I don’t care if I never get back

All across the US of A
From Seattle to Tampa Bay
From San Diego to St. Paul
It’s opening day for baseball
Through fall and winter I did mope
But opening day brings new hope
‘Cause when the home team takes the field
Last year’s suffering is all healed
I got my glove; I got my hat
My favorite player is at bat
Will he hit it over the wall?
Let’s find out, it’s time to play ball!


This should take the cake

A little earthquake
Will keep you awake
The ground starts to shake
And things start to break
You’ll get a head ache
It feels like a snake
Is eating brain steak
Oh for goodness sake!
What sense does that make?


Happy home haiku

The bedroom is warm
The living room is toasty
The basement is cool


Black holes CNN?!?

My brain cannot contain
This unending refrain
About the missing plane
The media campaign
Is borderline profane
I want to have free rein
To administer pain
To the anchors most vain
Hitched to this gravy train
And those who are inane
Who have something to gain
From info they obtain
It’s downright inhumane
That they try to maintain
And keep open the vein
For those feeling the pain
While their hope starts to wane
It’s making me insane


Damn that’s exhausting

We say goodbye to Mary Drive
At out new house we did arrive
It took three days to move a mile
I hope it proves to be worthwhile
Moving all of the odds and ends
Would not have happened without friends
I’ll get back to all my slacking
As soon as I’m done unpacking


I hate haters

There once was a man from Westboro
His dislike of gays was most thorough
By saying God hates
He opened debates
And gays made him look like a burro


Feel the wrath of my poetry!

You want me to have urgency
When it’s your damn emergency?
It’s your fault there was a mistake
So I will not give you a break
You figure out how to make good
For I have done all that I should
If you don’t like this third degree
Next time you should listen to me!


Paddy O’Downer

It happens every year
Wannabes drink green beer
Eat cabbage and corned beefs
Think shamrocks have four leafs
I don’t want to be mean
But simply wearing green
And acting childish
Doesn’t make you Irish


Is it magic or tragic?

A green glitter unicorn
Standing With a broken horn
On a shelf, sad and forlorn
Wishing it was never born


In the zompocalypse I want to be dead last

Ya gotta keep pace
Or you’ll lose the race
Ya gotta go slow
Or you’ll miss the show
Ya gotta move quick
Or you’ll fail the trick
Ya gotta stay loose
Or you’ll spill your juice
Ya gotta be fast
Or you’ll be dead last
The last to be dead
Still wins by a head


Barack was friggin’ funny

Obama went on Between Two Ferns
And roasted Zach with some major burns
He put up with Zach’s jokes and blank stare
To help promote his Obamacare
If more young adults will get insured
It will be worth all that he endured


You can’t be down when you’re going up

If exercise is what you like
Perhaps you should go take a hike
It’s good for your constitution
To get away from pollution
A good workout without a doubt
Is going on a walkabout
In order to be fit and hale
Lace up your boots and hit the trail!


At least it wasn’t potato bug

Jean just saw a spider
It skittered beside her
Though it didn’t hurt her
She asked me to murder
The huge hairy spider
That skittered beside her
I stomped on its body
And dropped it in potty
In the death triple crown
The spider got flushed down
A warning to spiders
They should stay outsiders


Do priests give up wine for lent?

Today is the first day of lent
It’s marked by a smudging event
A priest rubs some dirt on your head
So you look like the walking dead
And then you’re expected to quit
Something that you like for a bit
The best part of this canon law
Is partying on Mardi Gras
I wonder if celibate monks
Are jealous of church approved drunks


A mighty howl awoo awoooo!

If you keep your eyeballs peeled
While scanning an open field
Looking past the tribe of goat
You might spot the lone coyote
He looks back to your delight
As he slinks out of your sight


It came quickly

This so-called storms was incomplete
It rained enough to flood the street
It washed my car and soaked our lawn
But quick as it came, It was gone

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