Poems and/or Drawings about Religion or it’s glorious absence.
220826
Did you make mankind after we made you?
Atheists don’t ever say grace
And “he” is always lower case
They don’t get hung up on belief
And sinning does not cause them grief
They don’t believe in virgin birth
They know that life ends here on earth
They don’t have hymns to soothe their soul
But atheists have rock and roll!
220715
At least he didn’t stab it
A nasty young man from Stab City
Would do things that weren’t very pretty
He once traveled east
And paid off a priest
To lick a Kilkenny nun’s kitty
220704
Happy treason day
In the US, all good things are gone
I loved it all my life
But I moved to start again
To get away from hate and strife
I thank my lucky stars
To be living here today
‘Cause this flag still stands for freedom
And they can’t take that away
And I’m proud to be an Irishman
Where at least I know I’m free
And I won’t forget the Jizztrumpet
He fucked my old country
And I’d gladly stand up at the bar
And get asked, “Are you okay?”
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt
That christians have
Ruined the USA
220701
His mitre was quite ostentatious
A bishop who folks called Ignatius
Would drink beer and get quite pugnacious
He’d punch a few nuns
Then shoot off some guns
His sermons were lewd and salacious
220415
The death of Brian
There once was a fella named Brian
Nailed next to a fella who’s dyin’
The young fella said
Though he’d soon be dead
If you don’t see bright you’re not tryin’
211105
Alice Nelson and the Brady Grail
There once was a housemaid named Alice
Who liked to clean Mike Brady’s phallus
She’d rub and tug it
Then lickety split
She’d drain it like the holy chalice
210924
Teeny broad the naked barber of Main Street
There once was a lass from Youghal Harbour
Who grew up to work as a barber
She thought clothes were rude
So she cut hair nude
The nuns in town wanted to garb her
210920
That’s what he and she said
“What’s up?” says he
“Not much,” says she
The back and forth futility
“Let’s meet again.”
“Sure thing, say when.”
Until the end of time – amen
210913
Curable curse
The Mayo lads have lost again
Some say it is a curse
The crime committed by those men?
Not stopping for a hearse
In ’51 the jinx was cast
And only one remains
The rest are gone, he is the last
To rid Mayo of pains
But Dr. Mick is not to blame
For chances that were missed
Next year they’ll need to work on aim
And then Sam will be kissed
210903
Mayo for Sam!
The folks in Mayo have the reek
Some people climb it every week
They pray to god and kill a lamb
“This year we want Mayo for Sam!
Mayo for Sam, Mayo for Sam
Let’s beat Tyrone – Mayo for Sam!”
Sligo and Leitrim both were beat
The tribesmen soon met their defeat
They told those Dublin lads to scram
“This year we want Mayo for Sam!
Mayo for Sam, Mayo for Sam
Let’s beat Tyrone – Mayo for Sam!”
In Westport there is red and green
The likes of which are rarely seen
Though Galway might not give a damn
“This year we want Mayo for Sam!
Mayo for Sam, Mayo for Sam
Let’s beat Tyrone – Mayo for Sam!”
It’s been a long time since they’ve won
The last time – 1951
They’ll prove the curse was just a sham
“This year we want Mayo for Sam!
Mayo for Sam, Mayo for Sam
Let’s beat Tyrone – Mayo for Sam!”
210521
Too much time
A mistress just outed her pastor
His love life is now a disaster
He’s changed up his plans
For laying on hands
At bation he’ll soon be a master
210517
And ever, ramen!
When I’ve done something that’s rotten
But my friends have all forgotten
When I argue and won’t give in
And my friends have all forgiven
Ask if I’m wrong, they say never
I keep friends like that forever
210430
Feel his burning love!
A cleric named Abzan Farnese
When burning things sure wasn’t lazy
He’d torch foes and then
He’d blaze them again
You might say he’s combustion crazy
210409
Who converted whom?
There once was a Mormon on mission
Who learned he’d a unique condition
When he would convert
He then couldn’t squirt
Unless in the doggie position
210402
Lent is over!
There once was a sweet baby Jesus
Who did all he could just to please us
Then nailed to two planks
We show our deep thanks
With baskets of eggs and Maltesers
201021
Seems fallible to me
“Pope” says gays should have a union
Not sacrament like communion
I think gays should have a marriage
All else is justice miscarriage
The church has never liked the gays
That’s why it is their end of days
Jesus was for love and mercy
Not child-loving controversy
201009
Help me mommy!
There once was a human shaped shit pile
Fly landed and then made the shit smile
The shit was Mike Pence
So smug and intense
Fly sorted him into his shit file
200207
The homily was gas
The other day, I met a lass
Intoxicating charm and class
Good wine was drunk glass after glass
She beckoned me to tap her ass
An offer that I could not pass
A lovely way to spend a mass
191004
Sacred sausage
There was a nun named Sister Egan
Who loved her veg ’cause she was vegan
She also liked wheat
But never touched meat
Unless it came from Father Keegan
190830
It wasn’t me
When a drummer meets a drummer
Which one is the bummer?
When a ranger meets a ranger
Which one is in danger?
When a poet meets a poet
Which one doesn’t know it?
When a martyr meets a martyr
Which one is the farter?
190809
Excremential crisis
In just one month I’m 52
I have ennui and deja vu
I do not know what I should do
I could wear black or powder blue
I could eat steak or Irish stew
I could watch Jaws or something new
I could just pee or full on poo
Lord give a sign here in the loo!
190610
Pray or prey?
The walking man walks
But where does he go?
The talking man talks
How much does he know?
The winning man wins
But what does he play?
The sinning man sins
For whom does he pray?
190517
When the saints go marching in
There is a long walk
Before a long wake
The priest gives a talk
Before tea and cake
The friends laugh and cry
And all shed a tear
With glasses raised high
They all give a cheer
190315
Not that there’s anything wrong with that
There once was a father named Eamonn
Who got a big kick out of gay men
He liked how they’d play
With shirts off all day
Abú, hallelujah and amen!
180824
What’s with the Crisco
There once was a pope named Francisco
Who roofied some dudes at a disco
With all of the noise
The three altar boys
Were certainly worth the huge risk-o
180822
But you should share this
Go see the pope in Phoenix Park
Stroll through an alley after dark
Jump in a pile of broken glass
Ignore effects of greenhouse gas
Elect outsiders out of spite
In thunderstorms go fly a kite
Don’t bother wiping after poo
These are some things you should not do
180525
X for tá
Today my vote was cast
To end the passé past
I’m hoping that my Yes
Will end this holy mess
180523
Get your rosaries off their ovaries
The Irish might repeal the 8th
The no side is aligned with faith
The yes side cares for women’s health
Access should not be based on wealth
Abortion can cause frenzied fights
You’re for the church or human rights
I will not make you have to guess
This Friday I will be a Yes
171227
So over 2017
Can’t wait for this year to end
So hard losing my best friend
Jizztrumpet is a big child
Neo-Nazis running wild
Orders for a Muslim ban
Stimulates the Ku Klux Klan
All women hashtag #MeToo
Roy Moore’s lawyer is a Jew
Rich folks got a big tax break
Bigots won’t bake wedding cake
Star Wars fans hate number VIII
Next year best be fucking great
