Another day – another shooting

I’m tired of your thoughts and prayers
It doesn’t seem like your god cares
They’ll argue until nothing’s done
So fuck your rights and fuck your guns


That text was better than sext

I’ve been stressed out to the max
Then I got some hopeful news
I’ve been scheduled for the vax
That has brightened up my blues


Bill Gates’ loss might be my gain

Melinda, I see you’re soon single
I am too if you want to mingle
I don’t have as much cash as Billy
While he’s smart, I’m simple and silly
You’ve had a nerd with piles of money
You should try one who’s broke and funny
If you want a goofball who’s humble
Swipe right on me when you’re on Bumble


WWJD? What would Jean do?

When cops kill blacks, I think of Jean
And how she’d say, “This is obscene!
That could be me, or my nephews
Who now is dead and on the news!”
What is the crime, or mortal sin
That’s based on color of your skin?
What justifies such an attack?
Their biggest crime? They were born black…


The media peddle fear

If their temperature is high
Write them off as they’ll soon die
If they have a runny nose
Leave before they decompose
If they blast out splashing poo
There’s a duty you should do
If you hear somebody cough
You should drown them in a trough
If you see somebody sneeze
Kill and bury quickly please
If you think they sniffled snot
You should end them with one shot
If this sounds a tad severe
Media has stoked this fear


#RIP Eric Sokol

Seems like losing’s never finished
Every loss leaves me diminished
News today was grief and sorrow
Hope it’s better news tomorrow


Reach out touch someone

Water leaking from my eye
Why am I about to cry?
Every piece of news is sad
Nothing seems to make me glad
Then my friend decides to call
And their voice undoes it all
I forget when I’m alone
No one’s far thanks to the phone


Flint still doesn’t have clean water

Funny lady slung the dirt
Sarah got her feelings hurt
Right wing outrage must be fake
Smoky eye melts the snowflake


Subpoena Sam

There is a Sam under subpoena
Who’s crazier than a hyena
He’s either a drunk
Or Roger Stone’s punk
He needs to flee to Argentina


It’s not on his side

He’s always on the nightly news
His every tweet gives us the blues
One place Jizztrumpet won’t be seen
The cover of Time Magazine


It’s only been 110 days!

Jizztrumpet is Nixonian
His orders are draconian
The consummate vulgarian
The Comey thing – contrarian
Constant attacks on media
Precipitates acedia
The US ain’t utopia
But let’s avoid dystopia


I read the news today – oh boy!

Good news
Woo hoos
I’m glad
Grave news
Boo hoos
I’m sad
Guilt news
Blown fuse
I’m mad


I’m a master debater

It’s time to watch the first debate
NBC’s Holt will moderate
Clinton and Trump do not equate
Her plan is to perpetuate
Obama’s years that end at eight
While Jizztrumpet embraces hate
He thinks the US isn’t great
Brown people he’d incarcerate
Or even worse – forced emigrate
These views should make voters irate
But they will just self-medicate
And experts will prognosticate
While sycophants congratulate
Each presidential candidate
I hope tonight will motivate
Undecideds who chose to wait
To see these two deliberate
The stakes I cannot understate
There’s time to guard the whole world’s fate
Please register, it’s not too late



What’s with this racist cop shit?
They need to fucking stop it!
Motherfuckers with a badge
Their tiny dicks get no vag
So they fling the brown man down
Throw his black ass on the ground
Shoot him twice into his head
Motherfuckers shot him dead!
No need for a punk ass trial
Though they’re guilty by a mile
Murder pigs will be set free
Slap the black community
It’s the same shit as before
They must want a racial war
We all want to live in peace
Till we do – FUCK THE POLICE!


‪#‎FuckDaesh‬ twice, sideways with a broom

Istanbul has been bombed again
Too many victims – it’s insane
Travelers waiting for a plane
Terrorists are a huge shit stain


‪#‎Brexit‬? how ’bout ‪#‎FuxItUp‬!

