220805

220805
100% chance of moisture

There was a young lass named Delaney
Who liked her boys rugged and brainy
When students with pecks
Would read books and flex
She’d get wet though it wasn’t rainy

220722

220722
Good to the last drop

A pretty lass went to São Paulo
Her faithful boyfriend he did follow
He rubbed tired feet
And lowered the seat
‘Cause he found a girl that would swallow

220715

220715
At least he didn’t stab it

A nasty young man from Stab City
Would do things that weren’t very pretty
He once traveled east
And paid off a priest
To lick a Kilkenny nun’s kitty

220708

220708
Them’s the breaks

A failed PM tories call Boris
Is featured in Roget’s Thesaurus
Synonymously
Five entries has he
Dick, asshole, cock, twat, and clitoris

220701

220701
His mitre was quite ostentatious

A bishop who folks called Ignatius
Would drink beer and get quite pugnacious
He’d punch a few nuns
Then shoot off some guns
His sermons were lewd and salacious

220603

220603
Or not so secretly

There once was a man who was creepy
He’d often pretend to be sleepy
His snoring was fake
He’d lay there awake
And secretly rub on his pee pee

220527

220527
Me encanta tu plátano

There once was a man from Salinas
Who only went out with latinas
He loved snappy sass
Their apple-shaped ass
And they preferred his curvy penis

220520

220520
Fruit Salad

A swimmer who lived in Fontana
Got undressed inside a cabana
A woman walked in
And started to grin
When she saw his peach and banana

220506

220506
Johnny Deppshit

I woke to the song of a birdy
And there next to me was a turdy
Well that isn’t right
What happened last night?
I must have slept with Amber Heard-y!

220429

220429
Click click

There once was a ginger named Rusty
Who had affairs torrid and lusty
He often spilled seed
But he did not breed
He shot blanks with balls that were dusty

220422

220422
His willy got woolly

There once was a wild Irish rover
Who tended to sheep as a drover
One night on the piss
A ewe gave a kiss
Then each night he got drunk all over

220415

220415
The death of Brian

There once was a fella named Brian
Nailed next to a fella who’s dyin’
The young fella said
Though he’d soon be dead
If you don’t see bright you’re not tryin’

220401

220401
Stand up and be counted

This weekend I fill out the census
I make sure that I’m conscientious
I count every cat
Dog, spider and rat
In order to reach a consensus

220325

220325
West Side Limerick

There once was a Jet known as Tony
Who kept gangster Riff as a crony
He then took a twirl
With a PR girl
But did not end in matrimony

220318

220318
Four-way hentai

There was a kaiju from Manila
Who thought his sex life too vanilla
He paid the madame
For wham-bang-and-bam
With Mothra, Rodan and Godzilla

220311

220311
Fill ‘er up fantasies

A greedy and vile petrol station
Would gouge due to war and inflation
The owner was caught
While sailing his yacht
The swift punishment was castration

220304

220304
Chilly Willie’s willy

There once was a skier named Willie
Who never was warm, but was chilly
The story was told
He always was cold
And ended up with shrinking willy

220218

220218
So don’t let her get near your penis

There once was a dental hygienist
Who had a hot body like Venus
But she had a smell
The ninth ring of hell
Her own holes were far from the cleanest

220211

220211
She had an amazing opening

A woman who lived in Hoboken
Would argue ’cause she was outspoken
A champ at debate
Her oral was great
Then rebut that she needed pokin’

220204

220204
Every hen needs a cock

I met a young hottie at Ryan’s
Her friends were all sevens to nines
But she was a ten
A bride on her hen
Our weekend was late nights and lie ins

220107

220107
I don’t think she meant tobacco

The things that I do on the shitter…
Like scrolling through nonsense on Twitter
A raging debate
That caused so much hate?
A lass said she’s always a spitter

211229

211229
Boom! Bang! Whap! Doink!

There once was a head coach named Madden
His passing caused many to sadden
‘Cause year after year
The viewers would hear
His “Boom!” and then our hearts would gladden

211217

211217
He kept his black heart in a freezer

There once was a nasty old geezer
A Scrooge by the name Ebenezer
He acted that way
Since it took all day
To find his small dick with a tweezer

211203

211203
Oh my gourd!

A couple named Pumpkin and Peter
Were cold so they sat by the heater
Pete wanted a bite
But try as he might
She was so hard, he couldn’t eat her

211126

211126
Kate is in Clint’s class

There once was a Hawkeye named Barton
Who found a sidekick he could smarten
When Clint first met Thor
Cap, Tony and more
Kate Bishop was in kindergarten

211119

211119
Banging Bruins

There once was a Bruin named Josie
And she had a boyfriend named Joe, see?
So Josie and Joe
Would bang to and fro
They humped from the Rose Bowl to OC

211112

211112
Big Mouth is big fun

There once was a monster named Maury
A big, hairy dick allegory
Created by Kroll
He’s kind of a troll
Who helps young teens with nutting glory

211105

211105
Alice Nelson and the Brady Grail

There once was a housemaid named Alice
Who liked to clean Mike Brady’s phallus
She’d rub and tug it
Then lickety split
She’d drain it like the holy chalice

211029

211029
Goblin girls

There once was a green little goblin
Her wife and she often were squabblin’
So they’d get some drink
Until they were pink
And come home three sheets and a wobblin’

211022

211022
It’s good to be the queen

There once was a monarch named Betty
Who liked sex with men who were petty
If they had small minds
And sturdy behinds
They’d frivolously get all sweaty

211015

211015
He has so much updog

There once was a vampire named Colin
His energy draining was ballin’
His weapon of choice
A monotone voice
Got everyone’s head to start lollin’