I must be high

I’m the kind of guy
Who loves to eat pie
And tuna on rye
While drinking a chai


She’s one pernicious pooch

I love Raven with all my heart
Until she rips a noxious fart
It melts my face; it curls my hair
It grosses out poor Brownie Bear
What does she eat? Is it the grass?
What festers in that evil ass?
I’ve gone from love to really hates
The dog that always flatulates


I hope it doesn’t take 3 days

It will be good Friday when I’m still in bed
With a gorgeous woman who loves giving head
Like the zombie savior eating his twelve men
It will be great Friday when I rise again


Their neighbors want to move to Venice

There once was a woman from Ennis
Who married a farmer named Dennis
They raised lambs and sows
Goats, chickens and cows
The smell was a real fucking menace


Herbaceous haiku

Bright golden poppies
Mingling with purple lupine
It’s blooming brilliant


I drew a bath

If you have had a brutal day
A bath might make it go away
So light candles and fill the tub
Then give your feet a loofah scrub
You do not have to remove dirt
And Champagne surely wouldn’t hurt
To calm your inner psychopath
Turn off the world – turn on your bath


Green beer is for sasanaigh

Put on your green, and raise your beer
At last, St. Patrick’s Day is here!
I’ll speak about the Emerald Isle
And you might end up with a smile
Pull up a chair, and sit right down
We love the craic and hate the crown
We like our food boiled in a pot
Cabbage is good, corned beef is not
Only three leaves on a shamrock
The trunk’s a boot; a lake’s a lough
Jumpers are worn when it’s fierce cold
It’s always fierce the truth be told
The coffee might contain Baileys
To warm you up before céilís
Of course you know, we love our beer
But if it’s green, get out of here!


With envy

Like Kermit, I’m all in green
I’m a green wearing machine
I love green, and that’s no lie
I’ll wear green until I die


Gone like rolling thunder

They say good things come to their ends
I say goodbye to my card friends
No more Star Wars or Burning Sands
So much goodness held in my hands
No more Doomtown or L5R
The boxes went into my car
I hadn’t played these games in years
But all packed up, I fought back tears
When I did play, I had a blast
Those memories will have to last
It had to come, this mournful day
The card games have all gone away


Did he kill himself

I need to get this off my mind
If you watch Flash but are behind
I warn you now to leave the room
Jay Garrick just cannot be Zoom
As Flashes go, he was the first
To make him bad would be the worst
The writers have a lot of nerve
I hope this story is a swerve
Barry Allen might be the best
While others favor Wally West
This might seem a bit hysteric
I’ll quit Flash if Zoom is Garrick


This ending was not too shabby

It’s the end for Downton Abbey
And it was a good finale
Carson has a bit of palsy
Grantham’s mother is still ballsy
To Spratt, Denker is a scoffer
Barrow got more than one offer
Isobel married Lord Merton
Daisy’s love life is more certain
Tom and Henry to sell used cars
Baxter won’t see man behind bars
Molesely is a full time teacher
Bertie got to face the preacher
Patmore’s dinner fed a big crowd
Cora’s Robert says he is proud
Sisters aren’t foes, but they’re not mates
Show ends with a new Master Bates!


His hands do look small

Let’s analyze last night’s debate
By candidates I love to hate
They gave us more hyperbole
A booger eaten on TV
The next thing really made me sick
We got to hear about Trump’s dick
I don’t know why he’s in first place
I want to move to outer space


Green beer no – green shake yes

Now that February’s gone
March is here and marching on
Highlight is St. Paddy’s Day
Shamrock shake and fish filet
Make sure to avoid green beer
Won’t be long till April’s here

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