Tag: Religion

171007

171007
He had the gift of gab

There once was a priest from Killarney
Who everyone called Father Barney
He would ask a lass
To kneel down like mass
And kiss his stones like they were Blarney

170524

170524
I don’t know how long we can cope

The world has much love for this Pope
His sermons preach of lasting hope
But today, he walked a tightrope
By welcoming in a big dope
Jizztrumpet is a misanthrope
Repellent because of his grope
His pride is a slippery slope
When asked to smile Francis said, “NOPE!”

170522

170522
Apologies to John, Paul, George and Ringo

Melania told Jizztrumpet
I hate your orange tan
Then she told Jizztrumpet
Your stupid Muslim ban
Your tiny, wrinkled gland
Don’t want to hold your hand

170414

170414
Technically he was a lich

Hiding eggs behind tomatoes
Lamb and ham and cheese potatoes
Peeps and candy bunnies please us
All because of Zombie Jesus

170310

170310
Just like war priests at black masses

There once was a half-orc named Oloch
Who got his sword stuck in the bedrock
It wasn’t that dumb
He channeled Gorum
Which helped him defeat a dark warlock

170301

170301
Sacrifice? Or getting ready for summer?

If you have an ashen smudge
And you’ve given up sweet fudge
‘Cause your goal is losing pudge
Do you think your god will judge?

170224

170224
Freshen up with Putin Pourri

He blocked the news, he’s crossed the line
His every move is asinine
He builds a wall to bring jobs back
“Protecting us from an attack”
He hates muslims, he hates the gays
He’ll bring about the end of days
We can’t believe a word he speaks
He’s done all this in just five weeks

161102

161102
Preventing Trumpageddon

Though one week away
I’m voting today
I just got to say
The Jizztrumpet is a racist, sexist, misogynistic,
homophobic, xenophobic, islamaphobic, tiny fingered,
Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon who wants
you to pay his taxes for him so he can build a
wall that Mexico will not pay for and gain
access to the nuclear codes while he’s
grabbing a pussy with one hand and jerking
off Putin with the other
To prevent doomsday
Please do not delay
Go vote the right way

160912

160912
Deserving strong condemnation #SeemsFair

Putting racists in a basket
Makes them blow their hate-filled gasket
Deplorable fits them quite well
Those that like Trump should go to hell

160803

160803
How proud they must be

The family who sacrificed is known as Khan
Their hero son was lost in war, we honor them
The family we know as Trump, their job is con
Their awful son shoots animals, ain’t he a gem?

160520

160520
Hit them with their own panhandle

Oklahoma isn’t right
They’re misguided in their fight
By combining church and state
They’ve created fear and hate
Government should be for all
Yet they’re spiteful and banal
Church is where they should rejoice
Do not worry ’bout her choice
Do not worry if he’s gay
Oklahoma’s not OK

151109

151109
There’s no war on Christmas

Excessive fuss for a red cup
Those noisemakers should just shut up
When it’s a solo filled with beer
There are no gripes ’bout Christmas cheer
They whine and moan; it’s so misplaced
That energy is such a waste
They worry ’bout coffee that’s spiced
When they don’t ever act like Christ

150930

150930
Pope Frank the 2 steps back

Now everyone’s favorite Pope
Met everyone’s favorite dope
To meet with a clerk so deranged
Just proves that the Church hasn’t changed

150706

150706
That went south so fast!

Many know I call myself Pope
Even though I don’t bestow hope
Pope Francis can talk the good talk
Wish the church would walk the good walk
People flock to hear his sermon
Like him better than the German
Not a fan, but not a hater
Now he’s south of the equator
When I find myself that far south
I get things done with my big mouth

150518

150518
Why is GoT so rapey?

I’ll still watch you Game of Thrones
Though you chill me to my bones
Biggest question with this show
Why do you hate women so?
Sand snakes aren’t as good as guys
They should fight someone their size
Arya beaten with a rod
Queen is jailed by the god squad
She can’t even help her bro
‘Cause they say he’s a big ‘mo
Poor Sansa should have escaped
Not all women should be raped

140423

140423
Jury’s still out

I am serving jury duty
Hope I don’t get jury cootie
First guy seated on the jury
Smells like last night he ate curry
Second juror can’t stop coughin’
She coughs loud, and she coughs often
The third to sit is a fat dude
The fourth girl has some attitude
Number five seems like he’s crazy
Juror six is young and lazy
I am worried about seven
Says she talks to God in heaven
The guy in eight does not look fine
But not as bad as juror nine
Number ten is an old lady
Eleven looks slim and shady
And he’s wearing something furry
Hope I don’t get on this jury

140321

140321
I hate haters

There once was a man from Westboro
His dislike of gays was most thorough
By saying God hates
He opened debates
And gays made him look like a burro

140305

140305
Do priests give up wine for lent?

Today is the first day of lent
It’s marked by a smudging event
A priest rubs some dirt on your head
So you look like the walking dead
And then you’re expected to quit
Something that you like for a bit
The best part of this canon law
Is partying on Mardi Gras
I wonder if celibate monks
Are jealous of church approved drunks

140207

140207
Believe what you want, but you’re wrong

On a Friday, dark and dreary
Reading Facebook, I get weary
From doubters of Big Bang Theory
What I tell them causes friction
When I say the Bible’s fiction
Young Earth is a contradiction
Faith is their sole reliance
They don’t understand real science
They’re as dumb as an appliance

1213

1213
I’m attacking the darkness

There once was a wizard named Ezren
Who never said “god bless” or “amen”
When magic was found
He would turn around
And explore each location again

1208

1208
I imagine he’s right

Imagine
By John Lennon

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

0926

0926
Pope is a dope

Pope Francis said in a promo
That he was not anti-homo
Then he excommunicated
A pro-gay priest who had stated
Women should be ordained as well
The Vatican can go to hell

0426

0426
Without belief in deities

We’ve all listened to John Lennon
Sing “Imagine there’s no heaven”
I don’t imagine anymore
Opened my mind and closed that door
Don’t spend my time wondering why
I know what happens when we die
If this offends, it’s not meant to
Its just what I know to be true