One small shit for man…

NASA shot a DART
Into an asteroid
They are really smart
They’re gainfully employed

I once shit a shart
Right past my hemorrhoid
I’m still scared to fart
I’m downright paranoid


Brownie should go to El

There is no room up on the couch
So Brownie’s acting like a grouch
He won’t lay down, he will not go
His head is blocking half the show
He then proceeds to cut some farts
This smell is off the fucking charts
He’s barking now, that’s overkill
I guess I won’t Netflix and chill


Fartin’ Jay Brownbear

He put a smell on you
From his behind
In fact the house now smells like poo
Oh god – I ain’t lyin’
Linc and I can’t stand it
We’re running away
You’re still stinky Brownie
The house reeks like a shit bouquet
He put a smell on you
From his behind


Going off the furrow

I don’t know what I’m drinking
I’ve fallen off three wagons
My brain has started thinking
Do all dungeons have dragons?
Can you cry under water?
Did Prince own any plain clothes?
Does laughter lead to slaughter?
Do unicorns fart rainbows?


Straight from the horse’s ass

There once was a man from Tacoma
Who unleashed a deadly aroma
He took the horse pill
Which made his butt ill
And put the whole town in a coma


It’s 8:01

There’s one thing that I really hate
It’s when something is really late
I will admit my nasty trait
Does not one bit make me look great
When not on time, I get irate
My mouth will froth, my hips gyrate
It puts me in a wretched state
So mad that I expectorate
I’ll get all tense and flatulate
And through the roof goes my heart rate
Where is my food? I cannot wait!
They said that they’d be here by eight!


My jingle jangled

Letting myself go
Don’t care how much I weigh
Sweets and cookie dough
Gorging all the way
Hanging out with Linc
He is not too bright
I’ll sit back and quaff my drink
I’ve had enough tonight!
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay


All I want to do…

Don’t ever presume
You’ve muted your zoom
That boisterous boom
That’s filling your room
With foul-smelling fume
Could be career doom


Bet they smell it in New Delhi

Watching Netflix on the telly
Linc is kneading on my belly
Brownie’s farts are awful smelly
Does my lifestyle make you jelly?


Firsthand knowledge

Is your tummy cramped and coiled?
Do farts leave your trousers soiled?
Is your brown eye feeling boiled?
Check the milk, I bet it’s spoiled!!!


A cake made out of babies

Playful nicknames is a duty
How ’bout babycakes or cutie?
Is he charming? Is he funny?
Maybe call him honey bunny
Does she shine with every fiber?
Sweetie pea might best describe her
If their presence makes you sizzle
They might be your swizzle pizzle
If you’ve found the perfect crony
Be sincere and don’t be phony
It’s alright if it is corny
Or a name that make them horny
If they are your dearest dandle
Find for them a heartfelt handle
If it’s thoughtful and not solemn
It won’t matter what you call ’em


Begone ye demon doggie!!!

I walk into an unlit room
My heart races – it fills with gloom
The floorboard squeaks – I catch my breath
The air is filled with rotting death
What horror lurks? What demon near?
I reach my hand trembling with fear
And switch the light to see what’s there
It’s just a farting Brownie Bear


It wasn’t me

When a drummer meets a drummer
Which one is the bummer?
When a ranger meets a ranger
Which one is in danger?
When a poet meets a poet
Which one doesn’t know it?
When a martyr meets a martyr
Which one is the farter?


I ❤️ 2 💩

A log entry from me to you
I quite enjoy a number two
One’s not enough, and three won’t do
When squatting down up in the loo
A smelly fart might be a clue
Dropping a deuce is overdue
So I flush twice when I am through
Then wash my hands and bid adieu


Downward farting dog

Brownie has a dootie
Brewing in his booty
Though he is my buddy
His stench is real cruddy
What is in his belly
That could be so smelly?
Maybe it’s the fish skin
That he had for din-din
Now my nose is smarting
“Brownie please stop farting!
Your ass gas is rotten
Go and get to squattin’!”


