220808

220808
Your neon lights will shine for you

Xanadu is closed
Olivia Newton-John
May she rest in peace

220629

220629
He isn’t anymore

I’m the fucking President
Take me to the Capitol now
I’m the fucking President
I know I won the vote somehow
I’m the fucking President
They may have guns but won’t shoot me
I’m the fucking President
I stacked the courts so I’ll stay free!

220506

220506
Johnny Deppshit

I woke to the song of a birdy
And there next to me was a turdy
Well that isn’t right
What happened last night?
I must have slept with Amber Heard-y!

220413

220413
Tsunami of sadness

His jokes always killed
Tragedy was comedy
Rest In Peace Gilbert

220328

220328
Violence is never the answer

I do feel bad for Jada’s hair
But she’s a multi-millionaire
She got compared to GI Jane
A fighter who could withstand pain
That Will Smith slap was just not right
He brought a gun to a word fight
I hope that when we disagree
That you won’t throw a punch at me

211108

211108
Fuck State Farm too!

Steelers are black
Packers are green
Aaron Rodgers is a fucking, lying,
     anti-vaxxer, piece of shit

211022

211022
It’s good to be the queen

There once was a monarch named Betty
Who liked sex with men who were petty
If they had small minds
And sturdy behinds
They’d frivolously get all sweaty

211013

211013
He boldly went

Shatner has blasted off of earth
He’s left the planet of his birth
The ship can’t find a place to dock
His ego’s stuck in the airlock
He wears his captain’s courage badge
To deal with own harsh sabotage

210927

210927
Going off the furrow

I don’t know what I’m drinking
I’ve fallen off three wagons
My brain has started thinking
Do all dungeons have dragons?
Can you cry under water?
Did Prince own any plain clothes?
Does laughter lead to slaughter?
Do unicorns fart rainbows?

210922

210922
Mistress of the fabulous!

Elvira’s in the dark no more
She’s found a woman to adore
It’s not too late for new love or
To open up that closet door

210709

210709
A short burst of inconsequential information

There is a web app known as Twitter
That most people read on the shitter
Unless you’re spray tanned
And forever banned
Then you sue them ’cause you are bitter

210630

210630
Zip zop wop boopity bop

The DA did agree
And that’s the argument
Bill Cosby might be free
But he’s not innocent

210625

210625
He crushed his enemies

There once was a quipster named Conan
Who certainly lacked melatonin
But night after night
With all of his might
He helped to produce serotonin

210505

210505
Sinko de Trumpo

From Facebook, Twitch and Twitter
Jizztrumpet is still banned
His absence makes me titter
Good people think it’s grand
On many social websites
His antics aren’t allowed
He now continues his fights
By yelling at a cloud

210503

210503
Bill Gates’ loss might be my gain

Melinda, I see you’re soon single
I am too if you want to mingle
I don’t have as much cash as Billy
While he’s smart, I’m simple and silly
You’ve had a nerd with piles of money
You should try one who’s broke and funny
If you want a goofball who’s humble
Swipe right on me when you’re on Bumble

210305

210305
Taoiseach Me-hole!

A Martin named Micheál is Taoiseach
This leak about him gives a wee shock
He has beady eyes
Because ‘tween his thighs
He has trouble finding his wee cock

210224

210224
That’s awful! Awful funny!

This bears repeating
And it’s my breathing mantra
Rush Limbaugh is dead

210219

210219
Ted fled

To Cancún Ted chose to go Cruzin’
Which Texans did not find amusin’
While his poodle froze
He packed up his clothes
And showed how a loser does losin’

210120

210120
Frustration turns to jubilation

This is no exaggeration
Four years is a long duration
To endure annihilation
Of this once majestic nation
Now eager anticipation
For Biden’s inauguration
And the giddy expectation
Jizztrumpet’s incarceration

210106

210106
Un bucking felievable

Jizztrumpet is an ass
The proud boys he did ask
Stand by – stand back – en masse
Then Capitol trespass
And Congress to harass
Not one of them has class
DC police now has
To shoot them with tear gas

201113

201113
He hates everything trans

Jizztrumpet has made it his mission
To fuck up Joe Biden’s transition
The fat orange turd
Is crude and absurd
His petulance reeks of sedition

201109

201109
Four seasons total landscaping

Joe Biden might be sleepy
But Jizztrumpet is weepy
He’s also super creepy
And just might savor peepee
He’s really good at lying
While so many are dying
Now in his bunker crying
We’ll need Joe’s unifying

201102

201102
Do the right thing

Voters please don’t let us down
Run that jackass out of town
I’m fed up with dirty tricks
That’s why I want forty-six

201007

201007
Please baby please baby please baby baby baby please

Every night, can’t stop doomscrolling
Covid-19, right-wing trolling
Sanity is slowly slidin’
Need a win from ol’ Joe Biden

201002

201002
Hope they try bleach

The virus that’s bad for angina
Has spread far from Wuhan in China
From a flying mouse
Into the White House
Transported in Hope Hicks’ vagina

200930

200930
He won’t denounce white supremacy!

The Jizztrumpet lets people die
And won’t denounce the racist right
Instead he says, “stand back, stand by”
He proudly made the Proud Boys’ night

200824

200824
Color me bad

Do bronze prawns wear long johns?
A black yak might blow his stack
A blue gnu would be cuckoo
A pink mink would make you think
A teal seal would be unreal
A peach leech – you must impeach

200814

200814
Voting in 9 x 9 days!

The Senator Kamala Harris
With Biden – they will not embarrass
The US of A
Which as of today
Is laughed at in Seoul, Rome, and Paris

200812

200812
Crazy about Kamala

Deck the polls I’m voting Biden
Ka-ma-la-la-la, Ka-ma-la-la
Goodbye Pence, and also bye Don
Ka-ma-la-la-la, Ka-ma-la-la
Harris will be a great VP
Ka-ma-la, Ka-ma-la, Ka-ma-la
Now for sure a blue wave we’ll see
Ka-ma-la-la-la, Ka-ma-la-la

200805

200805
He has a pointless point of view

There’s no place in the world for this angry old man
With his thousands of lies and his dumb TikTok ban
He abuses his post, this abuse his downfall
His legacy’s broke like that Mexico wall
And he’s proud as a peacock ’cause he’s a mob boss
And he struggles with facts his soul is a loss
And we’d liked to be rid of this angry old man

200715

200715
They don’t fucking care

They don’t care if you die
For they need their nails done
They don’t care if you die
So you can’t take their gun
They don’t care if you die
They won’t reuse a bag
They don’t care if you die
But they’ll weep for a flag
They don’t care if you die
But they love them some cops
They don’t care if you die
But Jizztrumpet is tops
They don’t care if you die
So they won’t wear a mask
They don’t care if you die
They won’t do what you ask
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die