160831

160831
Let’s have a ball for summerall

Though fall is still three weeks away
Summer concludes on Labor Day
The calendar may not agree
But brand new shows are on TV
School has returned and football too
We have a chance for something new
Between breakfast and midday lunch
Someone created champagne brunch
So after summer, before fall
We should declare a “summerall”
And just like brunch we drink champagne
While summer bods are on the wane

160829

160829
What Kaepernick haters sound like to me

The flag should be respected
Not your silly race complaints
Your people are neglected
By society’s constraints
But we cannot acknowledge
The playing field’s not level
You must have learned in college
While people are the devil
We liked you as a winner
When the game was on the line
But now you are a sinner
And we pray for your decline

160826

160826
#AltRightMeans being racist is cool

Alt right means that good ol’ boys are great
Alt right means destroying love with hate
Alt right means controlling how you dress
Alt right means a woman’s “no” means “yes”
Alt right means they’re proud their skin is white
Alt right means they’re always wrong – not right

160824

160824
Share my stupid shit too!

I think I’m done, ’cause no one cares
This poem won’t get any shares
I rarely get likes, laughs or hearts
Unless it’s about shits and farts
I don’t know what I have to do
To get an interact from you
If we don’t change this dismal trend
This Facebook page will see its end

160822

160822
This one goes to Eleven

Dungeons and Dragons is a game
No two adventures are the same
If demogorgon is your foe
The Dungeon Master’s not your bro
You try to cast a fireball
But rolling seven’s your downfall
When armed with rocks and wrist-bound slings
You may encounter Stranger Things

160819

160819
This goblin Poap he ain’t no dope

Poap is goblin warrior
Stabbing foes is not a bore
When he cuts, your blood will pour
Then he’ll do it more, more, more!
————————————
Poap is hungry ’cause he’s fat
So he ate your smelly cat
If you’re not okay with that
He will chop your head off – splat!

160817

160817
Black cat appreciation day

Black pussies should not be hated
They should be appreciated
Stroke them, pet them, fondle and touch
Tickle them with feathers and such
Give them a smooch or soft caress
It’s your job to diminish stress
Become a pussy sorcerer
Do what it takes to make them purr

160815

160815
Your meat needs three stripes

I’m so mad I wrote this letter
Burger King you should know better
I just ate a Whopperrito
Whopper crossed with a burrito
Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce
This creation does upset us
Please forget these loathsome mergers
You should stick to grilling burgers

160812

160812
He tells it like it jizz

The Jizztrumpet says he’s sarcastic
The lies that he spews are bombastic
A total disgrace
When he fails this race
His fans will take actions quite drastic

160810

160810
Next time I’ll call pizza slut

The dogs are fed, the cat is too
Now it’s my turn to have a chew
But Jean is gone, I’m on my own
My stomach growls, I start to moan
I look around for food to nuke
The leftovers all look like puke
So I decide to cook from scratch
I gather wood, and strike a match
I fill a pot, and start to boil
I grease the pan with olive oil
I marinate the meat in sauce
I chiffonade like I’m a boss
I bake spring rolls as an hors d’oeuvre
Then right before I start to serve
My eyes open, I’m on the floor
My head had banged the freezer door
My night as chef was just a dream
I settle for melted ice cream

160808

160808
‪#‎LightsOut‬

These once was a ghost named Diana
To hide in the dark was her plan-a
Exposed to the light
She started to fight
But lost and was not top banana

160805

160805
Olympic torch the whole city

Today it starts – the games of Rio
The athletes say it smells like pee-oh
It isn’t safe, the pipes are leaky
The hackers are steadfast and sneaky
If that’s not all, you might get zika
If you get cozy with that chica
The food might give you salmonella
Powerful gangs run the favela
Children and drugs are what they peddle
All this to win a shiny medal

160803

160803
How proud they must be

The family who sacrificed is known as Khan
Their hero son was lost in war, we honor them
The family we know as Trump, their job is con
Their awful son shoots animals, ain’t he a gem?

160801

160801
He wasn’t playing

There once was a fella named Jamie
His jokes were the kind that would slay me
The way he said “hey”
He either was gay
Or else he was trying to play me