Hit me with your best shart!

The last few days have not been great
For bathroom trips I vacillate
Between the squirts and smelly farts
My TP use is off the charts
And now I trust my flatulence
About as much as Trump and Pence
Another cramp, so here I sit
I cannot wait for solid shit


Share my stupid shit too!

I think I’m done, ’cause no one cares
This poem won’t get any shares
I rarely get likes, laughs or hearts
Unless it’s about shits and farts
I don’t know what I have to do
To get an interact from you
If we don’t change this dismal trend
This Facebook page will see its end


Steve – you’re welcome

I know what I’m gonna do
I will make an epic poo
I will eat a ton of fruit
Let it brew until I toot
Then go sit upon my throne
And whip out my ol’ iPhone
Push until it hurts my hole
Push until it fills the bowl
Though I have an aching ass
Epic turds like this are class


Happy birthday Sweetie Pea!

Jean is my love, I love my Jean
To me she’s kind, she’s never mean
She’s so funny and lot’s of fun
As sweetie peas, she’s number one
She’s got the looks, she’s got the smarts
She always cooks and never farts
I stay young with vitamin J
So let’s wish Jean – Happy Birthday!


Pull my finger

I’m looking through my works of art
It’s clear I’ve spoken from my heart
Some are stupid, and some are smart
But the best ones all mention fart


Farting like comedy is all about timing

I’ve held a secret in my heart
I killed a woman with my fart
The poor young lady’s life did pass
After inhaling noxious gas
It was my putrid aroma
That put her into a coma
You’ll never know quite how I felt
As I did watch her features melt
I’ll never forget that sweet lass
Who met her end by sour ass
Keeping that secret was quite smart
But better to have held that fart


She’s one pernicious pooch

I love Raven with all my heart
Until she rips a noxious fart
It melts my face; it curls my hair
It grosses out poor Brownie Bear
What does she eat? Is it the grass?
What festers in that evil ass?
I’ve gone from love to really hates
The dog that always flatulates


The Dutch oven of your dreams

The big meal that I just ate
Makes me want to hibernate
It was fun to masticate
Now it’s time to flatulate


No shit? No shit!

Here I sit
Tried to shit
But only made a toot
Hear a shush
So I flush
And out of there I scoot


Ditty for a doggie – Brownie Bear

He sits around like he just don’t care
That chromatic canine – Brownie Bear
He’ll eat your house into disrepair
A cast iron stomach – Brownie Bear
His policies are quite laissez faire
That political pooch – Brownie Bear
The backyard’s covered with his back hair
He’s a hirsute hounddog – Brownie Bear
He makes the room reek of derrière
That foul-smelling fido – Brownie Bear
Empty noggin, at a wall he’ll stare
Thick headed, tail wagger – Brownie Bear


That’s my blue flame special

If you’re going to the store
This will make it less a bore
Try to get the squeaky cart
No one hears you when you fart


Does my life make you jelli?

While eating toast and jelly
I got from a new deli
I turn on our old telly
And watch Michael and Kelly
Then noises in my belly
Squeak out and are real smelly


Read in Morgan Freeman’s voice

You feel it in your heart
You feel it in your feet
You really need to fart
Afraid you’ll stain the sheet
You take a breath of air
And clench your muscles tight
You squeeze it out with care
But hold with all your might
It makes a squelching blast
Your heart is filled with dread
You let it out too fast
You’ve gone and shit the bed


Blame it on the guy before

Have you ever smelled a smell
Like some demon dark and fell?
Did a vulture die in here?
This might linger for a year
Like an abattoir of death
Worse than garlic, onion breath
I think it was chorizo
That made the bathroom smell so


Melt your face

I think that two dogs means
Twice as many dog farts
I’ve never fed them beans
But this smell’s off the charts


Number one with a bullet

When making number two
There is no guarantee
I want to make a poo
But all I do is pee
I give it all I got
And try with all my heart
But squatting on the pot
The most I do is fart

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