I resolve to resist the Jizztrumpet

2016 could not be worse
Like shitty drinks you’re forced to nurse
To start this list of things not good
The loss of stars from our childhood
And Jizztrumpet the next four years?
He’ll harbor hate and foster fears
To me the thing that tops this list
Is Jean’s cancer her doctor missed
I say this with the utmost class
This year has sucked a fat dog’s ass!


“We miss you” “I know”

There once was a princess named Carrie
Whom every boy wanted to marry
In moonlight angled
Her own bra strangled
‘Cause this year is our adversary


Sex is natural but so is death

Another star Death did abduct
2016 has fucking sucked
And now he got that dude from Wham!
But not Ridgeley – who’d give a damn?
George Michael’s gone, his fans are wrecks
No more “Faith” or “I Want Your Sex”
So rest in peace you sexy Greek
This year is done in one more week


My Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa wish too

I have one wish this Festivus
For Jean to be as well as us
Maybe more well than Dave the drunk
His muddled head’s missing a chunk
And way better than fatso Fred
He’s one donut away from dead
And don’t forget ol’ smelly Sue
She stinks worse than a pile of poo
My wish for Jean this Festivus –
Better health than the rest of us!


Night gathers and now my watch begins

Long winter time is here again
This one will stay till who knows when
Like Game of Thrones this one will last
Until at least four years have passed


To me it’s Rogue 1-3

Because of Rogue One
Prequels are irrelevant
So long one through three


A real prequel

I can’t wait to see Rogue One!
Ready for some Star Wars fun
Keeping with the Christmas cheer
You will get no spoilers here!


Spirits for the Xmas spirit

Drinking at the Christmas party
Diet cola and Bacardi
Ate a rib eye that was yummy
So much goodness in my tummy
Then came time to exchange presents
I gave dollars; they gave ten cents
Left the party as it ended
Kind of glad that I attended



Wedded bliss goes past year seven
Every day still feels like heaven
He is funny; she is clever
Their love will endure forever


X-mas will be blue this year

Why do I always cry?
Constant tear drops in my eye
I do fear lack of cheer
Will be commonplace this year


Godwin can suck it!

Hitler and Trump – though years apart
Hitler and Trump – the same at heart
Hitler and Trump – pledged to make great
Hitler and Trump – hotheads first-rate
Hitler and Trump – both like to blame
Hitler and Trump – have hair that’s lame
Hitler and Trump – hatred and fear
Hitler and Trump – men of the year


Christmastime in our bungalow

Bundled up like an Eskimo
Warming hands with some hot cocoa
Christmas songs on the radio
Jingle Bells in my falsetto
Kissing Jean under mistletoe
That is how every day should go


Express lane – twelve ounces or less

Buying dog food at Costco
Suddenly I had to go
Every line was ten carts deep
‘Twas a sea of shopping sheep
Since the dog food was on sale
I decided not to bail
Stood in line behind a nun
Bladder full with number one
She asked me to hold her tote
As my teeth began to float
Nun was done; my turn to pay
Fighting back the urge to spray
Paid and flew to the bathroom
Dropped my pants; opened the flume
Yellow was all I could see
Wow, I really had to pee!

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