It’s a trap!

2020 sucked
Help us 2021
You’re our only hope


I thought the day would never come

This year needs a fucking conclusion
Impeached due to Russian collusion
Then masks that cause facial contusion
We’ve all suffered from forced seclusion
We can’t have a big celebration
But one thing will bring jubilation
And comfort to every nation…
Spontaneous ejaculation!!!


Happy bastard’s birthday

There was a new mother named Mary
But Joseph’s son she did not carry
When asked by her guy
She made up a lie
Though pregnant she still had her cherry


Seinfeld >>> Friends

It’s Christmas Eve Eve
Also known as Festivus
Thanks 90’s TV


It’s raining deer – Merry Christmas

This has been a shitty year
So to bring some festive cheer
Brownie, Linc and I have gear
Wearing antlers like reindeer
Do they look good? I can’t tell
My yoke has a little bell
Brownie’s antlers look real swell
Linc thinks I should go to hell


Hide the reindeer sausage

There once was a reindeer named Donner
To serve Santa Claus was his honor
He used his esteem
To hustle and scheme
A young elven lass and get on her


The dream before Xmas

‘Twas a week before Christmas, and all over town
All the talk about COVID was bringing me down
I wanted to snuggle and spoon in a bed
With a winsome woman who loves giving head
And what do my wondering eyes should appear
But a sweet Irish lass to bring me good cheer
She sat on my lap, and she rubbed on my dick
If she kept that friction, I knew I’d come quick
I needed her badly – to unload my sack
So onto the mattress, and there she lay back
I kissed down below – I kissed on her belly
Her perky tits heaved and jiggled like jelly
A wink of her eye, and a roll ’round the bed
She drained Santa’s sack, and then left me for dead
I was to bring gifts to some kids up the road
But here with this lass I had dropped my whole load
As I left the temptress who looked out of sight
“Happy Christmas to me, I’ve had such a good night!”


My jingle jangled

Letting myself go
Don’t care how much I weigh
Sweets and cookie dough
Gorging all the way
Hanging out with Linc
He is not too bright
I’ll sit back and quaff my drink
I’ve had enough tonight!
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay


Is Chip on the chop?

The Bruins play ball at the Rose Bowl
And beating the Trojans is their goal
To lose is a sin
If Chip doesn’t win
His stocking will be filled with black coal


Make it stop

I’m going through a stage
Where all I do is rage
I go from being kind
To lost my fucking mind
I know I’ll do again
And maybe lose a friend
I wish that I could stop
Before I blow my top
I try and cannot chill
Instead roll down the hill
Into an awful place
A rampaging disgrace


All the twos – quack quack

Monday night bingo
The bane of my existence
Gets my through lockdown


Covid Claus

There once was a dude named Kris Kringle
Whose bags were so full they would jingle
Through front and back roads
He dropped many loads
He left behind gifts that would tingle


He’s a goofball

I caught my tail, so I’m a good boy
I ate the mail, so I’m a good boy
I bark real big, so I’m a good boy
I eat like pig, so I’m a good boy
I chase the cat, so I’m a good boy
I’m getting fat, so I’m a good boy
I sleep all day, so I’m a good boy
I never stay, so I’m a good boy
I shed real bad, so I’m a good boy
I love my dad, so I’m a good boy

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