The inconvenience of Clerks III

I’ve seen the third and final Clerks
The end of those New Jersey jerks
Less like Jedi, more like Empire
At least it’s no prequel quagmire
Of course there’s Silent Bob and Jay
And cameos to save the day
It made me laugh, it made me cry
Dante and Randall’s last goodbye



Happy Star Wars Day!
May the 4th be with you all
And also with you


Hit it Max

That Garsa Fwip
Sharp as a whip
She used to strip
When it was hip
You best not flip
Or lose your grip
‘Cause in a blip
She’ll make you trip
With just one quip
You’ll be a drip
So bite your lip
‘Cause you got zip



Boba Fett and Fennec Shand
Riding on a bantha’s back
Chasing Niktos on the sand
End them with a swift attack
Fennec Shand and Boba Fett
Piloting a Firespray
Settling another debt
Hunting Pykes – this is the way


Cara dún do bhéal

There once was a fighter named Gina
A warrior born like Athena
But her hateful gob
Cost her a cool job
I hope she’s replaced by fair Xena


It’s a trap!

2020 sucked
Help us 2021
You’re our only hope


Sorry about the mess!

Since I’m Solo now
A good Han is important
I often shoot first


She did and did not

There once was a Jedi named Daisy
Who made all the fanboys go crazy
When she used the force
They screamed until hoarse
Misogynist hatred is lazy


He drove Ky and Lo

There once was a Driver named Adam
Who liked to speed over macadam
He flew down the line
Doing sixty nine
To get to his favorite madam


Is maith liom feoil dorcha

I wish I was a polyglot
But one language is all I’ve got
I tried Spanish and Irish too
“Hello”, “Goodbye”, and “How are you?”
So, Duolingo helps to train
These languages inside my brain


“I hate you.” “I know.”

As Star Wars goes, this ain’t the worst
They got it right when Han shot first
But this Han was slightly #Yolo
That’s why I was meh for Solo


So over 2017

Can’t wait for this year to end
So hard losing my best friend
Jizztrumpet is a big child
Neo-Nazis running wild
Orders for a Muslim ban
Stimulates the Ku Klux Klan
All women hashtag #MeToo
Roy Moore’s lawyer is a Jew
Rich folks got a big tax break
Bigots won’t bake wedding cake
Star Wars fans hate number VIII
Next year best be fucking great


Been with me since 1977

A long time ago
In a mall far, far away
A film changed my life


“We miss you” “I know”

There once was a princess named Carrie
Whom every boy wanted to marry
In moonlight angled
Her own bra strangled
‘Cause this year is our adversary


To me it’s Rogue 1-3

Because of Rogue One
Prequels are irrelevant
So long one through three


A real prequel

I can’t wait to see Rogue One!
Ready for some Star Wars fun
Keeping with the Christmas cheer
You will get no spoilers here!


May the 4th be with you

There once was a man named Darth Vader
Who built a golden robot traitor
A long time ago
He made 3PO
Who turned his back on his creator


Gone like rolling thunder

They say good things come to their ends
I say goodbye to my card friends
No more Star Wars or Burning Sands
So much goodness held in my hands
No more Doomtown or L5R
The boxes went into my car
I hadn’t played these games in years
But all packed up, I fought back tears
When I did play, I had a blast
Those memories will have to last
It had to come, this mournful day
The card games have all gone away


So long 2015!

2016 is almost here
It’s time to look back on the year
In Paris there were two attacks
White lives don’t matter less than blacks
ISIS proceeds to terrorize
And mass shootings are on the rise
Another Bush; Trump wants a wall
The Right has no one good at all
Glad Star Wars fans around the block
Sad Star Trek fans lost Mr. Spock
Australia was a lot of fun
Then Jean and I toured Hobbiton
Later we lost Eugene and Lou
But now there’s one more thing to do
So raise your glass and give a cheer
It’s time to say, “Happy New Year!”


Return of the spoilers

Star Wars fans got Christmas early
The new Jedi’s kind of girlie
The Falcon and Luke’s lightsaber
Made me cheer and nudge my neighbor
Han and Chewie shooting bad guys
I won’t spoil the biggest surprise
From Finn to Poe to BB-8
I think the movie’s pretty great


So happy for wars in the stars

Nerds and fanboys are in heaven
No more wait for Star Wars VII
Jocks, jerks, Jedis, and Jamaicans
Get to see The Force Awakens
Never thought we’d see these sequels
Hope they’re better than the prequels
Not sure which show I can go to
Post a spoiler, I’ll unfriend you!


SD I want to be in you

Comic-Con – I want to go
Comic-Con – it’s such a show
Pop culture and comic geeks
Haven’t changed their clothes in weeks
Cosplayers dressed to the nines
Hours spent waiting in lines
Rumors aren’t in short supply
Find out first who’s next to die
Hard to find a place to crash
Hope you brought a ton of cash
Comic-Con – it isn’t fair
Comic-Con – I can’t be there


And also with you

If you know Han shot first
And that Jar Jar’s the worst
If your love tells you so
And you just say, “I know”
If you drink milk that’s blue
May the Fourth be with you


No Chief Chirpa either

Solo and Chewie!
The Millennium Falcon!
And no Jar Jar Binks!


Han crashed first

Ford likes to fly
Hashtag #YOLO
Fell from the sky
Get well Solo


The geek awakens

The Star Wars trailer is a tease
But frame by frame this geek will freeze
A stormtrooper on Tattooine
Then a ball droid in the next scene
More stormtroopers upon a ship
A girl giving someone the slip
Rebel pilot flies an X-wing
More lens flare from the lens flare king
The lightsaber is red, not blue
And then my favorite music cue
The freaking Falcon flies again!
As teases go, this one’s a ten


It could be worse

Remember a long time ago
We met R2 and 3PO
Obi Wan had a bad feeling
Lando did some double dealing
We all know Han took the first shot
As Yoda said, “Do or do not”
He also said, “There is no try”
Important words for a Jedi
Vader sent Ben to his defeat
And now the circle is complete
Luke’s upside down in an ice cave
Leia looks hot dressed as a slave
My armor doesn’t look like Fett’s
I think I have Star Wars Tourette’s


If I had one to sell

I would commit the perfect crime
In order to get more free time
There’s not enough time in the day
I have to work instead of play
When I was young, I had the time
But then I didn’t have a dime
Free time and money are the goal
To have them both, I’d sell my soul!



From Luke to Yoda to R2D2
To Han Solo – “May the 4th be with you!”
From A New Hope to Empire to Jedi
We know that Darth Vader is the bad guy
The prequels sucked from here to the Death Star
Anakin is a brat and fuck Jar Jar
Will VII through IX redeem the franchise?
They only sure thing is more merchandise


Hey punk! Here’s your poem!

There once was a guy named Vitali
We met in High School back in Cali
Though he’s in PA
And I’m in CA
He’s still my friend, buddy and pally


Spock shot first

I’m such a big nerd that my heart swelled
When Obama said Jedi Mind Meld
I don’t care that Trek and Wars were mixed
I just want the economy fixed

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