EU is a bloody mess
Like a Donald Trump U.S.
Merry England wants to leave
Chaos is all they achieve
Scotland voted to remain
And Gibraltar next to Spain
Ulster said it wants to stay
Now they may unite some day
UK’s money loses ground
Peso’s worth more than the pound
Misinformed and racist Brits
Put their county in the shits
Now the home of Mr. Bean
Can’t be saved by king or queen


Congrats donkeys

The Broncos won the Super Bowl
And Denver loses all control
The main stream press did not highlight
Most of the rioters were white
Imagine if they had been black
The press would have a heart attack
It’s funny that with all those drugs
White donkey fans still act like thugs


Vanilla ISIS is a bunch of babies

The “liberal” news has made an error
By not calling this an act of terror
I guess they don’t think armed white men cause fear
Even though they kill the most every year
Want to make America great again?
Don’t let the door hit you on your rear end


I ain’t goin’ anywhere tbh

I ain’t goin’ to Havana
Unless I’m wearing armor plate
I ain’t goin’ to Montana
I’d rather sun burn in Kuwait
I ain’t goin’ to Savannah
I’d sooner avoid the whole state
I’m skipping Louisiana
Unless I need to urinate
Not goin’ to Indiana
They need to learn to tolerate
They are not Americana
Unless you think it’s good to hate


I have been, and always shall be, your friend

The news today was quite a shock
For many years he was our friend
But death comes for all in the end
Live long and prosper Mr. Spock!


Don’t strain yourself

I think there’s Ebola
On your Coca-Cola
Media lives off fear
Joe Six-Pack drinks a beer
Put down that Ricola
It might have Ebola
Media slavery
Does not want bravery
I’m sure there’s Ebola
On raisin granola
They want you to be scared
Nobody will be spared
Flint to Pensacola
We all have Ebola


Good luck B & R

Big changes today for our news
Won’t matter if we don’t get views
I’m sure Bianca will be great
And Rafa’s gonna be first rate
But will our viewers ever know
‘Cause we forgot our new promo


Limpin’ Jack Flash

Here’s some news that makes me sad
Diet soda is now bad
Angelina’s still with Brad
Mick Jagger’s a great-granddad
Rap music is not a fad
Getting old makes me so mad


Black holes CNN?!?

My brain cannot contain
This unending refrain
About the missing plane
The media campaign
Is borderline profane
I want to have free rein
To administer pain
To the anchors most vain
Hitched to this gravy train
And those who are inane
Who have something to gain
From info they obtain
It’s downright inhumane
That they try to maintain
And keep open the vein
For those feeling the pain
While their hope starts to wane
It’s making me insane


Unthinking head

How do you say, “Captain Sum Ting Wong”
And not know that it is clearly wrong?
Is “Ho Lee Fuk” real? Probably no
Where do you go after “Yu Tu Lo”?
Could “Bang Ding Ow”, be somebody’s name?
Did the station screw up? Who’s to blame?


Grumpy Cat is so intense

Here’s some news that will make you squeal
Grumpy cat has a movie deal
Will it be a flop or a hit?
Honey Badger don’t give a shit


Check your sources!

CNN – “They got the guy!”
“Oopsie, that might be a lie”
Is it so hard to check facts?
You look like a bunch of hacks
False hope while nerves are fraying
Journalists have a saying
“If your mom says she loves you
Check your sources through and through”


North Korea is worst Korea

Rodman goes to North Korea
Horsey Sausage at IKEA
Cardinals meet to make new Pope
Gang rape suspect at end of rope
High court debates Voting Rights Act
My Yahoo email was hijacked
The Dow Jones sets an all-time high
More headline news to get you by


Pope Benequit

I woke up to news that the Pope had quit
I thought to myself, “Now ain’t this some shit?!?”
Catholics around the world will have to cope
‘Cause since 1985, I’ve been Pope

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