I ain’t goin’ anywhere tbh

I ain’t goin’ to Havana
Unless I’m wearing armor plate
I ain’t goin’ to Montana
I’d rather sun burn in Kuwait
I ain’t goin’ to Savannah
I’d sooner avoid the whole state
I’m skipping Louisiana
Unless I need to urinate
Not goin’ to Indiana
They need to learn to tolerate
They are not Americana
Unless you think it’s good to hate


An excerpt from my upcoming musical Oklahomeless

I did it
I really did it
I had a thing to do, and then I did it
He did it
He barely did it
At first it didn’t work, but then he did it
Sean did it
Sean finally did it
He barely slept at all, but then he did it
He did it
He fucking did it
It took about a month, but then he did it


Please share and like

I don’t care
If you share
That’s a psych
Share and like


I am sooo chip faced

The bag of chips has a face
It’s a nacho cheese disgrace
The brain child of a nut case
Head is full of empty space
Easy target for your mace
An image you can’t erase
Worst thing in the human race


That weed is high

Here’s the world’s largest weed
Sprouted up from a seed
It’s taller than a bus
Bigger than both of us
There it is in our yard
Tried to burn, only charred
Some poison we did spray
Still it stands here today
Then we both tried to dig
But the roots were too big
So we said, “Let it live
For the shade it will give.
It might be just a weed,
But it’s best of it’s breed.”


Don’t be misled there’s always bed

I think I’ll just go back to bed
Wind blew the hat off of my head
My jeans don’t fit ’cause I’m too fat
My only friend’s a one-eyed cat
I found a bug in my sandwich
I drove my car into a ditch
I owe way more than I can pay
I got shit on by a blue jay
My job is slowly killing me
It sometimes hurts when I go pee
My doctor says I’ll soon be dead
I think I’ll just go back to bed


Ya gotta love yourself

Put your hand
On your gland
Stretch it like a rubber band
When it’s out
Give a shout
Got to shake it all about
Now you’re done
With your fun
Put away that flaccid gun


SQL can suck it!

Dead end, dead end, dead end, dead end
No matter how much time I spend
I just can’t find a way to mend
This broken web site for a friend
I think I’ve gone around the bend
Dead end, dead end, dead end, dead end


What’s this wet stuff?

Drizzle isn’t really rain
Not enough to fill the drain
Sprinkling doesn’t really count
Comes in such a small amount
When it pours it’s way too much
Overflows the curb and such
Not a drought and not a flood
But sufficient to make mud
That’s the rain we really need
Just enough to grow a seed


Is that a bug in her beak?

Saw a swan swimming south
With a moth in her mouth
Guess she likes eating bugs
Better than snails or slugs


Han crashed first

Ford likes to fly
Hashtag #YOLO
Fell from the sky
Get well Solo


Let’s start walk out Wednesday

I so want to quit
I’m over this shit
So mad I could spit
But I will admit
I like where I sit
I guess I won’t quit


Hailing haiku

Bright and sunny morn
And then it poured cats and dogs
What the friggen hail?

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