I’m at

Though I’ve only been there twice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Tokens, cards, minis and dice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Kickstarter’s my only vice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Buying games at twice the price
Essen is a gamer’s paradise


Poitín > pot of gold

The spooky day will be here soon
I have been hyped since half past June
If you don’t like please don’t impugn
I like black cats, but I’m no loon
And over in this land of green
The treats are good, the tricks aren’t mean
And if you’re nice you’ll get poitín
That’s why I treasure Halloween


Greta can’t sleep

Big business has stolen the young people’s dreams
They poison the oceans, lakes, rivers and streams
Compostable products like bags, cups and straws
Make them stacks of money all done “for the cause”


Another birthday rhyme

For your big day I have a treat
It’s not a meal that you can eat
It’s not a check that you can cash
It’s not a place where you can crash
It’s not a board game you can play
It’s not a dye job for that gray
It just might give a spirit lift
This poem is your birthday gift


Ten steps back

I need to finish soon
I’ve had this job since June
Just one more week to go
Until I get that dough
The fat lady could sing
Except for one small thing
I need to start anew
And that is why I’m blue


Self employed blues

I work from home in my underpants
With Brownie and Linc, I sometimes dance
And once in a while, I’ll do some work
Pay’s ok, but the boss is a jerk

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