Come on you mighty Bruins!

The trojans are our biggest rival
To beat them would mean Chip’s survival
If we keep the bell
That sure would be swell
And might start the program’s revival


It came home!

The Trojans put up 33
The Bruins dropped a 62
Another year for Chip Kelly
The bell is back, it’s gold and blue


Banging Bruins

There once was a Bruin named Josie
And she had a boyfriend named Joe, see?
So Josie and Joe
Would bang to and fro
They humped from the Rose Bowl to OC


Is Chip on the chop?

The Bruins play ball at the Rose Bowl
And beating the Trojans is their goal
To lose is a sin
If Chip doesn’t win
His stocking will be filled with black coal


Let’s retain the victory bell-y

In Westwood a Bruin named Kelley
Has rushing skills that make you jelly
When he gets the ball
It will show to all
That u$c trojans are smelly


Blue >>> Cardinal

The victory bell
Has been blue since last year’s win
Let’s keep it that way


I love UCLA

I hate $c, I really do
I hate $c, they smell like poo
I hate $c, they light my fuse
I hate $c, I hope they lose


Katelyn Ohashi is perfect

A Bruin is good in gymnastics
Her flips suggest she’s made of plastics
Her work on the floor
Earned a perfect score
The Twitterverse tweeted – “fantastics!”



There once was a killer named OJ
Who had a slow chase on the freeway
He drove by $c
And got his degree
‘Cause murder is fine if you can play


One can hope

Tonight on the field
UCLA has one goal
To get the bell back


He will show why he was chosen

There is a skilled QB named Rosen
Long TDs he’s good at composin’
On Saturday night
He’s bringing the fight
The Trojans will get a bulldozin’


UCLA docs > Santa Maria docs

Jean’s arm pain needed an answer
Still her doctors missed her cancer
Their opinions suck we reckoned
So Jean went and got a second
Bruin doctor shared what he’s known
No to chemo; yes to hormone
Now we have a brand new mission
To get Jean into remission


$c ain’t no education

I hate all Trojans, rich and tanned
But most of all, I hate their band
They play the only song they know
It’s so boring and fucking slow
They march like Nazis on parade
I wish their mothers had been spayed
When Bruins win and our team cheers
They’ll goosestep home with Trojan tears


Hurricane strength haiku

Two eternal truths
UCLA is the best
$C fucking sucks


Rally Committee Wheeee!!!

Rallies, air horns, and card shows
Rally Comm has all of those
But they’re missing just one thing
That big bell we used to ring
Rose Bowl is the place to be
This week when we Beat $C!


International Trump day

Brownie and Raven are good dogs
On weekends, we go riding hogs
I want to move to the UK
I want to work all night and day
Trojans and Yankees are my faves
Olives and mushrooms are my craves
Corned Beef is the best Irish food
That Kanye West is one cool dude
I like DC more than Marvel
I like life forms that were larval
The best rock group is Fleetwood Mac
My life is planned by zodiac
Tom Cruise told me about Xenu
It fits right in with my world view
As president, Trump has the tools
If you believe this – April Fools!


That’s how I want the game to be

On Saturday ’bout half past three
As Sark sips his peach daiquiri
There’ll be a Bruin victory
Another loss for ol’ $c
That will beget malicious glee
I’d put that ‘neath our christmas tree


#2 team in L.A.

Tommy Trojan went to town
A-riding in his beamer
Stopped off for a chili dog
But got a Cleveland Steamer
Tommy Trojan kept it up,
Thanks to his nose candy
Afterwards he got locked up
And had to give a handy


Fight! Fight! Fight!

First game of the year
Gonna yell and cheer
This never gets old
Let’s go blue and gold!


20-38 is great

I will worry the week before
Worried until the final score
No need to worry anymore
Hundley’s first pass made me go numb
But then he made $c look dumb
The Bruins beat the Trojan scum
The week began with hope and fear
And then we beat a foe so near
We keep the bell another year!


Keep the bell blue!

There once was a clutch of $c girls
They looked so pretty, their hair in curls
They earned their degrees
While down on their knees
And they wore necklaces made of pearls


His best friend is a horse

There once was a Trojan named Tommy
Those who knew him thought he was balmy
He played with a sword
Hygiene he ignored
And he lived at home with his mommy


Paint the Rose Bowl blue

I hope Hundley and the offense
Choose not to make the game so tense
They should score often and early
Putting up points hurly burly
I hope that the Mighty Bruins
Can leave Southern Cal in ruins
That’d be a heck of a show
Here’s hoping for three in a row


Another proud brain surgeon

Trojans thought they had a hero
Turns out he’s a total zero
He didn’t jump to save his kin
He made it up, and that’s a sin


Just like football clap-clap clap-clap-clap

In NCAA sports
The Bruins come to play
With balls of all sorts
Blue and gold rules LA
From the hills of Westwood
Over to the Rose Bowl
Even in $C’s hood
You can hear their bell toll
While the Bruins have flown
110 banners
$c Trojans condone
Douchebags and spray tanners


To the blue and to the gold

Hail to the hills of Westwood,
To the mighty sea below;
Hail to our Alma Mater,
She will conquer every foe.
For we’re loyal to the Southland,
Her honor we’ll uphold;
We’ll gladly give our hearts to thee,
To the Blue and to the Gold.


35-14! ‘Nuff said!

The UCLA Bruins
Left the Trojans in ruins
Scores from Vanderdoes and Jack
Started the Bruin attack
Brett Hundley ran in two more
Then Perkins added a score
Jim Mora is 2-for-2
Congrats to the boys in blue
UCLA keeps the bell
U$c can go to hell


Hail to the hills of Westwood

I love Joe Bruin, so of course
I don’t like Tommy or his horse
Another thing I just can’t stand
I really hate the Trojan band
The goose stepping and sunglasses
Make them look like total asses
Fight On and Conquest get so old
The best band wears the blue and gold


Where was the horse?!?

There once was a Trojan named Tommy
Who had a weird thing for his mommy
They played hide and seek
At least twice a week
And what they hid was his salami


Burn Tommy burn

The Bruins of UCLA
Are gearing up for Saturday
The Trojans are their greatest foe
They hate each other even though
They might be sister or brother
Or live next door to each other
So they build a giant tower
That will make the Trojans cower
Then they will set it on fire
And make the Trojans perspire
When the Bruins win on game day
They’ll be the best team in LA


Beat the brain $urgeons

The once was a boy from U$C
Who wasn’t as bright as you or me
But son of a bitch
His parents were rich
So he still got a master’s degree

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