200731

200731
A king’s scepter has a knob on the end

There once was a princess named Annie
Who married a king known as Manny
She ruled the demesne
The bedroom his reign
His scepter would dictate her fanny

200729

200729
When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on

Every tragedy
Begins as a love story
That ends with heartache

200727

200727
Not all adventures need dice

A castle up the old north road
An eerie, sinister abode
A brave but sad elf was our host
He said his wife was now a ghost
We wondered why she took her life
What caused this human so much strife?
It seems our host would leave for years
She found a man to stem the tears
But when her husband reappeared
Her lover fled – the worst was feared
She had two loves, but neither one
Was there to love, so she had none
She tried to leave but when she died
Her spirit was forever tied
The host asked us to do our best
To put the lady’s soul to rest
So we asked him to tell his tale
He did and cried a mournful wail
His spectral wife then felt his love
No longer chained, she flew above
No weapon drawn, no spell was cast
But we had done what we were asked

200724

200724
What if?

Ever ponder fate though?
What if I didn’t go?
What if she didn’t show?
What if I had no dough?
What if she had a beau?
I guess we’ll never know

200722

200722
The last shall be first and the first last

Twelve years ago this week
I had the best first date
It wasn’t that unique
But man it turned out great
I don’t expect to meet
A clone of my soulmate
But it would sure be sweet
To have my last first date

200720

200720
One halfling band

Every party needs a healer
And a solid damage dealer
Though most parties do not know it
They should always have a poet
If your fighter has gone AWOL
And your rogue can’t pick locks at all
If your caster takes a beating
While your cleric’s barely breathing
Leave it to the brave musician
To complete the crucial mission

200717

200717
Shredded cheese fajita wife

There once was a Karen named Alice
Who ordered fajitas in Dallas
She just wanted cheese
She even said please
She’s been made a meme ’cause we’re callous

200715

200715
They don’t fucking care

They don’t care if you die
For they need their nails done
They don’t care if you die
So you can’t take their gun
They don’t care if you die
They won’t reuse a bag
They don’t care if you die
But they’ll weep for a flag
They don’t care if you die
But they love them some cops
They don’t care if you die
But Jizztrumpet is tops
They don’t care if you die
So they won’t wear a mask
They don’t care if you die
They won’t do what you ask
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die

200713

200713
The more you know

Here’s a helpful tip
If you have work due at nine
Don’t drink before eight

200710

200710
Got milk?

There once was a duellist named Burr, sir
A Hamilton insult disperser
But Burr was just mad
That Hamilton lad
Had got Reynolds’ kitty to purr, sir

200708

200708
Brownie Bear at my side

It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
Look back on the Christmas lights (which Linc broke)
The tears that I cried
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
Oh! This is the doggie that Jean and I chose
Oh! This little doggie has such a cute nose
Oh! He runs at full speed along the chain fence
Oh! Brownie’s motherfucking head is immense
Oh! When out on a walk – don’t care where he goes
Oh! His head is so big, I think it still grows
Oh! The rest of the doggies don’t wear their leads
He runs through weeds, eating the seeds
That’s what Brownie Bear needs
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
Afterwards he takes a quick doze
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
When it’s time for dinner he knows
He wants a nice treat
He wants his rawhide
Still, it’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side

200706

200706
Mind if I sing while you kill?

The tunnel’s dark, I cannot see
“What’s happening in front of me?!?”
The fighter groans, and then he grunts
“I’m gonna kill you feckin’ cunts!”
The rogue attempts a sneak attack
I hear a thud and then a thwack
The sorceress shoots scorching rays
But up ahead it’s still a haze
The cleric does not comfort me
For all I hear is, “Blessed be!!!”
And then at last the fight is done
My contribution? Just this one

200703

200703
Yankee Doodle Dickhead

He’s a Yankee Doodle failure
He let so many people die
Coronavirus hasn’t gone away
Here on the Fourth of July
He is our Yankee Doodle nightmare
He’s our Yankee Doodle shit
Yankee Doodle fucked up DC
Just to help his cronies
He is the racist Jizztrumpet

200701

200701
I didn’t kiss it!

Most every day, I walk my dog
And on one walk, we found a frog
It was not jumping on a log
Or hiding in a stinky bog
We found it near a busy road
Perhaps in fact it was a toad
It hopped around and never slowed
So I walked home to my abode