I treasure the junk of others

Scary cat clowns at the thrift store
Next to medals from the gulf war
Get an 8-track with eight speakers
Or a track suit with red sneakers
At one time these were a good buy
Now they’re only fit for good bye
Though you want to purchase something
Most of this stuff’s good for nothing


I have a dumb green thumb

Last night we planted some trees
A new place for birds and bees
To make a home or sight see
Tonight we planted again
Because our dogs are a pain
They had uprooted a tree
Tomorrow we’ll run away
While the dogs will have to stay
And plot their next digging spree


He needs to Kim Jong Chill

Because of Franco and Rogen
The world might go to war again
“The Interview” is coming soon
In which they murder Kim Jong Un
He’s accusing them of terror
I think his critique’s in error
I guess his humor has no sense
Because he’s threatened our defense
If he’s no fan of comedy
I wonder what he’d do to me


Wet spot

Before you go to bed
To get your forty winks
You have to plan ahead
Don’t have so many drinks
If you indulge too much
You won’t have restful bliss
You’ll toss and turn and such
Because you have to piss
Your bladder starts to ache
You stumble to the john
Not totally awake
You leave your undies on
You can’t hold back the sea
The liquid must expel
So now you’re soaked with pee
And wide awake as well


It cannot wait

I hope it’s great
Please do not hate
At any rate
It isn’t late


She found the black widow too

On a day with so many highs
Of course there had to be some lows
Jean passed her test, and then surprise!
The hatchback came down on her nose
She studied hard without much sleep
But aced her exam like a pro
She bought some brand names for real cheap
Then learned her job would pay more dough
A day like that is so magic
We got home and unpacked the car
Her face was wounded so tragic
I hope it doesn’t leave a scar


Seemed like a reasonable plan

My car she got me around
But a spider
Was insider her
So I burned her to the ground


He’s my happy pappy

To the best dad in town
Who never lets us down
Your barbecues are great
And your jokes are first rate
You’re like totally rad
Happy Father’s Day dad


Your Los Angeles Kings

The Rangers proved that they were tough
Sixty minutes was not enough
There was no time to catch their breath
This game would end in sudden death
In overtime, while tied at two
Neither team could get the puck through
Which meant a second overtime
Playoff hockey is so sublime
It was time for the Kings to go
And finish off this icy show
Quick was able to plug the hole
Martinez got the winning goal
Dustin Brown raised Lord Stanley’s cup
And now the Kings will whoop it up


Melt your face

I think that two dogs means
Twice as many dog farts
I’ve never fed them beans
But this smell’s off the charts


No free hockey tonight #GKG

The Kings rule, and the Rangers blow
These aren’t the Kings I used to know
Justin Williams is their big toe
Kopitar is a total pro
The Kings have won three-in-a-row
In overtime – man, what a show!
I want them to be up three-oh
That’s why I’m yelling – Go Kings Go!


Made you look!

When you try to take a poo
And you make exactly two
You have made the perfect deuce
They’re not easy to produce


Happy Birthday Jean!

Happy Birthday to my wife Jean
I wish I had a time machine
To see you on the ones I missed
I hope this doesn’t sound obsessed
But I will be there at the rest
At least as long as I exist


Idleness is bliss

I don’t feel inspired
That would get me fired
If I got paid for rhymes
But it’s my conviction
That causes some friction
With my slacking sometimes


Go Kings Go!

It’s overtime in game seven
It’s go home or go to heaven
Tyler Toffoli’s deflection
Gives this Kings fan an erection
The Blackhawks put on a good show
But not good enough – Go Kings Go!

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