210719

210719
Animate Objects FTW!

We were in a dungeon
At least six levels deep
I cast Animate Objects
I was a rock lobber!
Rock lobber – rock lobber
We were on a new plane
Everybody had leveled up
Somebody then opened a lock
And there they saw a vrock
It wasn’t a roc
I was a rock lobber
Rock lobber – rock lobber
Dwarf is a cleric, bard is halfling
Everybody’s clashin’ – everybody’s bashin’
Flyin’ over lava – gettin’ stunned
Blastin’ demons, blastin’ till it’s done
He was a big pest – we need a short rest
Pass the healing potion
Here comes a giant boar
There goes a manticore
In walked a blink dog
There goes a death dog
Chased by a werecat
In flew a sea hag
Watch out for that beholder
There goes a dragon
Here comes a demogorgon!

210503

210503
Bill Gates’ loss might be my gain

Melinda, I see you’re soon single
I am too if you want to mingle
I don’t have as much cash as Billy
While he’s smart, I’m simple and silly
You’ve had a nerd with piles of money
You should try one who’s broke and funny
If you want a goofball who’s humble
Swipe right on me when you’re on Bumble

210226

210226
Oh snap!

A couple named Vision and Wanda
Should never have gone to Wakanda
First killed by his wife
Then Thanos took life
What happened to Vizh is a shanda

200923

200923
The pumpkin spice must flow

It’s autumn bitches!
Cooling down, colorful, and
Pumpkin spice for all!

200608

200608
Killing kobolds

The kobolds thought that they’d do in
The bard and Lady Serafin
But they did not expect to see
This duo with ferocity
While Serafin got knocked about
The halfling took his crossbow out
The first bolt went into an eye
Now that’s a gruesome way to die
The next three bolts flew through the air
And found their marks with deadly flare
Poor Serafin was black and blue
A healing word made her anew
The lady yelled “now go to sleep!”
A hidden dagger was plunged deep
And now the legend can begin
The bard and Lady Serafin

200504

200504
Sorry about the mess!

Since I’m Solo now
A good Han is important
I often shoot first

191025

191025
Apologies to Coolio

As I walk through the packed aisles and I look to my right
I see a game that I want and I devise to squeeze in tight
‘Coz I’ve been planning and reading so long, that
I got to buy this game before it is gone
You see Rahdo told me that this one is phenomenal
Because negative interaction is nominal
Then my wallet does the talkin’, and I start walkin’
Until Boydell’s new game is blockin’
I really love his games, so I buy it, dude
He better sign the box or that would be quite rude, fool
I’m the board game geek that goes around with a Pope hat
So all the folks in the math trade hall know where I’m at

Though I’ve only been there twice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Tokens, cards, minis and dice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Kickstarter’s my only vice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Buying games at twice the price
Essen is a gamer’s paradise

191023

191023
I hope to play at least 16 games in Essen

I play two games in the morning
I play two games at night
I play two games in the afternoon
It makes me feel alright
I play two games when I’m at home
And two at a game store
I play two games before I play two games
And then I play two more

191011

191011
He’s plain batty

There once was a villain named Joker
Who was bad and not mediocre
He made people smile
Then killed them with style
While wearing a vest that was ochre

191009

191009
Especially up top

I’m binging Star Trek
TOS and TNG
Picard outshines Kirk

190624

190624
9171 7577 0794

First world problems from Niantic
Lack of knowledge had me frantic
World launch failed and then succeeded
So my fun was not impeded
We can play Wizards United
All the nerds will be delighted

190403

190403
We were all winners

Wednesday night is my game night
And tonight was out of sight
Loot Letter and Isle of Skye
Carson City – my oh my
I will show up every week
‘Cause I am a board game geek

190325

190325
Sex, cats and robots

Love, Death and Robots
Part Black Mirror meets Hentai
Part Heavy Metal

190220

190220
Meeples > Top Hats

Someone blended “my” and “people”
And that portmanteau was “meeple”
Gamers love them – wood or plastic
Some are simple – some fantastic
Fighters, wizards, thieves and clerics
Dinos, pirates, and oil derricks
You can choose your favorite symbol
Better than a boot or thimble

190215

190215
I’ll boldly go!

A red-head on Star Trek named Tilly
Is brainy and friendly and silly
At first a cadet
Then Klingon War vet
She gives we warp nine in my willy

180919

180919
Toad is a dick!

Raphael has a pointy sai
Captain Mal has a Firefly
GI Joe has a kung fu grip
Jizztrumpet has a mushroom tip
Ms Pac-Man has a cute hair bow
These are things that I can’t unknow

170626

170626
I’d like to Slytherin your Gryffindor

There once was a Potter named Harry
Who fought against foes that were scary
But his greatest dread
Performing in bed
His wand work was quite ordinary

151218

151218
So happy for wars in the stars

Nerds and fanboys are in heaven
No more wait for Star Wars VII
Jocks, jerks, Jedis, and Jamaicans
Get to see The Force Awakens
Never thought we’d see these sequels
Hope they’re better than the prequels
Not sure which show I can go to
Post a spoiler, I’ll unfriend you!

150710

150710
SD I want to be in you

Comic-Con – I want to go
Comic-Con – it’s such a show
Pop culture and comic geeks
Haven’t changed their clothes in weeks
Cosplayers dressed to the nines
Hours spent waiting in lines
Rumors aren’t in short supply
Find out first who’s next to die
Hard to find a place to crash
Hope you brought a ton of cash
Comic-Con – it isn’t fair
Comic-Con – I can’t be there

150513

150513
Got a pocket full of quarters

Always an underachiever
I never had Pac-Man fever
At the arcade, this old-timer
Had a case of Crazy Climber

150227

150227
I have been, and always shall be, your friend

The news today was quite a shock
For many years he was our friend
But death comes for all in the end
Live long and prosper Mr. Spock!

141129

141129
The geek awakens

The Star Wars trailer is a tease
But frame by frame this geek will freeze
A stormtrooper on Tattooine
Then a ball droid in the next scene
More stormtroopers upon a ship
A girl giving someone the slip
Rebel pilot flies an X-wing
More lens flare from the lens flare king
The lightsaber is red, not blue
And then my favorite music cue
The freaking Falcon flies again!
As teases go, this one’s a ten

140401

140401
But I do root for the Angels

I’ve been the butt of many jokes
But I won’t fall for any hoax
I don’t belong to a think tank
But you’ll still find me hard to prank
I’ve never been a master sleuth
But I won’t believe your untruth
I’ve been a nerd since grammar school
But I am not the April Fool

140127

140127
If I had one to sell

I would commit the perfect crime
In order to get more free time
There’s not enough time in the day
I have to work instead of play
When I was young, I had the time
But then I didn’t have a dime
Free time and money are the goal
To have them both, I’d sell my soul!

0827

0827
Why is it a handbasket?

What’s the criteria
For war with Syria?
Are chemical attacks
The motivating facts?
Odom’s habit’s well known
Nerds wait for new iPhone
Microsoft needs new head
Neil Armstrong is still dead
As Yosemite burns
Our ill-fated world turns

0823

0823
Jersey Girl wasn’t that bad

Never known for having priorities straight
Comic book geeks are unreasonably irate
Keeping in mind we dropped the bomb on Japan
The worst thing ever is Affleck as Batman
It’s hard to argue when the heads aren’t level
“He sucked in Gigli. He sucked as Daredevil”
Is it really his fault that those movies failed?
“Yes! Get a cross and make sure his hands are nailed!”
He’s no Brando, but I liked him in “Mallrats”
So, throw down the pitchforks and let go the bats
Your quarrel is as moot as this is bizarre
Peter Dinklage Hula Hooped at a gay bar

0301

0301
Spock shot first

I’m such a big nerd that my heart swelled
When Obama said Jedi Mind Meld
I don’t care that Trek and Wars were mixed
I just want the economy fixed

0219

0219
I got the last word

Growing up as a nerd
My chances were absurd
Of going to a dance
Or having a romance
With the girls I wanted
Instead I was taunted
For having some knowledge
And going to college
Although I’m still a nerd
I have a lovely bird
And those who threw the taunts
Are filled with hopes and wants

0201

0201
Burnt out nerd?

Men at Work was my first concert
So gnarly, I bought a t-shirt
“It’s a Mistake” and “Overkill”
They played all their hits; what a thrill!
Tom and I were offered some grass
We refused like it was nerve gas
The show ended with “Down Under”
When I reminisce I wonder
If I had puffed on what was passed
How would that have changed the past?